Confused by a girl

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jimtaylor

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Dating and figuring out what women want has never been my strongest skill so bare with me if everything I write here is like writing on the wall for everybody else. I’m just a little slowww. :P

Ok so there is this girl who I have known since the Spring Semester. I helped her out in a couple of her classes after I met her at a party. She is out of state for the summer so she has been texting me and just talking with me. It has gotten to the point that now when she sends me messages she always opens them with something like this: “How is my favorite _____ doing?” “I miss the cutest ______ in the world!”

Plus in our conversation she gives me a lot of compliments which in my mind tells me that she likes me, unless she is just being friendly. So I am not really confused by this, it is what she has done in some of our conversations. She will bring up guys she is attracted too and they are all mutual friends of mine. They are great guys so I have nothing but good things to say about them. It is very confusing to me. Why pay me all these compliments by calling me sexy and stuff but then turn around and talk about some other guy you want to get with? I’m so lost…

Two days ago after a couple weeks of not talking, (I get distracted and time goes by quick) she sends me four pictures of herself out of the blue. They were a little sexual, bra and underwear so I told she looked sexy and really good. She responded saying "no, you look amazing" but then after a couple minutes of talking started talking about one of my good friends that she just started texting. I told her, he is a great guy; I’m actually trying to get him a job right now at a local firm. Is she trying to get me to get jealous or is it a subtle hint that I need to hurry up because other guys are moving in? I just don’t understand the reason behind doing something like that.

To me it is just frustrating as hell because I am having a good conversation with her and then she just brings up some guy and I really don’t want to hear about the guys she is interested in so I normally wrap up the conversation when she does that. Maybe send one or two messages and then go on with my day because I am not going to waste my time with that. Seriously, is there a reason for this? I am not so naïve to believe that she isn’t interested in other guys, I just don’t want to hear about it and I am not going to tell her about the other girls I am interested in either, out of respect for the fact I am talking with her. I told her one time that if she liked the guy than stop beating around the bush and go tell him.
 
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Stop analyzing her behavior. Don't even think about it. There's only two questions you need answered:

1) What do you like about her?
2) What do you want from her?

Answer those two questions for yourself.

Then go find her (in person - texting is for dipshits). Tell her what you think about the above. Don't waffle and apologize for it and giggle nervously and all that crap. Just tell her straight up. Look her in the eye when you do. For that matter, always look people in the eye - but that's another topic.

That's it.
 
Her actions are clear. Step up or move on.

And don't attempt to maintain a half-assed friendship if things don't work out.
 
Korg said:
Stop analyzing her behavior. Don't even think about it. There's only two questions you need answered:

1) What do you like about her?
2) What do you want from her?

Answer those two questions for yourself.

Then go find her (in person - texting is for dipshits). Tell her what you think about the above. Don't waffle and apologize for it and giggle nervously and all that crap. Just tell her straight up. Look her in the eye when you do. For that matter, always look people in the eye - but that's another topic.

That's it.
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I don't feel like flying to Washington to do that so I will stick to the texting, it is a lot more convenient. haha ;) All I want right now is to talk. I know she is cute and that I am attracted to her physically but that is about it. I would like to get to know her personality better before I decide she is worth putting the effort into. I agree with they eye contact thing but you have to be careful, it is never a good idea to stare, then you are just a creep. Better just to not force it and let it come naturally. Besides some girls find it the most adorable thing in the world when a guy is nervous and blushes. haha


Edit: Thank you though, you answered my question indirectly. Based off what you wrote it sounds like I either have to go for it or let it go and I personally don't care for that right now. I just want to talk and take it slow. I like my single life, I don't want to be pushed into anything.
 
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Vict said:
Her actions are clear. Step up or move on.

And don't attempt to maintain a half-assed friendship if things don't work out.
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Makes sense... I had a feeling which is why I posted it on here. I don't like being rushed or pushed into things so "move on".
 
jimtaylor said:
Dating and figuring out what women want has never been my strongest skill so bare with me if everything I write here is like writing on the wall for everybody else. I’m just a little slowww. :P

Ok so there is this girl who I have known since the Spring Semester. I helped her out in a couple of her classes after I met her at a party. She is out of state for the summer so she has been texting me and just talking with me. It has gotten to the point that now when she sends me messages she always opens them with something like this: “How is my favorite _____ doing?” “I miss the cutest ______ in the world!”

