Friendships and ability to be yourself

[natsky]

I tend not to open up very easily, so a lot of my friends in the past have been a lot more outgoing than me - it took their extroversion to really pursue a friendship with me. My best friend through high school and part of college though was an INTJ. I was definitely the more "emotional" one but we both had a very good understanding of being introverted, and liking solitude. She eventually became a lot less like that though and that's ultimately what caused the friendship to die off. My boyfriend is also an INTJ and again, I think it's his introversion that really helps us fit together so well.

 

[Hemoglobin]

I have a hard time being social. I have a core group of friends that are basically my life line. It's very difficult for people to break into the core group and have a presence. To be honest, I've hand selected everybody in my group and like it that way... a sort of control and management of what happens.

My best friend and I only like to socialize when we have an activity to do. Board games, essay writing, or theorizing on certain moral and ethical topics. I prefer this kind of socializing over all others as I don't feel I need to 'be myself' or 'anybody else' for that matter.

 

[Darkestblue]

I have multiple sides to my personality that I'm afraid of showing to people. Most people only see certain sides of me. I have 1 friend who does get to see them all and he accepts them all. I do feel relatively comfortable, though, around some of my other friends who get to see most of me.

 

[knight in battle]

I'm not entirely picky with potential friends (well, sometimes I am picky I guess)... if they show an interest I'll procure a friendship.

I wonder sometimes whether we are too slow to show interest in others. I mean if we are interested, why not show it?

It's a slow process of getting to know each other and feeling like what we are revealing is in good balance. They tell me something, I tell them something. I have friends on all different levels, but I always wonder how the other person views the friendship. Our definitions of what a friendship is might be entirely different. I might think it's shallow, when they think we are close.

I feel like the slowness is much too characteristic of deciding how fast we want to go. I often hold people at a grand distance. And if they are too quick, I simply slow down. The only problem has been when they are slow to increase the friendship level, if they are indeed interested. That's when I usually shut down indefinitely and wait till the "wind" sparks up the fire of friendship again. Oftentimes it seems like the end. But as I use my long-term thinking, I realize that my method should be interact, wait at "stuck" points, and then interact again.

 

[DestinyS]

back when i thought i was supposed to have lots of friends like everybody else i had a really hard time.
i could not fit in. i tried, but it wasn't me and i had a lot of inner turmoil a lot of negative inner dialog that piled up.

'being myself' set me apart in a negative way for most of my teens and young adult life. finally i decided i didn't care anyway, why was i trying so hard??

i have pretty much relaxed into who i am. i am now more able to look with objectivity at my actions, my growth, and my interactions with others.
now those who find me interesting gravitate to me, and those that don't just don't. and that's ok.
consequently i have few friends, but they are the best people to have in my life at this time and i adore them.

I honestly know where your coming from, the idea that I could only feel important with lots of friends was pretty depressing. Looking back now it just makes me laugh. Being myself was the best thing for me. My group has changed a bit, but I'm happy with whom I call a friend now. I find that those that have negative things to say only do because they don't understand you.

 

[Blackmountainside]

i find it difficult to make new friends, because i don't connect with many people. and sometimes i'm too shy to give things a try. i rarely show all of me. i like gentle thoughtful people. i tend to open up more then.

 

[FamineGT]

I have different groups of friends which satisfy different needs. There's a common element in my personality which I would think all of the groups would agree on about me. Sometimes I tone certain aspects of my personality based on the group. When I hang around my "Catholic" friends, I try to be more "tasteful" while with other groups I can be pretty twisted and pervy. I wouldn't say that I'm being false to any of them because they are all aspects of me. I've been one of those people that have been ingrained in the notion of behaving appropriately at certain places and times (asides from the occasional bouts of childishness). Usually in those groups, there's only one or a few individuals in each group that I would be comfortable talking to on a one-on-one basis and those people I consider my stronger friends. That being said, sometimes there's still a lot of gaps during conversations with them.