explaining to others what seems like everything you do?

Blind Bandit said:
I'm wondering if other INFJs or people who have trouble with fitting the norms of society.

Ever get tired of being asked to explain their actions to others. It seems I must explain everything to others. They can't seem to understand the why I feel or do what I do.

I think this is mostly S types but it can be others.

Is anyone else tired of this?

And when do you say enough is simply enough?
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Yes, I am tired of it. They want us to explain, but then they won't listen or accep the explanation. I don't know if that's particular to our personality type, though.
 
rainrise said:
unfortunately, most aren't genuinely interested. by this i mean, asking in the form of a inferring statement to point out my idiosyncracies. in the end, it does matter to me if i took the effort to make myself heard, but whether or not i have been understood is something i don't have too much control over and thus won't worry too much about.

people who are genuinely interested will try until they do understand, at least to the best of their ability, just as i will try my best to explain myself to them when necessary.
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Yep.
 
rainrise said:
unfortunately, most aren't genuinely interested. by this i mean, asking in the form of a inferring statement to point out my idiosyncracies. in the end, it does matter to me if i took the effort to make myself heard, but whether or not i have been understood is something i don't have too much control over and thus won't worry too much about.

people who are genuinely interested will try until they do understand, at least to the best of their ability, just as i will try my best to explain myself to them when necessary.
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I love the way you've put this. This is very much the way I feel. Tho, I tend to get so frustrated with those you described in the first part of this and that is something I'm trying very hard to work on. I don't like wasting my energy like that.
 
I used to worry a lot about people understanding my intentions, especially when I did something that made someone upset.

I talked to my anthropology professor about that "ambiguous line" where people start to get upset about something you do and he gave me some pretty sound advice. He essentially said, "If you love them, try your very best to explain yourself and they might understand. If they aren't close, don't worry about it. They'll get over it."

As degraded as that sometimes makes me feel, it definitely is a lot better than spending every ounce of my energy trying to assure everyone that I mean no offense or hostility with any of the actions I take.
 
In my experiences the people that demand explanations blatantly feign interest. It's a lost cause
 
WickedPod said:
Yes, I am tired of it. They want us to explain, but then they won't listen or accep the explanation. I don't know if that's particular to our personality type, though.
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So true just a quick example.

My roommates complained that I wasn't spending enough time with them. I would only come visit them when a show we watch is on. And when a friend of theirs comes over.

And yet I've explained to them several times why this is and I'm sick of doing so. They should know me better than that.

As someone else has said. E types like the tactile people experience. I don't and I'm tired of forcing myself into that role. So I'm not anymore. I will no longer be social because others want me too. I will be social when I want to.

So I'm sorry ES types but I'm done accommodating for you. When you won't even try to understand me. And I have to explain the same thing to you over and over again. Further you don't respect my introvertedness.

Maybe just maybe if people actually sincerely make an effort I will be more willing to try.

And if I can find someone like this I will make them my Extroverted interpretor.lol
 
On the flip side is attempting to explain to people that I don't need to have "too much free time" to come up with ideas. Most of the time they show up fully formed in my head and I just have to tweak them a little to make them legal, or tweak them a little to ensure noone gets caught. The tweaking takes less than a second too.

Whenever I come up with a "weird" idea like Extreme Duck Hunting*, Fishing for Boar**, or Avian Assassination***, the response is generally along the lines of "You have waaaayyy too much spare time on your hands to come up with that".

It's just damn annoying.




*shooting ducks with a shotgun from an ultralight and having a falcon or trained eagle retrieve them...
** boat with wheels, compound bow with arrow on high strength cord (GW shark cord), and then holding on until the boar wears out...
** parachuting/base jumping out of a plane with a knife to take down a bird in flight...
 
Shai Gar said:
the response is generally along the lines of "You have waaaayyy too much spare time on your hands to come up with that".

It's just damn annoying.
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They obviously don't appreciate the creative abilities of an ENTP. And they clearly don't know how to appreciate your individual talents.

Though you probably do have too much time on your hands, I think you could write several books with all the ideas you've accumulated hah.


Also, Avian Assasination = Awesomeness.
 
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I've got several notebooks filled with ideas. :D

And my actual working hours are 10 hours a week, with the rest of the time devoted towards spending as little money as possible, browsing the forums and getting qualifications.

You're right... I've got way too much time on my hands, but still, unnecessary for ideas, therefore irrelevant.

I need a muse, someone to bounce ideas off of so that I can make these notebooks into a Tome of Ideas though which could be published.
 
This is the thing that drove me crazy about my ex-girlfriend. She insisted that I justify every little thing I did to her, and she wanted me to become a completely different person. I mean, she would go through my belongings, take one out, and ask me to explain why I had it. Then, she would criticize me for having it.
 
it's a pain in the ass, mainly because I don't like to express my feelings or thoughts in an obvious way. I always want people to discover them.

