ENTP looking for INFJ Minnesota

chulo said:
This thread is fascinating to me. A while back, on this forum, a guy did the exact same thing. But the first person to respond said something along the lines of "this is creepy and inappropriate, you should leave". It triggered a series of similar responses. And the person was quickly made an outcast.

This thread, the initial response was more indifferent. And the series of responses afterward ranged from light humor to words of encouragement. They still sort of made fun of the guy. But it didn't have that same "herd mentality" effect.

Interesting. People are interesting.
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i think I remember who you are talking about. The tone was very different in that persons post.
 
I don't mean this as bitchily as it probably sounds, but guys who toot their own horns and go on about what amazingly good guys they are generally have me drawing up red flags.

I don't know the OP, so I can't comment, I just think guys who generally are great guys shoudln't be so forceful about it. If you're a great guy, thats going to shine through when you're getting to know a person anyway.
 
Neverwhere said:
I don't mean this as bitchily as it probably sounds, but guys who toot their own horns and go on about what amazingly good guys they are generally have me drawing up red flags.

I don't know the OP, so I can't comment, I just think guys who generally are great guys shoudln't be so forceful about it. If you're a great guy, thats going to shine through when you're getting to know a person anyway.
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Don't worry. That didn't sound bitchily at all...

=)
 
chulo said:
I don't remember it that well so I don't doubt it had a different tone.

Still, I find it interesting.
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Then why mention it?
Context... It's important.
its not that interesting.. Other guy (if we are thinking of the same person--zeroemission) was obviously a weirdo right off the bat.
 
acd said:
Then why mention it?
Context... It's important.
its not that interesting.. Other guy (if we are thinking of the same person--zeroemission) was obviously a weirdo right off the bat.
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I never noticed he was a weirdo. And thanks for clarifying, we are thinking about different people. This person only came to the forum for like a day and it was probably about 2 years ago.
[MENTION=564]acd[/MENTION] I just looked at that thread. He was a little different. lol
 
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Alright then, in all seriousness why must you date someone according to MBTI?
 
Horatio said:
Alright then, in all seriousness why must you date someone according to MBTI?
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Cause you INFJs are just so god damn sexy and mysterious. *waggles eyebrows at Horatio*
 
RNWayne said:
This guy she chose is her fourth abusive man. He used every manipulation trick and her compassion to lure her. Playing that he needed her to save him. Standard trick of abusers.
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I wouldn't over-analyze why she gets involved with abusive men. There are so many reasons and variables. She probably displayed the right behavior which attracted those men (like a wolf stalking a sheep.) Just remember this is her normal, not yours. At the same time she could have tremendous guilt over you being too good for her, knowing she wouldn't treat you the way you should be treated. For example: If she had been sexually abused as a kid (hypothetically, not saying she was but abuse is cyclical) and grew to hate the act of sex ... having her own interpretation of what that was (which is by being used and made to feel inferior/overpowered/dirty), she knew that possibly she couldn't give you sex as a reciprocation of love. It would hurt her to hurt you.
 
[MENTION=5375]chulo[/MENTION] [MENTION=564]acd[/MENTION]

This thread? I think the response may have been different because dude was overtly wanting to hook up with people from the forums. In this thread, the OP only makes a direct request for advice, though as the thread progresses it seems like he's not opposed to tossing a line out here. That's the only difference I noticed.
 
Black Sheep said:
[MENTION=5375]chulo[/MENTION] [MENTION=564]acd[/MENTION]

This thread? I think the response may have been different because dude was overtly wanting to hook up with people from the forums. In this thread, the OP only makes a direct request for advice, though as the thread progresses it seems like he's not opposed to tossing a line out here. That's the only difference I noticed.
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Yes! That was it. Wow for some reason it felt like a long time ago.
 
Black Sheep said:
@chulo @acd

This thread? I think the response may have been different because dude was overtly wanting to hook up with people from the forums. In this thread, the OP only makes a direct request for advice, though as the thread progresses it seems like he's not opposed to tossing a line out here. That's the only difference I noticed.
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That guy is not creepy.
Though I can see how regular posters would be uncomfortable that people join a discussion forum just for the intent to date.

That is newbs for ya!
 
Hey. My thread...

Deal is that abused women are actually more comfortable with abusers. It is what they know. Kind, loving, honest, patient, compassionate, and EXTROVERTED Men are like foreigners to them.

Abused women and abusers are like magnetically attracted to each other.

I work as a psych RN with both the men and the women.

