- MBTI
- INFJ
- Enneagram
- 5w4
Hi @Nets and everyone. Cute dog in you avatar.
Getting through the holidays without a SO is tough, even for people who are not into the holidays. It is a time of togetherness. So, that may fuel your second guessing.
I think you made the right decision breaking it off and should not backtrack. What @Aneirin said about 'the one' being the right one and everyone else being wrong (whether they are good people or not) is so true.
I've lived a lifetime of watching people turn from "occasional hard partier" to people with serious substance abuse problems. It sneaks up. People who drink (or do recreational drugs) to the point that they are blacking out with any regularity rarely have the self-control or perspective to realize they are hooked and becoming addicts, and worse... they push each other to party harder and do not react to "voices of reason" well. He and his buddies seem to be on a mission to do a lot of drinking and drugs now ("for a few years") and that is going to catch up to some of them. While a lot of people make it out the other side and do well in life, why give yourself that hurdle to jump with a partner?
Most importantly, the mentality that he and his buddies have about partying hard for a few years before "settling down" is a big red flag. People who give up their "fun lives" to "settle down" are often unhappy, bitter, prone to depression, and prone to being unhappy in their marriages (because they view the marriage as the reason they don't have fun.) As we mature we naturally want to move away from some activities, but that is different than forcing it. Look for someone who has a grip on moderation and has a good balance of fun and responsible habits. Since you seem to be attracted to more exciting people and worried you'll be bored with the good guys, finding this balance should help with that. Look for people who have both life goals and interesting hobbies.
Getting through the holidays without a SO is tough, even for people who are not into the holidays. It is a time of togetherness. So, that may fuel your second guessing.
I think you made the right decision breaking it off and should not backtrack. What @Aneirin said about 'the one' being the right one and everyone else being wrong (whether they are good people or not) is so true.
I've lived a lifetime of watching people turn from "occasional hard partier" to people with serious substance abuse problems. It sneaks up. People who drink (or do recreational drugs) to the point that they are blacking out with any regularity rarely have the self-control or perspective to realize they are hooked and becoming addicts, and worse... they push each other to party harder and do not react to "voices of reason" well. He and his buddies seem to be on a mission to do a lot of drinking and drugs now ("for a few years") and that is going to catch up to some of them. While a lot of people make it out the other side and do well in life, why give yourself that hurdle to jump with a partner?
Most importantly, the mentality that he and his buddies have about partying hard for a few years before "settling down" is a big red flag. People who give up their "fun lives" to "settle down" are often unhappy, bitter, prone to depression, and prone to being unhappy in their marriages (because they view the marriage as the reason they don't have fun.) As we mature we naturally want to move away from some activities, but that is different than forcing it. Look for someone who has a grip on moderation and has a good balance of fun and responsible habits. Since you seem to be attracted to more exciting people and worried you'll be bored with the good guys, finding this balance should help with that. Look for people who have both life goals and interesting hobbies.