Shai Gar said:
** parachuting/base jumping out of a plane with a knife to take down a bird in flight...
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lol! that's kind of sick.
 
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More sick than walking along in the woods and shooting one in cold blood?

You've got less chance of knifing a bird in flight.
 
It doesn't come up too much in external interactions, but when it comes to how I actually think about things, I do find myself out of step and having to go to lengths to explain. It typically has to do with countering assumptions.

Also, the way I think is not linear or just based on the feelings of the moment. I always think in terms of multiple possibilities. This causes confusions because if I state one possibility, the immediate assumption is that I have dismissed all others. I also think only in degrees of certainty, but not absolute certainty. If I state one idea, there tends to be assumption that I have concluded such a position with certainty.

I have a continual longing for debates and conversations where people explore possibilities and actually haven't already formed conclusions. Almost every conversation about ideas is a battle between varying sets of conclusions. I spend more time explaining that I don't hold a single position than moving forward with the idea. I also find that having an F by my name makes people tend to test me to see if they can get an emotional response instead of thinking clearly. It's true I have personal times when I struggle with thinking clearly, but in those impersonal settings, there is nearly no chance of me giving into being emotionally prodded. People eventually realize this and in some ways it's good to have the opportunity to demonstrate it, but sometimes I wonder why it is so important to always test people.
 
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I think that explaining ones self is slightly better than having the person assume the worst. So it doesnt really bother me very often when one asks me to explain myself.
 
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If someone is interested in hearing what I have to say they should listen and be polite. There is a conclusion to what I'm saying but it's important to learn how that conclusion came to be. People who are impatient with me will soon learn what 'mute withdrawal' is all about.
When I'm earnestly and even excitedly telling someone an enlightening fact or thinking out loud looking for feedback a bucket of cold water comes when I get interrupted and hear things like:
"You don't think that!"
"I know where you're going with this." (and then go on to waste 5 or ten minutes whilst being completely off track)
"You're nuts." I will respond kindly or even jokingly the first couple of times but after that it's game over.
I do get tired of people trying to put me in defense mode so I clam up a lot more.
 
Maybe I'm totally arrogant, but I usually refuse to explain my actions to other people.

I make it a point not to violate their boundaries and I am not an aggressive person, so I don't think I owe an explanation to anyone.

However, I don't mind asking questions to other people about their actions, beliefs, etc.
Because I find myself bewildered sometimes by their veneration of certain social customs.
Sort of a double standard! =)
 
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Yes, it definitely is the "S" population that I think would create such a frustration. But there are some "S' people who do have a bit of intuition and can understand to certain extremes. The trick is knowing or using your intuition to tap out which people will be able to understand that part of you.

Though a majority of my friends are Ns, as my N is the strongest of the letters, I have a bunch of S friends too. I know there are traits that would go nicely with both types---just bring it out when the time is right. I admit, :), I reserve my beloved "N" friends for all my weird and crazy thoughts.
 
explaining to others what seems like everything you do

Naxx said:
How can someone know exactly what you feel? We are neither mentally linked up through cable or sending information wirelessly through out brains.

However we can talk about what we feel and explain ourselves the best we could.

So how much someone understands you has a direct connection to how well you can communicate your ideas. How well you communicate depends on how well you can present your ideas and feelings to a understandable fashion to that person. Since people are different you might have to use multiple styles of communication in order to be better understood.




However whether or not they treat you in the way you want is another story.

And perhaps the attitude in which you assume the person must be completely taught already breeds a sense of restriction; that may compromise how you want someone to treat you.

Basically if your teaching wields no results what are you to do? You can either give up or move on to another method.
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Even with good communication and as complete an explanation as possible, no one can know exactly how another person thinks or feels. So I will try the best I can with those whose understanding is important to me and let the rest go. It makes for a small circle of intimates, but that's fine with me.
 
Chopsifer said:
I used to worry a lot about people understanding my intentions, especially when I did something that made someone upset.

I talked to my anthropology professor about that "ambiguous line" where people start to get upset about something you do and he gave me some pretty sound advice. He essentially said, "If you love them, try your very best to explain yourself and they might understand. If they aren't close, don't worry about it. They'll get over it."

As degraded as that sometimes makes me feel, it definitely is a lot better than spending every ounce of my energy trying to assure everyone that I mean no offense or hostility with any of the actions I take.
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1. It's a good advice, it works. I 've been trying to act in a that way for some time and it's a good feeling. I still wory what very close people think, but to them it's easier to explain. They already know that I like to tell what I think, what I say and what I thought that they where thinking when I was acting like I don't know what they think or something like that:)
2. It takes a lot of energy, everything to explain. Uf, too much...
 
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