does it hurt when you are criticized?

[enigma]

I am over sensitive and take things very personally every time. Every criticism feels like a personal attack, and I usually overreact with all guns blazing. One of these days I am going to have an apoplexy!
Criticism hurts very deeply and can cause me great anxiety. The only time it hurts less is when it is deserved or I know I screwed up/I know it is coming.

 

[Peppermint]

I'm generally not bothered by criticism if it's constructive, it doesn't matter if it's negative or delivered bluntly as long as it's due.

However, personal insults being passed off as criticism are a different matter, though I wouldn't really say they hurt me, I am more likely to just ignore the person or retort with a sarcastic remark.

I can get hurt if it's directed toward something I particularly care about or am personally invested in or if it's coming from someone important to me.

 

[Morgain]

I am over sensitive and take things very personally every time. Every criticism feels like a personal attack, and I usually overreact with all guns blazing. One of these days I am going to have an apoplexy!
Criticism hurts very deeply and can cause me great anxiety. The only time it hurts less is when it is deserved or I know I screwed up/I know it is coming.

I can feel ya!!!!

 

[Tamagochi]

Hmm it depends. I think it hurts most if I try to counter it with just Fi (but it could probably be trained to be tougher). With Fe I'm pretty much invincible: either fend it off with a counter-attack or switch to their point of view and realize than I'm being a pain for them

 

[Kaipaus]

Negative criticism hurts when it's said by someone that I love or look up to... unless it's constructive, nonhostile criticism.

Nonconstructive, hostile criticism hurts very much when it's delivered by someone that I respect. It doesn't hurt if I hear it from a stranger or someone that I don't think very highly of.

 

[Kaipaus]

Hmm... wait. Actually nonconstructive, hostile criticism can hurt me even if it comes from a stranger. Like, for example, when I worked as a cleaning lady at a store and a woman who worked at the store criticised my work very unfairly and in a hostile manner, I felt very bad. I asked her to leave me alone several times and when she still didn't go away, I started to cry. She was horrible. She apologised afterwards, though, but I still couldn't think very highly of her.

 

[xizzax]

I'm not fond of many of the styles of criticism that are a fad in the media today. Years ago I watched American Idol for a couple of seasons, and even though Simon Cowell knows a lot about creating image and has some relevant ideas, the whole "Worst singer in the world" exaggerated generalizations serve a social purpose of dominance and showmanship rather than an evaluative purpose of diagnosing and correcting flaws and errors. Criticism is best accompanied by specifics in identifying the problem and solution.

Perfectly explained.

 

[Roger]

does it hurt when you are criticized? Does the absence of positive critizism hurts? And what about when a collegue gets a positive criticism and not you, when you are ignored by other people, when everyone is having fun and nobody sees you, ...?

Just wondering how much this is a tread for INFJ's :becky:

yes, sometimes it hurts me. I am not introverted anymore, so i will tell you as an extrovert person, Criticism may hurt when we think about ourself, why people are not calling me? Why others are having cool friends or something like that, why not me? Why i am victim of such things?

Here, it develops on belief in our mind, we are not good at all. Something lacks within us. Something that is missing within us. If you have such thoughts, then it will hurt you. But i have learned something from my past, when such things happen, people can't pay attention or i have got negative criticism from anyone, i tell myself i am good person. There is nothing to feel bad, i will change it next time. I will correct it. This way, i continue going ahead. Let it go.

 

[enigma]

yes, sometimes it hurts me. I am not introverted anymore, so i will tell you as an extrovert person, Criticism may hurt when we think about ourself, why people are not calling me? Why others are having cool friends or something like that, why not me? Why i am victim of such things?

Here, it develops on belief in our mind, we are not good at all. Something lacks within us. Something that is missing within us. If you have such thoughts, then it will hurt you. But i have learned something from my past, when such things happen, people can't pay attention or i have got negative criticism from anyone, i tell myself i am good person. There is nothing to feel bad, i will change it next time. I will correct it. This way, i continue going ahead. Let it go.

Those thoughts go through my head every day....

 

[Roger]

Those thoughts go through my head every day....