Plus in our conversation she gives me a lot of compliments which in my mind tells me that she likes me, unless she is just being friendly. So I am not really confused by this, it is what she has done in some of our conversations. She will bring up guys she is attracted too and they are all mutual friends of mine. They are great guys so I have nothing but good things to say about them. It is very confusing to me. Why pay me all these compliments by calling me sexy and stuff but then turn around and talk about some other guy you want to get with? I’m so lost…

Two days ago after a couple weeks of not talking, (I get distracted and time goes by quick) she sends me four pictures of herself out of the blue. They were a little sexual, bra and underwear so I told she looked sexy and really good. She responded saying no, I look amazing but then after a couple minutes of talking started talking about one of my good friends that she just started texting. I told her, he is a great guy; I’m actually trying to get him a job right now at a local firm. Is she trying to get me to get jealous or is it a subtle hint that I need to hurry up because other guys are moving in? I just don’t understand the reason behind doing something like that.

To me it is just frustrating as hell because I am having a good conversation with her and then she just brings up some guy and I really don’t want to hear about the guys she is interested in so I normally wrap up the conversation when she does that. Maybe send one or two messages and then go on with my day because I am not going to waste my time with that. Seriously, is there a reason for this? I am not so naïve to believe that she isn’t interested in other guys, I just don’t want to hear about it and I am not going to tell her about the other girls I am interested in either, out of respect for the fact I am talking with her. I told her one time that if she liked the guy than stop beating around the bush and go tell him.
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She wants to do you. She probably thinks you are a little boring, and she's trying to fix you. Part of when she knows youre fixed is when you find your balls and advance on her sexually. Then she will move on.
 
UBERROGO said:
She wants to do you. She probably thinks you are a little boring, and she's trying to fix you. Part of when she knows youre fixed is when you find your balls and advance on her sexually. Then she will move on.
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What makes her so sure, she is worth advancing on? I don't have the highest libido in the world so I am looking for a little more stimulation than just a quick romp. If that was what I was looking for, it woud be easy enough to find.
 
jimtaylor said:
What makes her so sure, she is worth advancing on?
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Probably because you keep texting her. Aside from that, that is probably not popping into her head, at least not in the way I think you mean it.

Honestly, I think that is a strange thing to ask. When I read that my immediate reaction is that you are getting defensive and trying to find any reason to not pursue her sexually. Almost like your pride just took a hit. Dazed and confused haha.

If you dont want to talk about her other boyfriends you will probably need to get a new friend.
 
UBERROGO said:
Probably because you keep texting her. Aside from that, that is probably not popping into her head.

Honestly, I think that is a strange thing to ask. When I read that my immediate reaction is that you are getting defensive and trying to find any reason to not pursue her sexually. Almost like your pride just took a hit. Dazed and confused haha.
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Haha I enjoy conversation and talking with people and doing so doesn't mean I want to have sex with them. Simple as that. Honestly, your first statement was a strange thing to say like you need to slay dragons to validate the fact that you have balls and that any guy who doesn't has something wrong with them.
 
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She is being amazingly inappropriate. Is she really mature enough for a serious relationship? She doesn't come across that way.
 
jimtaylor said:
Dating and figuring out what women want has never been my strongest skill so bare with me if everything I write here is like writing on the wall for everybody else. I’m just a little slowww. :P

Ok so there is this girl who I have known since the Spring Semester. I helped her out in a couple of her classes after I met her at a party. She is out of state for the summer so she has been texting me and just talking with me. It has gotten to the point that now when she sends me messages she always opens them with something like this: “How is my favorite _____ doing?” “I miss the cutest ______ in the world!”

Plus in our conversation she gives me a lot of compliments which in my mind tells me that she likes me, unless she is just being friendly. So I am not really confused by this, it is what she has done in some of our conversations. She will bring up guys she is attracted too and they are all mutual friends of mine. They are great guys so I have nothing but good things to say about them. It is very confusing to me. Why pay me all these compliments by calling me sexy and stuff but then turn around and talk about some other guy you want to get with? I’m so lost…

Two days ago after a couple weeks of not talking, (I get distracted and time goes by quick) she sends me four pictures of herself out of the blue. They were a little sexual, bra and underwear so I told she looked sexy and really good. She responded saying no, I look amazing but then after a couple minutes of talking started talking about one of my good friends that she just started texting. I told her, he is a great guy; I’m actually trying to get him a job right now at a local firm. Is she trying to get me to get jealous or is it a subtle hint that I need to hurry up because other guys are moving in? I just don’t understand the reason behind doing something like that.

