Do you think about death a lot?

Lark said:
I think its late in life, possibly, very possibly, too late but its good to know, better late than never.
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Too late is only after you're dead.
 
Having cared for an elderly parent or two and helped them as they grew closer to death, I think of it often. My Mother went slowly with love in her eyes, but had lost her speech to strokes. My Dad went harder in bad pain, crushing me when he screamed my name.


I used to collect things; now, I wonder what will become of the things only I cared that much for. I don't want to leave behind problems. I don't want to leave someone that has mistreated me anything but that they deserve. Wait: it really isn't in my hands, is it?


Steps look differently to me now at a house or home. Legal wills get ripped into and fought over. People do the damnedest things in some situations. Trickery, stealing, mourning, hiding, staying depressed: been there and have watched it all. Some folk I never care to see again. Some I wish I could see alive again. Little things can mean nothing to so many people, then I pick up a pair of scissors five years later and start thinking how she used them. Ah, the good memories are the best. Sometimes it takes a long time to see them.


Figure nobody will miss me when I'm gone. Today I'm an *#!hole and tomorrow just a way. At least I think I meant something to someone sometime here or there. Won't be any signs or long lines for me. Hope I can afford to die peacefully.
 
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I occasionally use the prospect of death as a self-diagnostic, a scale by which to evaluate my actions and the trajectory of my character and life. Death was on my mind much more when I was still orienting myself to the wider world and the massive scale of the universe, but now I mostly concentrate on living as best I can. In a sense, death gave me life: pondering the absurdity of human existence instilled in me the drive to become my own arbiter.

It's working out pretty well so far. Thanks, Camus and Co.
 
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Typically, thinking about death doesn't have to be negative. It is, they say, part of life. I say it is the end of a specific life.

Years back, I studied this "body of sin and death". Nowadays, I see a man throwing a grappling hook over a wall in a desert storm. The top of the wall is out of reach, but I don't give up. I know I could never make the climb on my own. Maybe the storm will blow its winds just right to get my hook to catch? Guess if I can do that, maybe someone will help me over the wall. I see my life as one side of that wall, and what I am trying to attain to the other side of the wall.

Now, with the wall embracing my grappling hook, I know someone will help me. I often wonder why I have to stay on this side. I hear positive words and it is not so bad; negative, and I am reliving the storm. I think I should like to stand on the wall awhile when going over to get a different perspective of this life as we know it.
 
Something that thinking about death has taught me is how people can take other people for granted. Anybody that we know could suddenly be gone tomorrow, so putting off everything until the "right time" can end up being a big mistake.

The biggest regrets that I have is not spending more time with the people that I loved that are now deceased. I wish that had spent more time with my grandmother. I especially wish that I had not turned down so many invitation from my mother to do stuff together because I was "too busy". I was busy but I can't remember now what I was so busy doing but I remember all the things she asked me to do with her that I thought I would do one day and that I can't do now with her.

My mother had always dreamed of going on a cruise and my dad was always saying that it wasn't the right time and they shouldn't spend the money on that. He kept saying they would do these things when they were retired. When my mom's mother died she inherited a small amount of money and she spent it on a cruise. I'm so glad that she did because within a few years she got very sick and she died before she had a chance to retire with my dad. Now my dad is remarried, retired and has gone on over a dozen cruises with his new wife. I think that if my mom hadn't had a chance to go on her cruise I would be very resentful towards my father for denying her that and then enjoying it abundantly now. I still do kind of resent him for that but not as much as if she hadn't been on that one cruise.

The biggest advice I would give anyone is to not take people for granted. We all do it.
 
Yes, I do think of death a lot. In fact I have been in a cult for three years and a half where I was repeatedly told to think that death is constantly behind my shoulders. I left the cult as it had many flaws (and because I finally realised it was a cult) but still I feel that it is important to revolve my life around death.

I work as a counsellor and a constant theme of each of my client's stories is the pain due to some kind of loss. The ultimate loss of course is through death, and therefore it is of enormous importance to me. I also spend time watching pictures of people who committed suicide (on internet)... this is because I can't stop wondering what went through their minds and hearts and somehow try to find meaning in people who decided to deliberately encounter death before time. I am not contemplating suicide myself, but analyse the topic of death from one hundred million angles.... and not just for the sake of it. I feel to be strongly INFJ and as such try to figure out meaning in death that I will USE in order to direct my life.

In fact, it is incomprehensible for me to hear other INFJs who don't think about it or 'only occasionally'. Isn't death that gives meaning to life? And aren't INFJs constantly looking for meaning?
 
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