Enigma, you can try it to change those thoughts. I have explained here. Hope it helps you.

 

[enfp can be shy]

Negative criticism hurts me less than indirect criticism. If I'm criticized in such a way, that I cannot answer or address the points, then... then it's like someone tied me to beat me.

I very very rarely feel neglected, and when I do, I usually express it openly. I think that's more common problem for introverts, because they want things they wouldn't openly say, and need to expect people to guess them, which leads to a whole series of suffering and even secret negative thoughts about other people.

can you go some deeper in this? I think I can relate but I'm not sure I grasp it completely .

In one sentence: people do not notice the same things when they look at the same picture. When I see patterns and connections between things that not everybody would relate, it leads to a lot of confusion, which frustrates me sometimes. So I wish I could transfer the whole process of thinking more effectively, together with all the images and patterns that lead to the conclusions. That's not always possible, because the brain doesn't keep account of all the relevant data, once it has extracted the important information from it.

 

[Stellar Affinity]

If it's constructive criticism from those who I know have me in their best interests then no, it doesn't really hurt me all that much. If it's someone who is criticizing me for my work or even subliminally telling me I'm not good enough at something (or anything like that) then yes, It most likely will hurt me.

I will definitely feel very hurt if I'm in a group of people and end up somehow getting ignored or overlooked. In fact, situations like those usually hurt me very much.

 

[Milon]

does it hurt when you are criticized? Does the absence of positive critizism hurts? And what about when a collegue gets a positive criticism and not you, when you are ignored by other people, when everyone is having fun and nobody sees you, ...?

Just wondering how much this is a tread for INFJ's :becky:

Depends on the spirit it's done in. If it's because the other person wants me to be my best, then no I won't be hurt. Otherwise, yes, I very likely will be. And since I judge myself using Fe, I need feedback from others, especially positive criticism. So yes, the abscence of that does hurt me. The part I bolded there was basically my whole childhood.

 

[dark_angel]

For me it is how you deal with the hurt. Do you let it consume you or do you turn it around and use it to grow as a person. Are you able to take a step or many steps back to get perspective and judge if the criticism holds value or not.
Are you then able to apply the necessary changes within yourself?

Even if it does not hold value, the strength it took to take those steps back builds character and makes you less sensitive to future criticism. I crave to grow and strengthen my character so I try to stay open to criticism no matter how painfull it is. Note: I do not tolerate and refuse to subject myself to criticism that is mean just for the sake of being mean.

 

[flux]

It didn't used to hurt -- not getting any votes in the poetry contest -- but generally the hurt is an on/off switch that I never seem to decide. Now I just feel like writing something depressing in every single thread.

 

[dark_angel]

It didn't used to hurt -- not getting any votes in the poetry contest -- but generally the hurt is an on/off switch that I never seem to decide. Now I just feel like writing something depressing in every single thread.

How about writing a poem about it instead? I would love to read it...:kiss:

 

[flux]

Hehehe, thank you DA. No, I think I learned something from last night actually. Just a different approach to writing that I haven't needed in a while, 'cause I haven't been writing much.

 

[Solongo]

I noticed that criticisms are greatly attached to the person that is giving them. If it is a criticism from a person I respect and I deem their opinion valuable than I listen even if it hurts. Secondly, the delivery of the criticism is soo important.

I noticed that criticisms followed by a positive compliment were not as harsh and made me feel hopeful as supposed to a criticism that came out of nowhere with a negative tone, then consciously I just get aggressive.

 

[Quest]

It depends. I know I'm too sensitive in general. But if it's constructive criticism and I know the person's trying to be helpful, it'll still hurt me initially, but I'll not to worry too much about it. Otherwise I'll probably dwell on what was said and it'll probably ruin my day.

 

[Norton]

As an INTP, I'm insensitive to criticism because I'm generally insensitive to what people think about me in the first place. OTOH, when I'm explicitly criticized, I'm not being told anything I don't already know. I know when I've done well and when I've done poorly. So, neither praise nor criticism do much for me.

I'm currently working on Chopin's third