All I have to say is that since October, I've had the experience of being UNABLE to not believe in God as I know Him.
That is amazing, considering I was raised in church with many complex rituals and yet had no idea what was going on most of the time. You can call it personal testimony or whatever you wish. I simply cannot disbelieve no matter what I do, think, or feel, and this amazes me almost daily. I'm not what you'd consider "devout," either. But for this gift I am thankful, and a lot of my urge for self improvement involves my increasing the ability to describe my testimony, why it has produced such results, and how it can help someone younger who is struggling with those BIG questions, or even dealing with a feeling of pointlessly drifting through life. What I want to do is preach the "gospel" as I know it, and being paid for doing so will be the end of anything worthy. It must be voluntary, there is no greed behind this. I especially want to use what nebulous, ambiguous gnowledge I've earned to help the mislead youth, especially young boys who may relate to me, in their walks of life, faith, and experience. I want them to meet their full potential, and I want to do it right. In my walk this is what I'm building towards. Perhaps merely being a father is the way i want to do it, perhaps instead i want it to affect a broader audience. I just know that in my culture, there is a surplus of young boys who lack positive masculine role models, and I want to be such a role model to them, and a mediator of sorts to a deep well of confidence and inspiration.
My denomination? Hard to say. I think that many denominations are based on something silly and focus their whole ministry around it. Egotistical is how I would describe many churches and temples who have strayed from the core of teaching that got them started in the first place. I think that many churches are unintriguing, clicky, or generally not interesting to young people. I'd like to be a catalyst of change for this, in any way that I can. I've had good experiences in a particular church in Hamilton, Ontario, Canada called Bethel Gispel Tabernacle. Another church that I'm new to but has given me a great impression is Beach Corner Evangelical Church near Stony Plain, Alberta, Canada. A Polish Roman Catholic Church in Edmonton had a thought provoking and refreshingly humourous mass two Sundays ago, but I do not know of their programs or community much comared to the aforementioned two. I've been to a few Buddhist temples but haven't found any that strike me yet. But I will keep my eyes open, and remember that the tewchings of Buddha have never been taught to me much through other people but more so through my own readings for the most part. In the end, I prefer any church that hasn't corrupted or taken to extremes the teaching of Jesus, Buddha, or whoever else taught the Truth. As long as pastors and teachers can understand the simple message behind the Bible and it's traditional moral codes, the true and powerful message of Love Almighty, then it sits well with me. There IS an underlying theme in all of this, I do believe that. I am not the adequate wordsmith to elaborate much on my faith, and instead I most highly wish that through my actions I can show my Love, and teach people through what I am doing.
A wise man once said something like this: "Preach the gospel always, and when necessary use words."
Those are some words to live by, and all of my struggles I accept as chapters in the great lesson. And this lesson I will preach through my own inadequacies, my efforts toward self improvement, and my step-by-step walk through a life lived in the name of Our Father, Love Transcendent, The Absolute Truth, The Borneless One Beyond the Night Of Time...
