Conflicts Make You Explode?

[Top cat]

I'm a bit slow to react... Sometimes I don't realise what has happened and when I get home, I start screaming.

I mostly try to avoid conflicts or people in general. "living under the surface"

I've had too much to take up till now, and I feel really worn out most of the time, even if I haven't been working the whole day... I'm trying to figure out how to recover

 

[acd]

Same here. Happened yesterday. Someone made a judgment about one of my best friends -whom they never met- based on a picture, and I flew off the fucking handle.
If they had said something similar about me, I would probably just cry. I'll take all forms of emotional abuse, but will NOT stand for people treating my loved ones badly.

Indeed. It takes a hellofa lot for me to stand up for myself and make a big show of my irritation. Usually people just don't know when I'm offended.

However, I chewed out a fellow co-worker a few weeks ago for speaking very disrespectfully to my partner on shift (who was so taken aback she said nothing for herself.) For a few minutes the two of us just stared each other down like two big dogs ready to fight after I told her to "Quiet herself down and listen to the shift report, she wasn't going to come in here and take over."
Hehe..

 

[Top cat]

It's easier for me to defend someone too..

I am surprised reading the posts on the first page. I had this idea we were non-violent/passive types ...but maybe it has to do with life experiences. After a few awful years, I find I yell back a lot more, but mostly with family. Like I developed something... a reasonable little temper
but 95% of the time I really just want to get on with my own life and ignore the rest.

 

[DeadlyPacifist]

Actually, I wonder what are the chances of pissing off someone at the wrong moment [could be as simple as a shove as you're trying to rush somewhere] when they're just so irritated by other things, that you'll get killed.

BUAHAHAHAHAHA BLOOD GORE BUAHAHAHAHA.

^^

 

[bf2]

I know it's an old thread but the similarities are scary. I now realise why we INFJs avoid conflicts at all cost. It's because we handle conflict so badly.

I am a very calm person nowadays and I have done a lot of work on my mind. Still, once every year or so I completely go off the rails for a few minutes and the person in front has no idea how lucky they are to get out alive. Afterwards I feel sick for days (and physically sick from the stress) that I let this happen to me (again) and didn't walk away.

 

[astrelune]

I'm awful with conflicts. I have no idea how to handle them. I think a lot of my problem is the fact that I would never intentionally do anything mean or disrespectful to anyone, so I've started expecting other people to act the same towards me- and then when they become hostile or make personal remarks, it's that much more offensive.

I'm usually too slow to react in my own defense too. I get so disturbed by their hostility that I don't think of what to say to be assertive in a healthy way until it's too late, and then I want to go back and punch them in the face (because they deserve it), but I can't, so I resent and hate them forever. Of course, if someone was having a bad day, and they didn't meant to be bad towards me, I don't react that way and I get over it. But it's the people who don't care, who think they're entitled to treating others like shit, or who think their needs and opinions are so much more valid than everyone else's who I will never have respect for again.

It really sucks because lately (especially in the past year) I've been having a really hard time letting go of anger towards people who have violated or disrespected me. Being angry at what they did really is justifiable, but not being able to release it isn't, because there's nothing I can do because they won't admit that they did anything wrong and I'm stressed almost all the time because of it, especially one large betrayal that happened almost a year ago that I can't seem to forget (it did have lasting effects, which is part of of the reason why I can't forget, but still...).

 

[bf2]

I would never intentionally do anything mean or disrespectful to anyone, so I've started expecting other people to act the same towards me- and then when they become hostile or make personal remarks, it's that much more offensive.

I'm usually too slow to react in my own defense too. I get so disturbed by their hostility that I don't think of what to say to be assertive in a healthy way until it's too late, and then I want to go back and punch them in the face (because they deserve it), but I can't, so I resent and hate them forever.

That's me! I feel exactly the same way. It's uncanny!

In every one of the cases where I blew up it was because I felt the other person was being needlessly aggressive/obtuse/unhelpful to me, when I go out of my way to help everyone and be nice to everyone.

I am also not quick-witted when insulted or picked upon.

 

[Apone]

How I deal with the conflict depends a great deal on who is on the other side of the conflict and how much I respect them.

 

[Colt]

I don't really get into many conflicts, tbh. I guess my instinct is to try and neutralize a situation before it becomes a conflict. The vast majority of the time, I'm about as calm as you can get. That's if we're talking about emotional conflicts.

Now, if I was ever physically attacked; that's a different story and I would defend myself. I hope I never have to.

 

[just me]

I try to recognize the actual source of the threat, and the cause of it. Batten the hatches and ride out the storm until the right moment to react. I try not to get angry. Every now and then I may tell it like I see it, not knowing the results. I oftentimes fail to protect myself in the process, as I find I need a lot of sleep every now and then. Maybe I'm just pulling over for a rest, but could it be a way of showing my dismay? Do I really fully understand everything I do?

 

[Amalthea]

Relates to pretty much everything here. Yeah, I can put on my cool, calm mask and smooth out a battlefield with 'logic', or try and defend a friend 'nobly', but personally attack me and I might as well lay down and let you use me as a door mat whilst I gasp like a fish out of water, 'oooh how could you say such terrible and ever so mean/awful things. boo hoo' Exit stage left for a week of internalizing and a search for renewed faith in humanity. Occasionally I hold serious grudges but they really take a lot to be earned.

I do explode though. It is rare and it will takes weeks, months, maybe even years of rubbing me the wrong way before flight of the valkyries starts playing. It requires the perfect conditions. Sometimes, just like a volcano, people can see the smoke coming out of my ears and flee to higher ground. Other times its like I just I preformed spontaneous combustion whilst sitting down. At any rate, from what I have heard from the victims, they're like near death experiences. All that is needed is an entirely unfair comment aimed at a loved one and 'Here's Johnny'. I am entirely without bite but I guess 10 seconds of death glaring and sharp words are enough to damage ones reputation. After that I take some time out and come back friendly, if not a little sympathetic, toward the person I snapped at. Damned if I apologise though... a snap is well and truly earned.