Doorslam?

[AUM]

I have two shades of doorslams: wooden and ironed.

With a wooden doorslam I could still talk to people that hurt me but I would never talk to them the same way. I instantly become very formal with these individuals and will never tell them nothing personal about myself or themselves. The communication becomes solely small talk.

With an iron doorslam, well, to put it simply: that door will never open. It will eventually rust and nothing will ever come and go through it.

 

[Odyne]

Sometimes, a doorslam is exactly what you need to move on. The relationship becomes exhausting as it drags and drags longer in an unhealthy direction, where the only solution is to cut ties. Snap Snap Snap. Time and effort can be put to a better use, such as emotional recovery or personal development.

When it comes to people who are disrespectful, as others have mentioned, I usually give them the benefit of doubt. They tend to think that I am not aware of their actions, or I am too week to react or respond, and it always takes them by surprise when they are met by an unexpected confrontation followed by a DOORSLAM! I can't tell you how satisfying that is, regardless of how mean that might sound.

People who are never sorry or too proud (or sometimes too ashamed) to provide an apology will always have that door slamed in their face, and if I have to deal with them in contexts of work for example, they always get the cold shoulder. I have become unforgiving and intolerant of uncalled for rudeness and disrespect.

Doorslaming is sometimes the best way to get out of a messy situation and move on to a healthier direction in life. It shouldn't be done often, but should definitely be done when necessary.

 

[acd]

My ability to doorslam people makes me uneasy..
I'm so quick to bookend things and never look back, I'm beginning to think I am missing out on a lot all for the sake of a defense mechanism... I almost wish I could just slip up and call that old friend but I dangit all this pride!

Granted, there have been breakups where a doorslam was warranted, but there have been friends I've completely cut off...

I have a horrible habit of being a relationship sabateour. Looks like it's back to the introspection drawing board.. gahh.

 

[Tulip]

I know how this goes... I've been worrying what will happen if my ex calls me up crying, saying she made a big mistake and was a total idiot.

I'm not certain she can change how she is, and I'm doubtful I could ever trust her again. She's a nice person that doesn't know the meaning of responsibility or commitment, and that's why she can't be trusted. She can't say "I'll be exclusive with you." and actually mean it, because she can't hold herself to what she says even if she genuinely means it when it is said.

So logically, I shouldn't have anything to do with her again, just if there's a soft-spot in me for anyone it's her.

This must be hard...deep down in your heart, are you actually waiting and hoping that she would call you up and apologize? Are you hoping that she could clarify for you that it was not what you thought it was so you could get back together again like how it was before?

 

[Tulip]

Some people are never sorry, either.

What about those who do not know that they are doorslammed?
And those who are clueless and do not know that they need to be sorry?

 

[kita]

This must be hard...deep down in your heart, are you actually waiting and hoping that she would call you up and apologize? Are you hoping that she could clarify for you that it was not what you thought it was so you could get back together again like how it was before?

I know I've hoped for something like this before, but it never happens. (I think) INFJs usually doorslam without a detailed explanation of why, which makes it hard for the other person to give an adequate apology.

 

[sassafras]

I've never "doorslammed" anyone in the sense that I consciously severed ties with someone for such and such reasons. We just naturally drifted apart.

 

[DoveAlexa]

What about those who do not know that they are doorslammed?
And those who are clueless and do not know that they need to be sorry?

Well, all the ones I've doorslammed I've usually yelled at pretty harshly right before, then never spoken to them again. I think they get the picture. 2 of them have apologized, but I still don't want to talk to them anymore. I don't care about them at all anymore so I don't want to spend the energy talking to them.
As for the one friend, I doorslammed him twice, and well, he's just too prideful a person to ever be sorry let alone say so. He might not even think he did anything, but he did use the phrase "bury the hatchet".

As for the door-shut-sneak-aways, I don't think anyone wants an apology in that regard, they just want to leave the whole thing behind them.

 

[Tulip]

I know I've hoped for something like this before, but it never happens. (I think) INFJs usually doorslam without a detailed explanation of why, which makes it hard for the other person to give an adequate apology.

I always think only people who treasure the relationship would care to apologize or to initiate contact. They probably aren't as emotionally invested as you are if they don't even care how you feel and how much you suffer from it. In that case, they probably don't deserve to have the door opened for them again...but I don't think they care anyway...

 

[Tulip]

Well, all the ones I've doorslammed I've usually yelled at pretty harshly right before, then never spoken to them again. I think they get the picture. 2 of them have apologized, but I still don't want to talk to them anymore. I don't care about them at all anymore so I don't want to spend the energy talking to them.
As for the one friend, I doorslammed him twice, and well, he's just too prideful a person to ever be sorry let alone say so. He might not even think he did anything, but he did use the phrase "bury the hatchet".

As for the door-shut-sneak-aways, I don't think anyone wants an apology in that regard, they just want to leave the whole thing behind them.

I guess only for the relationship in which you have emotionally invested you would want to make up with the person and hence want an explanation or apology. For most other people you hardly have anything to do with you just want to close off all contact and not wanting to have anything to do with them...regardless of whether they apologize or not...

 

[Bird]

I've heard this buzzword a couple of times on the forum. I have a guess at its meaning, but let me just make sure I am correct.

Would me telling my ex I never want to speak to her again for the remainder of my life, and then proceeding to ignore her text messages count as a "doorslam"?

I don't think so, no.

 

[Trifoilum]

What about those who do not know that they are doorslammed?
And those who are clueless and do not know that they need to be sorry?

This.
And I wonder if telling someone "Hey, I'm intending to doorslamming you regarding this matter" is going to do any good?
Just did that, not to their entire life but only at...certain problems I mentioned at my blog, and...I feel bad. Not bad for the matter doorslammed, but for the person because she have to see me doorslamming through her without her being (somewhat) affected.

 

[Nixie]

Can't say much about the Doorslam myself. I think you have to be a door opener first. I think I have one of those little, tiny windows that gets opened for most people. If I value you enough to open the door, it never shuts, never. That doesn't mean that we will always be in a loving kind of relationship but I never turn away from the idea that I cherish the friendship/love. That is why, the door doesn't open quickly but when it does, I won't slam it. I guess it goes along with this idea that I don't think of relationships as all or nothing--I can still remember the good times even if things get bad. I won't stick around to be abused or engage in negative behavior, but just not hanging out doesn't make it a doorslam. All relationships evolve and change. I have no trouble with goodbyes either. Sometimes people leave. So, yea, don't do the doorslam.

 

[ZcM4xzkjgzCjytBc]

Yep... telling them that you don't want to ever speak again is still communication.

The INFJ doorslam seems to be a matter of complete ignoring.

Isn't slamming a door a form of communication? :)

 

[Trifoilum]

If it's literal, I assume.

Of course, in a very meta kind of way, suddenly ignoring is also a form of communication, in that it emits NO communication.

 

[ZcM4xzkjgzCjytBc]

If it's literal, I assume.

Of course, in a very meta kind of way, suddenly ignoring is also a form of communication, in that it emits NO communication.

I just thought I'd pitch in while everyone was being picky about the definition

 

[randomsomeone]

I only doorslammed one person ever, and this was in an effort to avoid a lot of confusion for others. Long story.

However, I have had people doorslam me to some extent, although I never felt compelled to return the favor. I'm glad because years later whatever confusion that was present seemed to clear and the friendship continued, although generally on a different level.