This is not just make believe. Tons of research backs it up! I also see it first hand in my practice which makes it even more painful. You can't help or be a therapist or nurse to someone you love. You need a professional or neutral party. Her mom, sisters, abused women support group, and Dad all tried to warn her and she kept seeing this guy behind my back. Her and i talked about him two months ago too. He like raped her it sounds like and posted pictures of her house and her in Facebook!

She sees me as another possible abuser now...

Tragic!
 
Oh, by the way.. My self esteem and thinking are not even close to being fragile! I laugh all the time at life. Even in tragedy.

The deal is that we all have stuff to teach each other. I am the kind of guy who steps into a crisis and takes control as my job. I deal with everything under the sun. People, problems, and behavior ARE my living....

This does not make me not human though. For sure not creepy. I give of myself in love and compassion to all I meet. I make a difference in a world where many sit back and ignore suffering. I have no FEAR.

I am a Psychiatric RN! What is your super power! LOL!!!
 
RNWayne said:
Hey. My thread...

Deal is that abused women are actually more comfortable with abusers. It is what they know. Kind, loving, honest, patient, compassionate, and EXTROVERTED Men are like foreigners to them.

Abused women and abusers are like magnetically attracted to each other.

I work as a psych RN with both the men and the women.

This is not just make believe. Tons of research backs it up! I also see it first hand in my practice which makes it even more painful. You can't help or be a therapist or nurse to someone you love. You need a professional or neutral party. Her mom, sisters, abused women support group, and Dad all tried to warn her and she kept seeing this guy behind my back. Her and i talked about him two months ago too. He like raped her it sounds like and posted pictures of her house and her in Facebook!

She sees me as another possible abuser now...

Tragic!
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That's not always true, regardless of what some research may say. My mother was in a very abusive marriage and when she finally found the courage to get out, she went for nothing but kind, loving, honest, patient and compassionate men. And being that I was abused by my father, statistics say that I should have gone for men that were like him; again, that was wrong. I went through one bad relationship when I was young then learned my lesson from there. My fathers abuse and that bad experience taught me exactly what I didn't want in a relationship. I am now married to a wonderful man and he treats me like the princess that I am :)

We all have a choice on whether we want to be happy or not.
 
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Yes, that is the beauty Crazy Beautiful! We all have choices. We are not destined to keep making the same mistakes over and over. Self awareness and desire to change are the KEYS to freedom from repeating the same mistakes and patterns.

Have you ever read the story called Holes in the Sidewalk?

Google it! It is the best way to explain this.

The really sad deal is that this woman was in a way my trap. I am a horrible caretaker and rescue guy. I do too much for people and help too much. People need to help themselves. You can only give them information, love, support, and compassion. It is always their choice to decide which path they take.

Life is very very complicated even when you can clearly see the holes in the sidewalk. I fell in head first! Ouch!
 
CrazyBeautiful said:
That's not always true, regardless of what some research may say. My mother was in a very abusive marriage and when she finally found the courage to get out, she went for nothing but kind, loving, honest, patient and compassionate men. And being that I was abused by my father, statistics say that I should have gone for men that were like him; again, that was wrong. I went through one bad relationship when I was young then learned my lesson from there. My fathers abuse and that bad experience taught me exactly what I didn't want in a relationship. I am now married to a wonderful man and he treats me like the princess that I am :)

We all have a choice on whether we want to be happy or not.
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your mother broke the cycle by leaving.
My father was also abusive to my mother and she divorced him and never dated a cruel man again.
Were it not for her divorcing him, i think i would have ended up in the abusive cycle. I dated a man who turned out to be abusive years ago and leaving was like breaking an addiction. The only thing that made it possible to leave was her example, otherwise I almost thought it was normal..
 
Neverwhere said:
Cause you INFJs are just so god damn sexy and mysterious. *waggles eyebrows at Horatio*
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If being both sexy and mysterious are the prime criteria in choosing partners, I should be drowning in pussy right now.

e: Just to clarify, I'm not drowning in pussy. Whatever the opposite of drowing in pussy is, I'm that. I am desert of pussy, if that makes sense.
 
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chulo said:
This thread is fascinating to me. A while back, on this forum, a guy did the exact same thing. But the first person to respond said something along the lines of "this is creepy and inappropriate, you should leave". It triggered a series of similar responses. And the person was quickly made an outcast.

This thread, the initial response was more indifferent. And the series of responses afterward ranged from light humor to words of encouragement. They still sort of made fun of the guy. But it didn't have that same "herd mentality" effect.

Interesting. People are interesting.
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Proof that people are descended from lemmings. :D

As far as the minnesota guy looking for an INFJ: Good luck with your dating efforts, you seem nice and confident, not creepy. Not single here, but if I was, the chocolate thing would probably work on me!
 
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