Feeling unloved

*curtsy* btw King, your signature is the bees' knees, friend!
 
Seeker said:
"you must love yourself before anyone else can love you"
I'm screwed!
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I used to believe that. It's a very defeatist way of thinking that just leads to counter-productive downward spiral of resentment. Now I have come to believe some people who do not love themselves can not accept that they are lovable, regardless of how much they are loved. I still love people irrespective of how much they do themselves, and other people do as well. In fact if a person can not do that then I am of the belief they are not capable of truly loving another person in any case, because true love is unconditional and everyone is lovable. :hug:
 
mayflow said:
Just me, you say an awful lot of stuff in a short statement here. Yes, I understand that the "good luck" thing was like a flower or a gem in your heart that was just wishing the best for all of us. It's beautiful for people to be like that and feel that way. Perfectly beautiful in fact. Sometimes I really think that everything is just perfect as it is, but the perfection is like a hidden jewel to some of us sometimes. Perfectly hidden in plain sight!
:smile:
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Mayflow, think you will like this.....you may already:

"Consider the lilies how they grow: they toil not, they spin not; and yet I say unto you, that Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these." Luke?
 
InnerFlame00 said:
How do you guys deal with it? Has anyone else ever had the problem where they feel they will never find someone who will love them, or feel as intensely as you do? Is this a common problem for INFJ's you think?
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In my experience it's been a matter of type as well as age. When I was younger my feelings weren't any more intense than they are today, but I based more of my decisions on them and I made some pretty bad choices when it came to matters of the heart. Those mistakes brought me a lot of heartache, but I also got two wonderful children out of one of those pitfalls.

It seems now that I spent most of my 20s, 30s and 40s either lonely or heartbroken; I got to the point where I preferred lonely. In my 50s I met a man to whom I was not immediately attracted, but we became acquaintances and later, friends. Then, unexpectedly, after ten-plus years, we realized we were in love with each other and had been for some time. Finally, finally, I have someone who loves me with the same kind of intensity I feel.

That's probably not the success story you want either, but I'm not saying love won't come your way till you're as gray as I am. I'm just saying it often comes from the strangest quarters, and that there can be a thin line between friendship and romantic love; it doesn't just happen in the movies. For us, it was a matter of recognition, which came about only after we had stopped letting ourselves be distracted by a lot of the externals in our lives.

I don't know if that helps or even if it makes sense.
 
This is an awesome thread and Von I have to say I was truly moved and energized by your posts. I love sincere encouragement!
 
yeah
i suppose that lots of people don't seem to love me as much as i do them...
but then again that may be because people like to be loved different ways...they might express their love to you in the way THEY want to be loved and visa versa...
*shrugs*
so yeah.
 
Von Hase said:
Something just occurred to me.

There is nothing wrong with us!

The only thing we need to realize is how to love people who fail to meet our standards, because they failed! This means that we have to love ourselves too when we fail ourselves!

If someone can't love us, then they're just unfortunate for whatever reason. That's their problem. Don't let it change who we are!

Don't stop loving people because they won't love us back. Love them more because they need to be shown love! But let them not return our love... for as long as they have to until they get it right, if they ever get it right. It doesn't matter if they do. It matters if we show them love!

Don't stop hoping because people fail us. Hope more for their betterment because they've only failed themselves! But let them fail us... as many times as they have to until they get it right, if they ever get it right. It doesn't matter if they do. It matters if we keep hope!

Don't let other people stop us from being everything we are. Be everything we are more because they need us to! But let them try to stop us... for as long as they have to until they get that we are right, if they ever get it right. It doesn't matter if they do. It matters if we stay true to the wonderful people we truly are!

It is not us who are wrong. It is the world. We only fail when we give up. Our awesomeness is stronger than the world's suckiness, and the world needs us to stand up for what is right because it doesn't know how to! If it did, it would work like it is supposed to. We can't let failures stop us from doing what we were meant to do. Failures need to bolster us to do what the world needs us to do!

This is our challenge as INFJs! In order for us to be what we were made to be, our battle is with ourselves. We have choose to forgive others and ourselves, and not let it weigh us down to the point of crippling us. We have choose to accept others and ourselves for exactly who they are when they are, realizing that we are all works in progress. When we stop trying to make these works in progress better, we fail because that is what we are meant to do.

I love you!

I love all of you! Exactly as you are!

No one has to change to be loved! Not even us! All we have to do is focus on the best of ourselves, and not let anything cause the worst of ourselves. Be who we are and do the good that we do, and everything will fall into place. It doesn't matter if we succeed at these individual goals. It only matters that we keep being true to the best of ourselves, and that is our love for everyone!

Happy Valentine's Day!
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This is my first time in this thread for a while, and I must say, kudos.
 
I have learned to love myself. It makes no difference to my dateability.I have a lot to offer. I know that I'm better than average in looks, intellect, personality and empathy. I have lots of hobbies and interests.
Yet men still reject me or worse, they want to use me physically and not date me.
I seem to be rejected more than friends of mine and wonder whether it's the INFJ-ness and being 1.5% of the population. Why do people really not want to be with me?

I've been thinking about this in the past couple of days because I guy who rejected me when I admitted my feelings for him friend requested me on Facebook. I haven't been in contact with him for 9 years and he would've had to have done a search to find me because we live in different states of Australia and have no mutual friends.

Why are people desperate to be my freind but equally desperate not to date me I wonder? Is INFJ-ness really so difficult to accommodate in a relationship?

Oh, and on the appearing cold thing - even if you begin to trust and warm up - the people who criticised you for being cold will run a mile from your warmth too. It's like an INFJ girl can't win!
 
I feel unloved.

I try reaching out, but you know how it is... The ones you love never seem to reach back.
 
InnerFlame00 said:
How do you guys deal with it? Has anyone else ever had the problem where they feel they will never find someone who will love them, or feel as intensely as you do? Is this a common problem for INFJ's you think?
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I don't deal with it, I let it pass by because (after many experiences of brooding over it) I find that it usually goes away although it makes me very depressed while its there.

It's probably a very common problem for many types, but especially INFJs and INTJs (maybe moreso INFJs because they're F) as the majority of tyes have difficulty understand Ni.
 
Well I think it's something everyone has to deal with from time to time. I don't think it's a common problem for INFJs only. It's a clich
 
Rouge said:
Are you sure you're not an INFJ??
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I've actually heard that kind of statement from a load of different people of different types ^^" It seems there's a whole load of unrequited love out there...
Which makes me wonder why so many people are single (involuntarily)O_o if there's that much love going around...
 
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