Friends With The Opposite Sex

[sassafras]

Arithmetically speaking, I have more guy friends than I have girlfriends. I get along much better with men for some reason, at least at a close but comfortable distance. But I have more close girlfriends than guyfriends (three to two). Mostly because any guys I let in too close develop feelings for me, or vice versa, and we either end up dating or we drift apart.

OR.... we otherwise psychogically scar one another for life. Hmm?

What do you mean?? Please explain.

Things with guyfriends turned boyfriends or admirers have the propensity to get messy. Really messy. And if a friend turned ex-boyfriend threatening suicide because of a break up isn't psychologically scarring, I don't know what is.

 

[Naxx]

Men do have big egos though. Women can have big egos but not on the scale that men do, men LIVE their egos whereas women protect their egos from what I have seen. Its why I cant stand hanging out with too many dudes, I hate sausage fests... all the alpha male aggression and competitiveness leads me to act alpha and competitive and then you have to add being an INFJ on top of that and my determination not to lose and to understand things and be the best. I lose a lot of friends this way... they get all stereotypically male and want to compete, and I obliterate them and embarass them, and I am NOT a good winner to people who put me in that mode because to me its not only about winning, its about making sure they understand that they got outclassed and why. Its kinda wierd... I shy away form hanging out with dudes for all these reasons.

It is irony because the feeling I get from your words fits the alpha male aggression and stereotypical man ego but with a infj flavor. If you wanted to get away from all that "sausage fest" mentality, be objective and maintain friendships all you have to do is accept who you are and your role. No one said you have to play by their games unless that is of course something that effects you, in which I would say you're running in circles.

To

 

[laurie]

I'm saying that men are more obvious about their egos, trying to out-do one another in a very obvious way (speaking for the majority that I know). Whereas women are more subtle in the ways they show their egos, such as out-doing one another on a test and pretending they didn't try even though they obviously worked very hard, studying their brains out (I've had this happen to me ^^").
With men it's usually more upfront and in your face (which I prefer, at least you always know where you stand with them).
Thankfully, I can usually tell when a girl friend is having an ego-fest through the good ol' INFJ intuition (which has saved me numerous times), but for my other girl and guy friends it's not very nice to have happen.

 

[Billy]

It is irony because the feeling I get from your words fits the alpha male aggression and stereotypical man ego but with a infj flavor. If you wanted to get away from all that "sausage fest" mentality, be objective and maintain friendships all you have to do is accept who you are and your role. No one said you have to play by their games unless that is of course something that effects you, in which I would say you're running in circles.

To

 

[Naxx]

I understand everything you are saying and I agree with you, except the life style I live is sort of weird, I am forced into being social and forced into being around lots of tough guys. I hate it because I KNOW how shallow and superficial it is, but I do it anyway because:

A: If I just sat back and let them run the show I would lose business, respect and opportunity. Mostly due to respect, and what kind of people only respect strength and aggression? Sensor Thinkers the majority of the world.

B: I get guilty pleasure from it. I get pleasure from being great at something because I am never just 50% on anything I go 100% on everything and if that makes my skills greater than other peoples in whatever way then I enjoy that. I gloat a little bit especially if they are mouthy, but my NF comes out in me trying to teach other people the same skills so they can get better.

Anyway I tend to just avoid the situation as often as I can, but frankly every time I get out they pull me back in even if I don't wanna go. And I have to just do what I have to do to survive the situation ya know? I am an idealist though and I d agree with you, I guess I just had to make a rational decision and take the low road for now since all the rest stops I know and have currency for are on that road.

When it comes down to survival everything takes a back seat.

 

[domino]

I didn't notice that much difference but then our's is more influenced by the western culture.

to pagan_heart - I know personally 3 INFJ females now and it indeed seems that they have more friends of their own gender. But I also know some women (of other types) who only makes friends with men. So it more depends on a person.

Maybe being in Lithuania changes things? (I couldn't find it on a map to be honest, so don't hate me for suggesting that).

I even pinpointed it on the INFJ map with a green arrow

Ah, such a nice star! :high5:

 

[Roger]

The majority of my friends are female, and I find women more easy to talk to and be around than men. I've also met some females who are the opposite; most of their friends are male and they find men easier to talk to and be around.

Does anyone else feel this way, or are most of your friends of the same gender as you?

Why do people feel/act this way?

Human need some opposition to talk. I think, that's why there males and females in this world.

It is obvious man find comfort easy with woman and vice-versa.
Man is less-emotional and woman is. Woman is less physical strong, but man is. Exchange of need and understanding between each other.

I may sound weird from this. Sorry.

 

[Travo7]

The majority of my friends are female, and I find women more easy to talk to and be around than men. I've also met some females who are the opposite; most of their friends are male and they find men easier to talk to and be around.

Does anyone else feel this way, or are most of your friends of the same gender as you?

Why do people feel/act this way?

I know this has always been true for me. I find it easier to relate to women for some reason. The females I know and feel comfortable around are not very competitive at all, not in a negative way. Not that women can't be competitive, just that the ones I know that are sincere, sensitive and intelligent outnumber the men I know to be of similar qualities by far. Thus, I have very few close, male friends.

