Getting "Over" An Ex

larry806q said:
First off I would like to see this part of the thread continue, so if it needs split off (pun NOT intended) would the Admin. PLEASE do that?

THIS is why I am here! I am going to Cliff notes this part until I see if there is any interest in the whole story. Knew the woman in 2001 (yes we just got electricity) started helping her in 2004 .......a LOT (a lot) transpires in 6-9 months she "leaves" - physically. From the very beginning virtually everyone said, throw her under the bus (most were hypothetically, I think a couple may have meant literally.) Slamming the door was advocated on a number of occasions, I resisted because........I knew there was a lesson to learn and I did NOT want the lesson to get worse.

I spent a GREAT deal of effort dealing with the aftermath, her chaos and the lesson. Therapy, meetings, even went to a seminar for Professionals on BPD.
After a couple of YEARS things calmed down.....however, from time to time my wife would see her energy field checking in on us. Kept working the issues and thought some of it had been dealt with......until........last week and she is "energetically" back in the picture....ugh.
I have not even said hello to her in 15 years. To further complicate the BPD, at the beginning she was saying we were twinflames.

And yes, that is the Cliff notes version......sordid details left out to protect the innocent.

Larry
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Go on, then. What's the full story?
 
Ok, a bit of ground work. I did not lie on some test to come up with the letters I "needed" to join this list. So, I would like to state that judgement and minimizing would not be my first choices.

So minor details that weren't mentioned were: she was married (I knew that), I am married (I also knew that). In pretty stereotypical fashion she was bitching about hubby. I met him and certainly not perfect and controlling but he didn't get to attila the hun. He made large bucks which at that time was her incentive to not leave.

We shared a weekend "hobby" and she needed help. I was helping others and she asked if she could join, I said yes. Things went fine for about 3 months although she was probably coming on to me then and I wasn't paying enough attention and she is 13 years younger. Then she brings up we are twinflames which I had never heard of before, did some research and blew it off. Another couple of months go by and she is talking about leaving hubby. I tell my wife this and my wife offers to have her stay at our house during her transition. She comes back with......wait for it.....thank you but.....if I do that I have to have sexual access to hubby. My wife and I actually discuss this and agree to give it a try. (I never stated this was logical).

I will add here we both share very similar abuse histories, the connection by now is literally palpable. By the end anyone within 15 feet of us could feel it and since I have a LARGE energy field thought I could help her. The problem became due to the BPD she also knew I could help her and that was more than she could tolerate, the behaviors went seriously eradic. She never moved in (at that time she did not leave hubby) however when we could schedule our weekends together we did and the 3 of us actually had a pretty decent time.

Again, I have these letters for good reason! I love INTENSE relations, take life as serious as a heart attack and can know whatever I want about pretty much any person in front of me. The article I read that got me here suggested that this type were almost fortune tellers to read the future. Nope, In a lot of cases I do know what is going to happen. This relationship was INTENSE!

So, I introduce her to a couple of people, one of which lived a lot closer to her, and both would be acknowledged as higher up the food chain than myself. The first sabatoge was to shift her schooling to one of them with no discussion with me...ouch. Oh I was reminded that I solved one of her issues that 7-10 other people couldn't fix....it went back to the abuse.

So she sent me a hate filled get the hell out of here letter and do not talk to me. I have honored it for 15 years. She tried to talk to me a couple of years later and I reminded her of her request. Moving on....the other person I introduced her to gave seminars...and for some time they did not get along. He was also married. (Patience) 3 years ago he goes thru a divorce.....and somehow they are living a few states over (she has left hubby).

How we found out was fairly amazing. As had happened for the last 15 years we would travel for the hobby and someone we knew we come by and say did you hear the lastest.....and fill us in. Well just last week a person we have known for at least 15 years comes up to us 1300 miles from home and says essentially did you hear.

I can not "see" energy, I sense it. My wife on the other hand can see energy. And for 15 years every so often her energy shows up to check on us. Which not so ironically was 6 days before we heard the latest news. Again she has NO problem finding us anywhere and it isn't bi-locate but she can certainly split off her energy to be where she needs.

