Paideia and HunterO, you guys have passed the point of being helpful to the OP many posts back and have instead decided to turn this particular virtual space into your venue for some type of spitting match.
Paideia, it seems like you think the OP's situation is becoming too subjective and singular and you suggest that he should step back and mingle with other women to broaden his perspective. This sounds like your extroverted intuition's propensity to compare and contrast, which might be a useful method in most objective pursuits, but the issue here is that relationships are anything but objective, nor does it seem productive to treat them so. In other words, you can't objectify the relationship without objectifying the person, and the last thing a woman wants (especially an INFJ, I would imagine) in a relationship is to be treated or seen as just one of your many options or pursuits (one object among many). Seeing or pursuing other women would do just that, tell the INFJ that she is indeed not personal, special, or worth committing to in his eyes (or cause serious blowback if she doesn't know and finds out after the fact). I'm afraid that in the act of widening the pursuer's perspective, he'd be devaluing the target of his pursuit, implicitly if not explicitly. This could create a scenario where the INFJ actively tries to re-establish that value status, but it would be for all the wrong reasons. This is essentially what HunterO was trying to point out. Relationships are inherently subjective, so the only viable solution will come from personally evaluating whether it works or not from within, as there is no objective standard or approach to be followed. (side note: if you say you're done with a conversation, have said goodbye, or that it's not worth you're time, continuing to participate is a direct contradiction to all three. Sorry, it's just a pet peeve of mine to say one thing and do another.)
HunterO, what some here are reacting to is your stereotyping of American males as being a certain way in regard to relationships. I can see how your extroverted thinking might be prompting you to categorize American males as such if you're getting your information from American TV, but I'd go as far as to say that what you see on TV reflects a minority and is not exclusive to the U.S. I think it would be safer to look at how certain personality types tend to approach relationships and perhaps make a case that America contains more of that particular personality type than other countries, but you'd still likely be looking at a minority from my experience as an American male.
crazyabouther, if I were you, I'd just ask her if she has feelings for you. It sounds scary, but only because the answer might be no and the awkwardness that might follow. However, I've really found that this is the only way for an NT to read the situation appropriately without making an ass of themselves, especially with an INFJ (and further speculation would only net diminishing returns). They keep their inner world locked up tight and can be very patient in its revelation, which means you might not know how she feels about you today until 6 months from now, and by then she could feel differently. INFJs like directness and honesty as long as it doesn't cross the line of invasive, and by the way you describe the situation, at this point the question would seem more legitimate than invasive. If she says that she does have feelings for you, then you can ask whether or not that translates into a future between the two of you. Just be aware (which I'm sure you are) that if she says no, that could potentially destroy whatever pseudo-relationship you have going on now. In my view, the potential sacrifice is worth the potential truth and clarity. Or in Matrix terms, red pill or blue pill.
I'm not attacking you, am I?
