Forgiveness and Second Chances

Depends on the person and situation. If it's cheating in a relationship, then no. If it's messing up a cookie recipe, then knock yourself out with another batch. Just don't make my ass fat.
 
ElSuave said:
This doesn't just go for a romantic point of view, but in any case--you can specify if you'd like.

How do you feel about the two?

Does everyone deserve it?

are there rules?

Do they go hand in hand (do you forgive AND give scond changes, forgive only, or give second chances with grudges held back)?
Click to expand...

To err is human; forgiveness divine.
 
I'm pretty good at forgiving people, however second chances are a much rarer occurrence. Depends on how close I am to a person, and the nature of what they've done.
 
I'm pretty good at forgiving people, however second chances are a much rarer occurrence. Depends on how close I am to a person, and the nature of what they've done. This may sound strange but I don't really hold grudges,I prefer to let go.
 
i always end up forgiving, but if i have been pushed repeatedly past my boundaries over a period of time i can sometimes get very angry before that, and let the relationship go completely. if i started by feeling so extreme in my feelings that letting the relationship go was the right thing to do at the time, then i am usually able to accept that this was the way that it had to be, even if i feel regrets or miss the relationship. my forgiveness usually comes long after it's relevant in terms of salvaging the relationship. i don't really like to revisit the past very much, as if a relationship has broken down to this complete extent, it doesn't seem like it could ever be put back together.
 
I have been forgiven and given 2nd and even 3rd chances by people all my life. I do not know why but I like to think it's because people don't want to be ignored or made to feel like they don't exist and that is what I do to most people not in my circle.
But I have a hard time offering those same things. You have to 1. be very very important to me, 2. have not done something malicious or tried to piss me off.
If you tried to hurt me, goodbye. If you weren't that important to me in the first place- well that's just one less person I have to make time for.
 
My view is everyone is screwed up and people change too slowly. So I will deal with their flaws and I hope they deal with mine.
 
This requires the other person to be 1. apologetic and 2. willing to change.
 
10% of the time I choose forgive someone
90% of the time my brain decides to forgive someone for me

It's kind of annoying to say the least, because then I have an extremely hard time listening to or trusting if I should forgive someone or not, and it can stress me out. In general, I forgive people easily, but it's not by choice. Sometimes I will internally forgive someone, but I will not show it in my actions, or inform this person until much, much later.
 
i don't forgive, i don't forget, and i don't give second chances. i can only think of two people this never applied to. then again those people never needed to be forgiven so they were good choices. the bad thing is that i don't give off good impressions. i usually need a second chance from other people without being thrown aside as an asshole or not worth it before even talking to me. but i can't do it for people. if i even talk to you or spend time with you it means i am letting you in. if i trusted you with something and you failed that there is no way in hell i will ever repeat that mistake. for the most part i don't even set myself up for it.
 
Know a woman caught her husband cheating on her. Everyone told her to forgive him and stick it out for the child involved. There was no more trust in her mindset. Every time he had to work overtime or was late coming home she wondered where he was and what he was doing. She finally divorced him.

I can more readily forgive specific actions than specific people. There is a very broad difference between a mistake and a lifestyle; an error and a mindset. Second and even third chances, therefore, depend upon the infraction.

I believe it is good to forgive, but I would rather have one hand than neither. If someone were to cut off my hand, I may never offer them the other. It has been so discomforting over the years to watch people bite the hand that feeds them. Some people are also like a dog returning to his own vomit. I will say it inherently depends on the person and the situation. I can forgive, but I'm not planning on being stupid about it.
 
*Hi fellow INFJs (and other types)* This is my first post here. Hmm, couldn't help but want to respond.

I find that I always end up forgiving - usually after spending time alone processing what has happened. I think it just helps me move on in life instead of letting it fester somewhere inside of me and having it boil over into another area in my life. There are times when I've distanced myself from people not telling them why and it just causes more confusion. Sometimes it's inevitable that people make mistakes - especially if they're lost or have been violated themselves in the past. It's hard to be *perfect*.
 
Forgiveness isn't about forgetting, approving, denying, waiting for an apology, trusting or neglecting justice nor is it a one time event.

What it is, is about taking back the control of the situation that you lost to an individual who hurt you.
Without anger and bitterness but with mercy.

Ephesians 4:32
Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
 
ElSuave said:
This doesn't just go for a romantic point of view, but in any case--you can specify if you'd like.

How do you feel about the two?

I can forgive but I can't forget. It's a fatal character flaw of mine.

I do give people second chances. I have given someone just that this year. So far they haven't let me down.

Does everyone deserve it?

No I don't believe they do. And only you can decide whether you think that person is worthy of it.

are there rules?

Yes, if you give someone a second chance, you have to be prepared to end it if they do the wrong thing by you again.

Do they go hand in hand (do you forgive AND give scond changes, forgive only, or give second chances with grudges held back)?
Click to expand...

I will forgive as I said but I won't forget. I don't hold grudges but I cannot forget something that has been serious enough to cause me to think of ending a relationship. I just renegotiate the relationship in my mind and try to go on from there. If they screw me over a second time though, it's curtains. No forgive and no forget!

As you can see I have recent experience of just this situation. I have had cause to ponder it a lot. What I am worried about is that the behaviour will recur the next time there is stress in the relationship. I have not got over that fear yet and I'm not sure I ever will.

The other thing is the damage to my feelings for the person which have not yet fully resolved. We're getting there but there is a lot of work to do.
 
ElSuave said:
This doesn't just go for a romantic point of view, but in any case--you can specify if you'd like.

How do you feel about the two?

Does everyone deserve it?

are there rules?

Do they go hand in hand (do you forgive AND give scond changes, forgive only, or give second chances with grudges held back)?
Click to expand...

7x7x7
 
IMO, it should be up to those wronged to judge what the offender deserves, within the bounds of what was done to them.
 
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