Yet again, everyone on here should be able to relate to not wanting anyone to suffer AND wanting to improve society. Her behaviors trigger that sense even more, it is very frustrating how self destructive she can be. To wrap this up: No, I do not want he back in my life uncured. 2. I DO NOT need that level of chaos in my life again.

That kept you occupied for a few minutes!
 
larry806q said:
I appreciate the effort and intention but again the story should be posted and you will see that yet again....wrong response...lol
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You convincing yourself it's the wrong response, is the wrong mindset. What you want in life will forever be hindered by the weakness of the version of you who thinks he wants something easier to attain.
 
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Lady Jolanda said:
More like, what is the story?

I'm sorry, I didn't understand any of it.

I can split the thread, but we seem to be on topic so there's no need so far. Carry on.
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If after the detailed post it still does not make sense ask what you need to know. 1. I am not at home and am doing all of this on a tablet without a keyboard. 2. For this kind of work I am in stream of conscious mode (it makes sense to me). 3. The words that MY mind thinks everyone should know just get dropped and typically I am not aware of doing it. 4. I am kinda working so there are times I have to be conscious of time. 5. I am not trying to be coy, I just don't see the positive of outing people. Ask away.
 
larry806q said:
We shared a weekend "hobby" and she needed help. I was helping others and she asked if she could join, I said yes. Things went fine for about 3 months although she was probably coming on to me then and I wasn't paying enough attention and she is 13 years younger. Then she brings up we are twinflames which I had never heard of before, did some research and blew it off. Another couple of months go by and she is talking about leaving hubby. I tell my wife this and my wife offers to have her stay at our house during her transition. She comes back with......wait for it.....thank you but.....if I do that I have to have sexual access to hubby. My wife and I actually discuss this and agree to give it a try. (I never stated this was logical).
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What?

larry806q said:
I can not "see" energy, I sense it. My wife on the other hand can see energy. And for 15 years every so often her energy shows up to check on us. Which not so ironically was 6 days before we heard the latest news. Again she has NO problem finding us anywhere and it isn't bi-locate but she can certainly split off her energy to be where she needs.
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Oh.

larry806q said:
That kept you occupied for a few minutes!
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:tearsofjoy::tearsofjoy::tearsofjoy::tearsofjoy::tearsofjoy::tearsofjoy: It did!
 
larry806q said:
What? I am hesitant here as ours is a small world and there are already enough details in there to figure out who is involved. We both are involved in showing dogs.
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Yeah, you're right, the dog showing world is known for it's explosive fame.

I'm teasing you here, but I'm sure that whatever reasons you have for not wanting to name names are valid, and I'm sure noone expects that anyway. Carry on.
 
Aneirin said:
Gonna say this again. . close the door, end the chapter and move on. . it is tainting your world
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I certainly take your point and clearly this is not the first time that has been suggested. At one time I thought the door was closed this being a free will planet as you suggest, I can CHOSE to close the door. The minor however, for me is that if the Universe wants to kick the door down, I can't stop it (and I do not believe I am giving away my power). I have a large field but......I certainly can't take on the Universe and win.

One of the significant reasons I joined the list and posted all of this is the "drive/need" of INFJ'S to improve society. This has been a significant frustration of mine for years. The older I get the more I am trying to accept that I as an individual just isn't going to have much of an impact. I have been pondering is this mess my opportunity to bring like minds together to see what can be done for the BPD community. It is a HEDIOUS diagnosis and so circular in its destruction.
Thank you,

Larry
 
Honestly I think an INFJ is probably one of the few personalities that can truly love a borderline. We can “see through all the bullshit” as mine used to say. We can feel those walls, push past them and see the true person underneath.

The first time I told mine I liked her it was like all her walls fell down and there was this very beautiful, sweet and innocent person behind those walls of whit and sarcasm.

It’s in our nature to be empathetic and caring, but a borderline just isn’t capable of ever giving us that same care in return. I think that sorrow is why we just can’t “get over” a borderline.

Since learning about being an INFJ, I‘ve learned a lot about myself. I know now that I will never be truly happy with her. I need things that she just isn’t capable of giving.

I think the only way to “get over” a borderline is to just let go, and move on. It’s taken me almost 10 months to actually look forward to dating someone new. I’m currently talking with another INFJ, haven’t even met in person yet and I already see things in her that my BPD wasn’t capable of.
 
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