Do you trust immediately or wait and see?

Do you trust first or wait and see?

  • They have my trust until they screw up.

    Votes: 17 38.6%

  • They have to earn it!

    Votes: 27 61.4%
  • Total voters
    44
I like people and are often charmed by them immediately, but I keep the trust at arm's length because appearances are usually deceiving at least on some level. Recently I performed in a rural community Christmas concert being the musician brought in from the "big city". During the rehearsal some of the sweet people got surprisingly nasty to each other, someone walked out, etc. I was grateful I didn't live there remembering how often I moved to a new small community, liked everyone, and then saw all the backstabbing politics even from the sweet little old ladies, etc.

I don't dislike the people when they reveal those more negative, destructive motivations and behaviors. I can still like them, but am always grateful when I initially chose to keep a little distance no matter how wonderful they all seemed. I realize that there are multi-layered reasons for all the tensions that I can't know through simple observation. Each person feels justified when they act out a punishing behavior towards someone. Ultimately I try to withhold judgment, find a way to like each person without pressuring myself to trust or place myself in a position where I am dependent on people whose behavior doesn't make sense to me.
 
I voted choice #1. I hope I didnt throw off your findings since im not infj.
 
I'm an INTJ... I trust first.

I tend to put people up on pedestals and only see their good.
I didn't know my husband had any faults until I knew him for 6 years!
(I realized he complained too much, but other than that, he was a fantastic guy.)

When I get depressed, then I see only bad. :(
 
uberrogo said:
I voted choice #1. I hope I didnt throw off your findings since im not infj.
Click to expand...
Not one bit! :mhula:

No one was meant to be excluded
 
INTJMom said:
I'm an INTJ... I trust first.

I tend to put people up on pedestals and only see their good.
I didn't know my husband had any faults until I knew him for 6 years!
(I realized he complained too much, but other than that, he was a fantastic guy.)

When I get depressed, then I see only bad. :(
Click to expand...

that is awesome! Do they sell glasses that make me not see peoples faults?? I would want to put everyone on a pedestal but I can't. There trustworthiness is under constant review :D
 
For me, people can easy earn my trust in a very short amount of time, just not within the first meeting. Also, it takes a long time to break my trust, so the wait and see thing is full of phooey for me.

So, I do not know what to pick in the poll. :m125:
 
INTJMom said:
I'm an INTJ... I trust first.

I tend to put people up on pedestals and only see their good.
. . .
When I get depressed, then I see only bad. :(
Click to expand...

Yep, moi aussi. But i'm growing fond of change. And i think, however hard it is to do so, i don't think i will be trusting so easily in the future. Or at least i'll try not to. Maybe, this will help me get rid of some of the naivete i've held onto for so long. idk. we'll see.
 
Last edited:
I rarely trust anyone , I have to be around them, read them. I am guarded and I trust my feelings about people. I can tell when I'm around a manipulator after a short while.
 
The Scorpion and the Frog

A scorpion and a frog meet on the bank of a stream and the
scorpion asks the frog to carry him across on its back. The
frog asks, "How do I know you won't sting me?" The scorpion
says, "Because if I do, I will die too."

The frog is satisfied, and they set out, but in midstream,
the scorpion stings the frog. The frog feels the onset of
paralysis and starts to sink, knowing they both will drown,
but has just enough time to gasp "Why?"

Replies the scorpion: "Its my nature..."
Click to expand...

The difference between a human and the scorpion in this fable is that humans for the most part, do not knowingly act in defiance of their own well-being unless it's a miscalculation (usually emotional), or the gain outweighs the consequence.

I trust first that humans adhere to human nature, then I trust a particular person within the bounds he's constrained. In other words, for instance, I would trust a contractor to do what he's contractually obligated to do. Without a contract (explicit binding), I trust that people tend to avoid consequences (implicit binding) of any violation of trust. This doesn't necessarily imply my negative emotional regard to the violator, but rather the societal and legal consequences of the violation. As an extreme instance, I trust that any random pedestrian wont kill me without reason (though I wouldn't bet my life on it..)
 
hmmm I find it hard to trust like alot of people on the site, however I try to give the benefit of the doubt, intuition can often be wrong, I have ignored some patterns of behavior Ive seen as I'm aware that I can put things together completely wrong! I can lean towards the negative that people are out to get me and its not a good way to think!!! I rather be hurt by others than let my mindset be the cause of the hurt. I
 
smiffy said:
hmmm I find it hard to trust like alot of people on the site, however I try to give the benefit of the doubt, intuition can often be wrong, I have ignored some patterns of behavior Ive seen as I'm aware that I can put things together completely wrong! I can lean towards the negative that people are out to get me and its not a good way to think!!! I rather be hurt by others than let my mindset be the cause of the hurt. I
Click to expand...
People on this site? To what could you possibly trust someone on this site? I doubt you're giving them money.
 
[o_q];197238 said:
People on this site? To what could you possibly trust someone on this site? I doubt you're giving them money.
Click to expand...
I thin he meant that he concurs with a lot of others on this site.
 
Though I voted for the 'They have my trust until they screw up' option, I have to side with Wyst's response on this. There are certain levels of trust, and there are those who will never have it, and then there are those who will be our confidantes [because we all need one, really].
Anyway, I do notice that trust people immediately, though not the 'I trust you with my life' kind of thing, but the 'I trust you not to kill me' kind of trust in first meetings. I think it might be because of the vibes that I feel because there are certain people who I just don't feel comfortable being in the same room with.
But then it all just gets really complicated, because there are just times where I'd withhold a certain amount of information even to the ones I trust the most because I just don't think they'd be able to help and I need to get my balance first and deal with it myself rather than telling them. For some reason, I get the feeling that no one else could really fully 'heal' me in a sense when I'm feeling alone and hurt except myself I suppose. I don't know. Maybe it's just me.

I apologize for the random off topic. Carry on. :m044:
 
C'mon IFNJ's you do trust people !

Hi all,
I thought here above anywhere at an INFJ forum people would trust others? Not in a niave "here are my account details" kind of way, but in a "people are generally good, and do care about others" kind of way.

I think maybe the trouble for INFJ's is we kind of get a good or bad vibe around people. I call it my 'radar' and usually I get it right. I bet most here do. What causes us to trust less is that however good our radar is we still get it wrong sometimes. Worse, maybe sometimes we ignore our intuition about someone and give them the benefit of the doubt, only to regret it later.

I generally trust people unless or until they give me a reason not do so. I'm cautious to begin with, but after time I put myself out there a bit more. People will sometimes let you down (just like we do ourselves sometimes) but usually it works out.

Good question, it goes pretty deep I think.
James
 
[o_q];197238 said:
People on this site? To what could you possibly trust someone on this site? I doubt you're giving them money.
Click to expand...

I was saying that like alot of people on this site I have trouble trusting people in real life!! problem solved!
 
I tend to give everyone a chance and so exude a certain warmth to others and like them immediately. A further evalution will come eventually after more information is exchanged...this will determined if actual trust will be extended. Even then, as has been said, there are different levels of trust. Lots of folks get in the outer circle, virtually no one gets in the inner.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top