To me it is just frustrating as hell because I am having a good conversation with her and then she just brings up some guy and I really don’t want to hear about the guys she is interested in so I normally wrap up the conversation when she does that. Maybe send one or two messages and then go on with my day because I am not going to waste my time with that. Seriously, is there a reason for this? I am not so naïve to believe that she isn’t interested in other guys, I just don’t want to hear about it and I am not going to tell her about the other girls I am interested in either, out of respect for the fact I am talking with her. I told her one time that if she liked the guy than stop beating around the bush and go tell him.
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I don't like her. I do NOT like the "No, I look amazing" comment, nor the blatant feeding of your ego to get attention from you. I would cut contact with her. I think she's playing with you, she might like you but she sounds like bad news to me regardless.
 
UBERROGO said:
She wants to do you. She probably thinks you are a little boring, and she's trying to fix you. Part of when she knows youre fixed is when you find your balls and advance on her sexually. Then she will move on.
Click to expand...

See, I see it the same but a little differently. She wants to do you. She probably thinks you're safe , yet but caring and loving and easy to mess with. She wants your attention and knows how to get it, but is keeping her options open. She will use you and will then move on.
 
CindyLou said:
See, I see it the same but a little differently. She wants to do you. She probably thinks you're safe , yet but caring and loving and easy to mess with. She wants your attention and knows how to get it, but is keeping her options open. She will use you and will then move on.
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Sorry, I should have wrote that better. It was more like, I said she looked amazing and then she said, "No, you look amazing."
 
Oh, well then honestly that changes everything. I hated that comment. Lol. I'm sorry. I'll have to go back and use anther female perspective, one w/o a huuuuge ego. Brb.
 
CindyLou said:
I don't like her. I do NOT like the "No, I look amazing" comment, nor the blatant feeding of your ego to get attention from you. I would cut contact with her. I think she's playing with you, she might like you but she sounds like bad news to me regardless.
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She has been pretty cool to talk to but it has been these little things that keep coming up that make me be cautious.
 
CindyLou said:
Oh, well then honestly that changes everything. I hated that comment. Lol. I'm sorry. I'll have to go back and use anther female perspective, one w/o a huuuuge ego. Brb.
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Yeah that is my fault, I made her sound really evil there. It sounded right in my head when I was writing it but now that I go back and read it, I see how it comes across.
 
I'd be leery that she is a game player. In that if you get more seriously involved with her she will continually mess with your head.
 
Sounds like she just likes attention, knock her off her high horse and her game and make a move (if thats what you desire) and be bold and make sure its unmistakable. All this frittery crap shes playing with you will dissipate in the moment and you will learn the truth. Then you will not have to torment yourself with questions like this in the long run. Just dont make the mistake of falling in "luuurrve" with her. She sounds like she requires a LOT of maintenance and attention. But being a young lad such as yourself, you may want to embrace her personality a little and see where you can steal her good ideas to apply in person, I find these social butterfly types remarkable to learn from, they do stuff without even realizing it half the time.
 
Billy said:
Sounds like she just likes attention, knock her off her high horse and her game and make a move (if thats what you desire) and be bold and make sure its unmistakable. All this frittery crap shes playing with you will dissipate in the moment and you will learn the truth. Then you will not have to torment yourself with questions like this in the long run. Just dont make the mistake of falling in "luuurrve" with her. She sounds like she requires a LOT of maintenance and attention. But being a young lad such as yourself, you may want to embrace her personality a little and see where you can steal her good ideas to apply in person, I find these social butterfly types remarkable to learn from, they do stuff without even realizing it half the time.
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I didn't think about it like that. Thanks for the advice, that makes a lot of sense.
 
Just from reading the OP
  • yes, she enjoys your attention
  • yes, she seems to have some sort of self-esteem issue
  • yes, her talking about other boys is a ploy to get your attention
  • yes, she likes you.

The people who advised you to tell her that you're interested in her upfront and in no uncertain terms. are right. She's expecting you to make the move. And she will find the confidence very sexy indeed (everyone does). if you like her, don't be shy. Make your move.
 
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