Divorce

MoonFlier said:
I think you're lucky to have someone you still care about as your ex, but it sounds like she may be overstepping a line with all the contact and questions.

Gather your courage and let her know. Unless you have young children in your lives (you have not mentioned any) there is no room for feelings in a divorce, it's a business contract. Treating it as such will help you both move on.

Adding: I think it's wonderful that you still care about her and vice versa. Not too many people have that going for them when they split up.
Click to expand...
Thank you @MoonFlier . Our youngest is a senior in HS. There are so many factors to consider and we aren't in a position yet where we can say much without alienating ourselves from even more people in our lives.
 
BamaINFJ said:
@Asa She will eventually hear the truth about me, but I'm not out, and neither is my BF. But when we decide to tell everyone, she will be on the list.
I won't go into fault right now, because I know I share some of the fault, but she does need to think about this and figure out what she needs to do to change so the next person she is with doesn't leave too.
Click to expand...

With all due respect, if you're wishing to cut ties with her, I believe that it's no longer your place to be concerned with what you feel "she needs to do..." ya know?

To me, this just seems like a cop-out from being honest. Almost as if you're making an excuse to keep her in the dark because "she needs to..." ...figure out her own problems. But really, you're still responsible for not being honest. ...and, if you no longer want her in your life, then it's not your place to worry about what you think is best for her.

Again... I say this respectfully.
 
Hi, I am from Victoria. I am telling my personal experiance and I want to share with you all If I did not read lovelearnings then I would not be here today. so I will start ,
Abandonment, yes my ex-husband abandoned me and left me in the middle of no-where in life.

I got married in the year 2007 and I was a very homely and shy girl. It was a typical arranged setup between the families but my ex-husband was a sweet talker. He made my mother believe that he will take care of me no matter what. We got married and I was basically was on my own. except house rent (because that use to be higher than my salary, i use to pay for every damn thing in house. Whereas he use to earn 10 folds than me. Our living condition was worst than a flatmate. He never bothered to ask me if I am doing okay , even with temperature of 104 f I was left on the bed to take care of myself, even to go to pharmacy and get the medicine to fix.

Fast forward year 2008, During Diwali festival he said that he might have to go to UK for 3 months as he had some project. As far as I understand English language, Might mean that there is a probability of going . Anyway, 10 days after the discussion, I came back from the office and my house looked like I was robbed. there was nothing in the house which belonged to him. every clothing, every possession under him was gone. I looked at the half empty house and froze. After 5 min I called my mother and cried and cried. I cried for 3 long hours. I realized that I was abandoned and I am middle of no-where

The rent for the house was due and when I asked him that what should I do, he simply said that look for some other place. as he was not going to renew the lease and I couldn't afford that house with the wages I got.

My mother thought that we will try and sort the mess out but she was wrong. He told me that he will never come back or take me with him. That day I decided that I dont want to be someones Mrs. when I have no privileges of being one. That very moment I decided that I want a divorce and dont want him back in my life.
Although, I am very grateful to him that he did all that. Because I could achieve things which I could have never done if he would have been in my life….
 
Love Learning said:
Hi, I am from Victoria. I am telling my personal experiance and I want to share with you all If I did not read lovelearnings then I would not be here today. so I will start ,
Abandonment, yes my ex-husband abandoned me and left me in the middle of no-where in life.

I got married in the year 2007 and I was a very homely and shy girl. It was a typical arranged setup between the families but my ex-husband was a sweet talker. He made my mother believe that he will take care of me no matter what. We got married and I was basically was on my own. except house rent (because that use to be higher than my salary, i use to pay for every damn thing in house. Whereas he use to earn 10 folds than me. Our living condition was worst than a flatmate. He never bothered to ask me if I am doing okay , even with temperature of 104 f I was left on the bed to take care of myself, even to go to pharmacy and get the medicine to fix.

Fast forward year 2008, During Diwali festival he said that he might have to go to UK for 3 months as he had some project. As far as I understand English language, Might mean that there is a probability of going . Anyway, 10 days after the discussion, I came back from the office and my house looked like I was robbed. there was nothing in the house which belonged to him. every clothing, every possession under him was gone. I looked at the half empty house and froze. After 5 min I called my mother and cried and cried. I cried for 3 long hours. I realized that I was abandoned and I am middle of no-where

The rent for the house was due and when I asked him that what should I do, he simply said that look for some other place. as he was not going to renew the lease and I couldn't afford that house with the wages I got.

My mother thought that we will try and sort the mess out but she was wrong. He told me that he will never come back or take me with him. That day I decided that I dont want to be someones Mrs. when I have no privileges of being one. That very moment I decided that I want a divorce and dont want him back in my life.
Although, I am very grateful to him that he did all that. Because I could achieve things which I could have never done if he would have been in my life….
Click to expand...
Some men are top notch jerks. I'm happy to hear that he is not in your life anymore. He sounds so self centered that he'll never understand, he did you a favor by leaving.

You deserve love.
:hug:
 
BamaINFJ said:
Hi guys. I've had something on my mind a lot recently and I was wondering if I could get your thoughts on it.

Without going into all the details in a public forum, I'll keep it short.

I was married to a woman for a little over 20 years. Now I'm divorced and in a relationship with a man. I love him deeply! As a matter of fact I only thought I knew what love was before, now I feel like I REALLY know love. However, there are times when I find myself worrying about my ex. She was very needy and I can't help but worry about her. I do think about her from time to time and she texts me to ask me the same question over and over. It's very annoying but I know she is asking me because she is upset. She is torturing herself with things. She does not know I'm with anyone now, let alone a man, she has not clue about that.
How do I let go of her? How do I just move on and leave her in the past? How can I just forget someone I spent 20 years of my life with? I want to. I don't want to worry about her, I don't want to spend my time thinking about her. Believe me, the entire 20 years were very hard. I was under a severe amount of stress, there was a HUGE HUGEEEEE lack of intimacy, and it was like she didn't care. Why am I caring? Help me to let go!
Click to expand...

I'm watching my parents go through an identical situation right now and they are not divorced, they are legally separated. One parent is needy and the other wants their independence but the marriage didn't end on bad terms.

I think you have to start establishing clear boundaries with your ex otherwise you may as well be in the relationship still. You can express that you wish her well but that you are trying to move forward in your life and figure out who you are now outside of the marriage. It's nothing against her, but you can't be available to answer all her calls and questions. She might need some encouragement to get that support somewhere else. Perhaps she hasn't fully reconciled that the relationship is truly and completely over. It will probably cause her pain but if you don't have that kind of conversation soon you might end up in a position where you begin to resent her. If you still get along well, there's no need for it to go there. But I think she probably needs to hear your boundaries and expectations as she has obviously not set any for herself.

I don't know if you already answered this, but why haven't you told her that you're with someone new?
 
MoonFlier said:
Some men are top notch jerks. I'm happy to hear that he is not in your life anymore. He sounds so self centered that he'll never understand, he did you a favor by leaving.

You deserve love.
:hug:
Click to expand...
Thanks for your sympathy but this is bitter truth in life no anyone comes in your life for your help!!

We must learn to live our life in a good way. but it also reality on that days I am very upset long days are going without any eat.

It's becomes harmful for me if continuing like that then my mother suggest me read some nobles, books and after that I have search on google

and found out my problems on that how I overcome this situation? after few months I am here in front of you.
 
I guess my thoughts on this are mostly about figuring yourself out. who you are, what is your truth, and finding peace within yourself. The rest will fall into place when you find yourself
 
  • Like
Reactions: Asa
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top