Follow up. I thought hard about the insights you you all provided. I sat my boy down and talked to him deeply about the need and how to manage his life and mental illness and still get all of his dreams. I told him that he would not always be in a place where people cared about him as much as his out put and in this one we could only be there to help him if he was open with us about what was going on. That is was scary to do that, because there is a fear that people will judge him as weak or lazy. But that we knew him, And believed in him and this was a safe space to try and work this out. But, we needed to understand where he was at to help stabilize his schedule and get him the time to get the help he needs.
He told me his plan and it was predictably unrealistic. In that he was still trying to over book himself. We put together a new plan that helped him get what he needs to get accomplished, done while preserving at least one weekend day and most week nights. We got him an appointment to see a doctor.
I will work on his deficits later, more slowly and diligently. He trusts me on this, last year I pulled him through some really rough public speaking anxiety/problems. After he got up in front of key players and a crowd and gave an excellent science talk that was noticed and impressed people. It took us months but he got it and it worked. He trusts me, he knows I care and know what I’m doing. We can fix the other stuff.
I also had to gut check that my own anxiety about our work. It was being deflected and landing on paranoia that our students where not learning everything they need and getting the education they deserve in the pandemic research chaos. I don’t have enough time with them like I normally do, and that worry was getting the brunt of my total anxiety. I have ways to make the time. Yes, it feels like the weight of the world sits hard on our shoulders, but my job is two fold, doing science and teaching new scientists. One feels completely out of control, the other, with effort I can continue at best capacity.
I did what you said, I told him we believe in him and the development of his skills as well as him as a person. My expertise in neuroscience is PTSD. You could claim I know a lot more than the average bear about chronic mental illness. He knows my focus was on the absolute conviction that chronic mental illness can be managed for non-truncated potential. Then I gave him a modified version on my notorious “hero speech”, he knows this well.
I do not abandon people.
He told me his plan and it was predictably unrealistic. In that he was still trying to over book himself. We put together a new plan that helped him get what he needs to get accomplished, done while preserving at least one weekend day and most week nights. We got him an appointment to see a doctor.
I will work on his deficits later, more slowly and diligently. He trusts me on this, last year I pulled him through some really rough public speaking anxiety/problems. After he got up in front of key players and a crowd and gave an excellent science talk that was noticed and impressed people. It took us months but he got it and it worked. He trusts me, he knows I care and know what I’m doing. We can fix the other stuff.
I also had to gut check that my own anxiety about our work. It was being deflected and landing on paranoia that our students where not learning everything they need and getting the education they deserve in the pandemic research chaos. I don’t have enough time with them like I normally do, and that worry was getting the brunt of my total anxiety. I have ways to make the time. Yes, it feels like the weight of the world sits hard on our shoulders, but my job is two fold, doing science and teaching new scientists. One feels completely out of control, the other, with effort I can continue at best capacity.
I did what you said, I told him we believe in him and the development of his skills as well as him as a person. My expertise in neuroscience is PTSD. You could claim I know a lot more than the average bear about chronic mental illness. He knows my focus was on the absolute conviction that chronic mental illness can be managed for non-truncated potential. Then I gave him a modified version on my notorious “hero speech”, he knows this well.
I do not abandon people.
