Dating people vs. "types" of people

[Saru Inc]

i hate labels, so i only date muscle men.

To be serious now, I love labels. They make everything so nice and easy. Women are dumb, asians like math, white people are sexy, anyone named obama should never be president, etc.


...


YES! Your intuition was right! I WAS being sarcastic in the latter half of the post, good work Ni! You've done yourself proud.


i don't mind labels, and completely concur with [MENTION=2827]Phoenix Down[/MENTION]. Its an easy way to organize in the BEGINNING, not INDEFINITELY. I mean, I wouldn't mind be sorted with "those gay kids" as long as it didn't stop there. Stereotypes/labels (kind of the same thing in this topic?) are good for getting a rough grasp, then you go down deeper until you know enough about them to disregard the bigger label.


also: french people make some bitchin' sliced potatoes.

 

[bickelz]

Its an easy way to organize in the BEGINNING, not INDEFINITELY. I mean, I wouldn't mind be sorted with "those gay kids" as long as it stopped there. Stereotypes/labels (kind of the same thing in this topic?) are good for getting a rough grasp, then you go down deeper until you know enough about them to disregard the bigger label.

Exactly, the people that fall under a certain label are as diverse as the people who don't fall under that label. Oh yeah and I think I fixed your post there for ya [MENTION=3156]saru[/MENTION].

 

[Saru Inc]

Exactly, the people that fall under a certain label are as diverse as the people who don't fall under that label. Oh yeah and I think I fixed your post there for ya [MENTION=3156]saru[/MENTION].

i think you did as well.

sorry i watched friday for the first time and suffered a minor brain hernia

 

[slant]

thx for the reps, but i'd love to see some comments people!

Agree or disagree? Do you ever feel like you're treated as a type or a category than a real person when dating? How do you think dating is affected by this tendency to generalize or stereotype?

Everyone thinks they know everything about everyone elses' life. I try not to give advice anymore because of this, and I try not to solicit it either. It's really hard to know someone, even someone you know very well, because I don't believe people are static and I don't think they are necessarily consistent all the time. They may not think the same things throughout their life, they may not feel the same way, and so it's limiting from the outside perspective to try to help people or council them when all you know of that person is periods of time an things you remember from that period of time to address the current. The most telling about people is their thoughts, everyone has this constant dialog that we don't get to hear, or we may think we are hearing it but often times it's cut and paste, just bits and pieces of what is really underneath.

People always will remember things someone said that personally afflicted them, and we forget so easily, so that one thing we do or say in the past doesn't burden us any longer but to the other person it's constantly on replay. I think just because of that, people will try to use history, their history, your history, anything they know to try to give advice or input..as if life is a crime scene investigation, as if all the methods are proven to work and that if you did x in the past it means x about you and you will do x or if you do z then 8888 will happen. Some things work that way...like if I needed to know how to get something out of a vending machine, typically the advice would be sound...but life situations are just so much more complicated and like I said people are not static so it is hard to really give anyone valid input when you are not in their heads.

And I don't say that in the typical brute 'you aren't in my head so don't try to tell me what I am thinking' manner, but really...what are people thinking...what are their motivations...how have the changed from one moment to another and is their really a consistent them, or is it just ever-changing. Maybe listening to your own thoughts a lot more and realizing that you have that benefit that other's don't have can put this into perspective: you can read your own mind and others cannot, you can feel your own emotions and others cannot, we are so disconnect from one another and our only form of communication is verbal/touch/sight/smell...it is so limiting to a rich inner world that we all have. So it's natural, I think. A natural problem.

 

[the]

I dont get what the problem is. If she is a single mom then isnt that accurate to call her such? I mean we are just starting out in the convo. Plus it gives you an image or a starting point that I can mold into something else by adding details, or removing your incorrect preconceptions. I dont get what the big deal is. An interesting story doesnt start out like: "So I went out with this chick last night who is 5'6" 140 lbs caucasion who..."

 

[GaiaGraha]

@Crabby Lil Me

So, although you were right initially, it could also have gone the other way, then maybe you would've felt it was worth it. In any case, you allowed the experience ultimately to confirm or deny your feelings, rather than depending on the preconceived notions alone.

Right.....that's special and all but I still wish I'd listened to my instincts and avoided the entire situation.

 

[Gaze]

Right.....that's special and all but I still wish I'd listened to my instincts and avoided the entire situation.

at least you know you have good instincts