Do you worry you're insane?

acd said:
I have those moments.. where I just feel totally disconnected from reality. I have snap hallucinations that scare me and jolt me back... For example, the other day driving I looked over and noticed a large cloud shadow on some hills in the distance and thought I saw it explode into a flock of black birds..
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I call these cracks in the matrix. It's part of the show :)
 
Nah, there's a difference. :D

I used to worry about being schizophrenic, until I did research on it. We're just weird; we're not crazy. The rest of the world thinks we're crazy but only an insane person thinks he or she is normal, or sane. ;)

There's a fine line between genius and madness...but if you can no longer take care of yourself and distinguish between reality and non-reality (and you hurt others or yourself in the process) then it's time to get help.

Sometimes you can tell when folks are dangerously close to the edge, though. It's not a gentle madness; it's something frightening. And it's not in that "they're not intuitive enough to understand" way. It's that paranoid, "you're an alien but the aluminum hat's not working to shut out your vibes so I have to kill you" way.

When you're cloistered from society and you can't function alone any more, then it's time to seek help (and that could be anything from hoarding to agoraphobia to full schizophrenia). Problem is, by the time you get that far, you might not realize you need the help. :\
 
Ok, so I'm not the only person who has considered themselves schizo, yay! Maybe there is hope for me!
 
arbygil said:
Nah, there's a difference. :D

I used to worry about being schizophrenic, until I did research on it. We're just weird; we're not crazy. The rest of the world thinks we're crazy but only an insane person thinks he or she is normal, or sane. ;)

There's a fine line between genius and madness...but if you can no longer take care of yourself and distinguish between reality and non-reality (and you hurt others or yourself in the process) then it's time to get help.

Sometimes you can tell when folks are dangerously close to the edge, though. It's not a gentle madness; it's something frightening. And it's not in that "they're not intuitive enough to understand" way. It's that paranoid, "you're an alien but the aluminum hat's not working to shut out your vibes so I have to kill you" way.

When you're cloistered from society and you can't function alone any more, then it's time to seek help (and that could be anything from hoarding to agoraphobia to full schizophrenia). Problem is, by the time you get that far, you might not realize you need the help. :\
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Interesting... Reading this makes me wonder if I 've been diagnosed with INFJ rather than bipolar all these years. Of course, there have been instances, like the time my meds stopped working during early menopause and I had depression with hypersomnia where I slept 16-20 hours a day--for a whole year. And I did spend a great deal of time on 72-hour holds because I had either attempted suicide or was in danger of doing so, but fear of aliens and hoarding? Never. I'm mildly agoraphobic, but can usually force myself out of the house when necessary and/or accompanied by a loved one. Given my 'druthers, though, I'd rarely leave my room, much less the house.

Still, if I'm just your garden variety INFJ, instead of bipolar, I could get off these meds that I hate and maybe see the world more clearly. IDK...it's definitely worth some thought. Thanks, Arby.
 
I think I am insane all the time.

I'm cool with it.

heh
 
anica said:
Interesting... Reading this makes me wonder if I 've been diagnosed with INFJ rather than bipolar all these years. Of course, there have been instances, like the time my meds stopped working during early menopause and I had depression with hypersomnia where I slept 16-20 hours a day--for a whole year. And I did spend a great deal of time on 72-hour holds because I had either attempted suicide or was in danger of doing so, but fear of aliens and hoarding? Never. I'm mildly agoraphobic, but can usually force myself out of the house when necessary and/or accompanied by a loved one. Given my 'druthers, though, I'd rarely leave my room, much less the house.

Still, if I'm just your garden variety INFJ, instead of bipolar, I could get off these meds that I hate and maybe see the world more clearly. IDK...it's definitely worth some thought. Thanks, Arby.
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It is a fine line, though, anica, and I know you know that. :)

If we need the help we shouldn't be afraid to get it, but what I've usually observed is the truly insane don't want medication. They don't like the medication because it makes them feel "off" and they get angry if you tell them to take it. They feel it stifles their creativity. But when they're off it, there is a HUGE noticeable difference to others. They stop making logical sense and they stop functioning in normal society and stop holding down jobs, stop going to school, and stop caring for themselves. They absolutely lose contact with reality and it's very scary to see (or read about).

True madness is not "cute" or "quirky." It's heartbreaking.

Also, something interesting: the latest data seems to indicate that schizophrenic symptoms may be exasperated with the consumption of certain illegal drugs (marijuana and cocaine seem to head that list).
 