 

[soulseeker]

I don't really know hahahahah ) ) hihihi

uhmm.. since I study in an all girls school for ten years... and I have never been exposed to male friends since... I was in grade school.. i wouldn't really know

i don't really have real life male friends

only a few.. like my cousins maybe i'm close to maybe only 2 of them....

so i couldn't really give an exact answer.. but my relatives say that it's better to make friends with men because they don't gossip that much compared to women

 

[testing]

I don't really know hahahahah ) ) hihihi

uhmm.. since I study in an all girls school for ten years... and I have never been exposed to male friends since... I was in grade school.. i wouldn't really know

i don't really have real life male friends

only a few.. like my cousins maybe i'm close to maybe only 2 of them....

so i couldn't really give an exact answer.. but my relatives say that it's better to make friends with men because they don't gossip that much compared to women

Your relatives are right! (Mostly) It's one of mens' more redeeming qualities.

 

[randomsomeone]

Being a career single, I find that good friendships are a primary way to encounter the wonderful influence of the female presence. They keep the last embers in my cold, frozen heart from being completely extinguished, and I am most grateful for those dear ladies brave enough to befriend this grizzled old washed-up vagabond. I have been blessed with some wonderful, even loving, friendships over the years and I value them highly.

 

[yumiii]

Does anyone else feel this way, or are most of your friends of the same gender as you?

Why do people feel/act this way?

Eh. Once upon a time, 97% of my friends were males until it got to the point where my parents told me to stop having so much male friends 'cause it 'tends to always develop into a relationship'. I didn't think so since I believe there is a male-female relationship that could purely stay on a platonic level [I already proved this] but hey, whatever you say folks.

Now I've been able to balance it out. It's mostly 50-50 now, though sometimes one outweighs the other. But you're right, IMO, men are easier to be around with than women. There's just way too much drama with females [I honestly have no idea why] and they always want you to be with them and listen to their 'woe is on me' speech with the smallest misstep and it tends to get exhausting.

However, I do have some amazing female friends who don't do this and this is where the friendship gets so awesome. I usually treat my friends like we're blood-related so we're very close. It's a nice relationship. :]

Eh, with all these, I'm not saying that female friends don't have advantages. They're much more...open [?] and compassionate I guess. Most males tend to turn on their survival instincts when they see or hear a female's whining or problems or better yet, tears! [Not that I ever did any of these actions to them] Haha, it's really amusing to see.

 

[Wyst]

During my college years I didn't have any real male friends. They were all female. Now all of my close friends are male. I still enjoy being friends with girls, but keeping things platonic is too hard.

I don't avoid friendships with women. But knowing that it could get confusing and put stress on the friendship really makes me think twice about who I let get close to me (who, as in girls). This goes for IRL as well as online.

It's not always me that gets the wrong idea though.. last year three girls that I was friends with wanted more than friendship. Those DTRs were not fun to have.

I'm assuming that this whole talk is about friendship. When it comes to taking interest in a girl I know and taking it to the next level, that's completely different.

 

[J. Cardigan]

I like to hang out with girls just because they tend to be more fun. Being with a bunch of dudes feels "stale", for lack of a better term.

Also, no douche-baggery intended here, but girls are way more fun to look at.

It really depends on the person. Most of the guys I tend to meet these days are alpha-male, competitive types that I get tired of very quickly. Oddly enough, the guys tend to incite more drama then most of the girls I know, so that's another strike against them.

The only problem is something that's already been stated: usually someone develops feelings for the other person, and this can and will cause problems. My first year at the last college I went to, some of the only friends I made were these three girls. Out of those three, I'm pretty sure two of them had a crush on me. I know at least one of them wanted to sleep with me. The other one was pretty indifferent but I could've seen her boobies if I wanted to. :X

e: It's worth mentioning that my very best friend is/was a guy.

 

[Celsius100]

I'm pretty much at a 50/50 split, gender-wise. Although, I seem to have more IN types and NF as far as guys go, from what I've noticed.

Actually probably about 75% of my friends in general tend towards introversion. A bit odd, I guess, to think about right now.

 

[Solongo]

All my close friends are male. I just work better with them as far as mental connection and understanding of emotions. However, male friends tend to be very emotional if you get to know them as well, so I dont think its just a matter of women being emotional and man being less emotional.

I also gain better perspective from males than females, but females tend to sugarcoat things and cant admit certain things. However, there is nothing better than hanging out with a close girlfriend.

 

[AUM]

Hey, as long as that person has a sincere and good heart and an open mind, I could care less if they're women or men.

 

[Top cat]

All of my friends have been girls

I always feel alien around guys. but I am interested these days in making male friends
It's unexplored territory.. : -P And I would also like to make friends closer to my age.
I sometimes wonder if my best relationships have been with someone older

 

[Raccoon Love]

I had one female best friend when I was young, afterwrads I have not really made friends with either sex, though females are attracted to talked to me sporadically from time to time. It is extremely rare(more than girls) for me to even start a conversation with a guy.

 

[Gaze]

Most of my close friends have been female, but when a girlfriend begins to talk about their relationship and blames the guy, and doesn't want to take responsibility for their own actions, then i become extremely annoyed. I hate the male bashing that women tend to do when they talk about their relationships. I'd like to have more male friends but i prefer having female friends. But the more successful male friends i have are those who were laid back and had a great sense of humor. They were nice guys, sensitive enough, and know how to make you laugh.

But as many said here, sometimes, when you get to know someone, attraction can build, and when it's one-sided, it hurts, and can become uncomfortable, so . . . idk.