Do I still have a chance?

  • Thread starter Thread starter The Jester
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
Khloriael said:
I agree. What I am refering to is the post about someone "having the balls" to ask someone to their face. Some people don't have that level of confidence, and we should support those people.
Click to expand...


Hmm. I understand that perhaps you were more upset by Alycone’s choice of language, and the suggestion of judging someone for not being able to muster up the courage, but although maybe I would’ve worded it differently, I agree with her. No one 'should do' anything; not everyone has the propensity to be a sensitive, thoughtful individual (although its great to come across one!) But it doesn’t make them a bad individual because they look at or handle a situation differently than you do.


And while I'd try to be understanding to those sensitive folks out there, in all honesty, it would seem incredibly odd to me if the person who’s asking me out would avoid telling me how they feel in person. After all, if I’m going date them, I would assume that we are going to be seeing each other face-to-face and not having a relationship via text messages. If they’re so nervous that they defer to what is safe, that tells me that perhaps they’re the sort of person who avoids conflict, or who would hide things from me should things get a bit uncomfortable. If I’m just getting to know them, sorry to say, I am going to be making judgments based on their actions. I'm not a mind reader; what they do and say is all I've got to go on.


Besides, in prankster’s case, it seems like the girl really does prefer face-to-face interaction. She gave him a chance to explain his feelings to her in person. I think the fact that she did that says to me that she is actually a pretty understanding individual (not to say that anyone said otherwise) and considers prankster’s feelings pretty important not to have just brushed them aside. That’s a boon in his favour, methinks.
 
TDHT: I really liked your speech, but I decided I need to move on.
Don't get me wrong, I found what you said really helpful, but I need to accept it.
If I do get the chance however, I'll grab it with both hands.

Paradox? Yes.
 
prankster said:
TDHT: I really liked your speech, but I decided I need to move on.
Don't get me wrong, I found what you said really helpful, but I need to accept it.
If I do get the chance however, I'll grab it with both hands.

Paradox? Yes.
Click to expand...

No problems, prank. I'm not going to take offense. We're here to help you, but you ultimately decide what you want is best for you.
 
Don't worry, I'm completely head-over-heels for someone who is very attracted to me, but too confused and bitter about recently being dumped to date me right now. We flirted intensely in the past, but not he's just not sure how he feels about anything. And I know that I really probably won't find anyone like him because he might be the only other INFJ I've ever met. He returns in a few months, and I've decided to simply make my presense quietly felt and just hope that he has a change of heart. If not, then I'll have to move on.
 
I feel you Serendipity. The feeling that you will never find a person who's equal to him/her can be so painful.
BTW: when was the flirting going on? While he was in the relationship or before?
 
prankster said:
I feel you Serendipity. The feeling that you will never find a person who's equal to him/her can be so painful.
BTW: when was the flirting going on? While he was in the relationship or before?
Click to expand...

Yea, he was actually in the relationship, though a very openly unhappy one. She was psychologically abusive toward him, and everyone we knew was trying to talk some sense into him. A friend of ours sensed our mutual attraction and even tried to set us up. Because of his girlfriend's damaged past though, he felt trusted and needed... which is why it was so hard for him when she just up and left one day..
 
But still he flirted with you while he was in that relationship?
I was watching Dr Phil a few days ago, and he said don't start anything new until you finished the other one, and he was right.
It's not my place to judge your friend, but didn't you find it weird he was flirting with you, even though his relationship was bad?
 
prankster said:
But still he flirted with you while he was in that relationship?
I was watching Dr Phil a few days ago, and he said don't start anything new until you finished the other one, and he was right.
It's not my place to judge your friend, but didn't you find it weird he was flirting with you, even though his relationship was bad?
Click to expand...

For sure! It just sucks that I can't help how I feel, hehe. I've known him for years and he is truly a decent person though. Also, I'd be lying if I told you I've never been guilty of the same. But you named a major reason why I've decided to just lay low and see how things play out.
 
Serendipity said:
For sure! It just sucks that I can't help how I feel, hehe. I've known him for years and he is truly a decent person though. Also, I'd be lying if I told you I've never been guilty of the same. But you named a major reason why I've decided to just lay low and see how things play out.
Click to expand...
Yeah of course you can't control your feelings, so I didn't direct it at you :P
He should have stopped the relationship when he didn't want to go through with it anymore imo.

But I can't judge him or you.

I hope for you it works out well :]
 
prankster said:
Yeah of course you can't control your feelings, so I didn't direct it at you :P
He should have stopped the relationship when he didn't want to go through with it anymore imo.

But I can't judge him or you.

I hope for you it works out well :]
Click to expand...

I do feel that it' important to note that any attraction/flirtation was completely nonverbal. It was simply one of those things that can't be helped and can't be hidden, no matter how hard you try.

I also think that if he didn't have such deep-rooted insecurities (he at first told my friend that I could never like him), he probably would have been the first one to leave. But ah well!! Life!! Hope you're situation improves, anyway :)
 
Last edited:
Serendipity said:
I do feel that it' important to note that any attraction/flirtation was completely nonverbal. It was simply one of those things that can't be helped and can't be hidden, no matter how hard you try.
Click to expand...
Yea that's why I don't judge you, I'm not in your situation and I don't know the details.
But I wouldn't make him think you're not interested in him anymore (not that you're going to do that, but it may seem that way) and of course avoid coming over as dependant / needy.

Actually, you better dismiss my advice since it's all relative.
 
prankster said:
Yea that's why I don't judge you, I'm not in your situation and I don't know the details.
But I wouldn't make him think you're not interested in him anymore (not that you're going to do that, but it may seem that way) and of course avoid coming over as dependant / needy.

Actually, you better dismiss my advice since it's all relative.
Click to expand...

Yea, it's gonna have to be delicate... And it's going to depend on whether or not the mutual attraction still exists. If I don't sense any vibes coming from his direction anymore, I'm definitely not going to push it.
Posted via Mobile Device
 
I'd do the same if I was in your position I guess. I'm going to sleep now, if you want to talk more about it, don't mind giving me a pm. (Or of course using the thread)
I don't know if I'm helpful but I somehow find it therapeutic for myself too.
I'm such a selfish bastard :O
 
slant said:
Yeah I'm actually quite sick of people coming in for advice for the same problems that are never really interesting.

When do I get to hear about the guy who lives in Florida on a swamp who's basement constantly gets flooded but this time when they sent the guy down to drain the basement, he didn't come back, it started to smell bad in the basement, and they determined they had an crocodile problem. Then this guy sent 2 animal control persons down and they haven't come up for a week.

When do I get to hear about THAT guy?

I'd love to give that guy advice...
Click to expand...

Hahaha :P
 
Never ever EVER confess to someone through text, that makes you look kind of cowardish since you couldn't tell them up in person. If you do ask again, make sure you do it face to face.

And yes, I still think you have a chance.
 
ilovethewind said:
Never ever EVER confess to someone through text, that makes you look kind of cowardish since you couldn't tell them up in person. If you do ask again, make sure you do it face to face.

And yes, I still think you have a chance.
Click to expand...
I didn't, she went back to her ex-boyfriend a few days ago.
She even tried to provoke me so I'd get mad at her and give her a reason to cut contact.
I honestly don't care anymore about her.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top