I think it's a broad generalization to say the truly insane don't want medication. The acute phase of an illness can be tortuous and anything that offers relief from that may be welcome. When my younger son had his first break, he lived in a nightmare world. For six months he didn't leave his room except during the middle of the night to get Cokes from the fridge (he used the cans for urinals during the day). He didn't bathe, brush his teeth or hair. He certainly didn't go to school. He welcomed medication when it was offered--anything that would get him out of that nightmare--and I believe part of his faith in medication came from seeing the enormous changes meds made in my behavior. (BTW, though my son used marijuana during the two years prior to his initial break--I'm pretty sure it accelerated the onset--he hasn't used it since and has never used cocaine.)

I have never been as unable to function as he was during that time, except maybe the year I slept. I had one depression during law school that lasted three weeks when I was unable to leave the couch in our living room and missed school. Most of my life I've been pretty high functioning, in fact, even before I was diagnosed and started lithium. I have a desire to see what the world would be like without medication changing my brain chemistry to a "normal" setting, but I'm afraid too. The last 18 months have been so peaceful...maybe too peaceful.
 
Ooh, that's true, anica, and I didn't mean to generalize. I should say some don't. And those who don't are really difficult to talk to/help.

Well, if you think it's safe for you try it, but definitely talk to your physician about it. And check to see if it changes any of your benefit status?
 
arbygil said:
Ooh, that's true, anica, and I didn't mean to generalize. I should say some don't. And those who don't are really difficult to talk to/help.

Well, if you think it's safe for you try it, but definitely talk to your physician about it. And check to see if it changes any of your benefit status?
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You're right about the ones who resist meds being difficult to talk to/help. I think a lot of the resistance comes from the stigma surrounding MI. I know the first time a therapist suggested I might benefit from medication, I switched therapists. I had a grandmother with schizophrenia and a mother--never dx'd with anything, but truly nuts--and I didn't want to be lumped in with them. Three years later when the second therapist suggested seeing a psychiatrist about the possibility of medication, I agreed largely because the psychiatrist happened to be a long-time personal friend and I trusted him (not that the therapist knew this).

That's just it: I don't know if it's safe to try, but I hate the side effects of the meds I'm on and I'm beginning to wonder if they do affect my creativity as well as my liver. My benefits are based on the disabilities caused by the stroke, so going off my medication for bipolar should have no effect on them. Thanks for the thought, though.
 
Yes. Completely and utterly insane. INFJ is the most misunderstood personality type, right? I don't even understand myself. ...you know other INFJs? :o
 
I used to, until I realized that I was getting in touch with myself, my own values and emotions which necessitated that my previous learnings and perspectives that were the result of my socialization had to disintegrate.
 
May said:
what's your secret?
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I wasn't harming anyone, so why worry? :rolleyes:
I figure, deep down everyone is different, so that makes everyone "insane"... therefore, who cares? lol
Can you really be insane if everyone is insane?

I also had a period where I thought I might truly be insane... but later learned that it was just... some other issues that were messing with my viewpoint.
 
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I've had several total psychotic vacations in the past. They were extremely stressful before they 'broke', but when I was in them they weren't always so bad. i believe spiritual things came out of those experiences too; it's not just about 'brain mechanics', I reckon. Since my early twenties I've had experiences exactly like those described by adc, Indigo Sensor etc. I live with a lot of the symptoms schizophrenics have - flat affect at times, feelings of depersonalisation, and paranoia - but I am not schizophrenic and I have enough insight to interogate and question my own 'delusions' before they become actual clinical delusions. I think sometimes there is something in these things, however. acd - I am currently writing about blackbirds, so that tweaked my brain nipples a bit!

These days I know insanity is lurking at the peripherals, and I can start to get auditory hallucinations when I boil loud kettles or have my laptop humming like an air-conditioner. But I don't pay those things any mind and they don't worry me so much now.

The best advice for managing things was given above by anica - meds if you really need them, sensible diet, regular exercise, and plenty of sleep!
 
Worry?

Why would I be worried?

Madness is merely a colour, and a rare and divine colour it is.

Rather, I should hope I'm going mad...it's the only sensible option in this backward world.
 
Short answer: no. I've never worried about that. Growing up in a mostly SJ environment, I definitely noticed that I was different somehow and I couldn't understand it. But I've always felt "normal" in my core and I don't think I'll ever lose that feeling. Granted, while reading all sorts of articles about different mental and mood disorders, I can certainly notice some similarities between my behaviour and thinking patterns and the symptoms but I don't think that it's to such a degree that it would make it pathological.
 
I've been told that I'm insane, some jokingly and some serious. I have wondered if perhaps I am, but I've never worried about it.
 
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