Have you found love and how do you treat that special someone?

Where can I find an ENFP male, sounds like a match made in heaven.
 
Awww this is so me!
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When i was 19 I found someone I wanted to spend my life with. Unfortunately we lived so far away from each other so we broke up after a few years. Now I have been single for a while but there is a guy that I'm interested in so hopefully it will work out this time. :)
 
I have had many kinds of love during my lifetime. I still do. We all receive different combinations of love (nurturing care, family acceptance, sexual passion, friendship bonding, professional admiration, etc.) at different times of our lives. All of these are necessary. INFJs make a mistake when they limit their concept of love to an ideal created by society or by their own narrow requirements that cannot be met by real human beings. People are affected by their gender identities and upbringing. They may not be able to deliver love "as expected." INFJs enjoy serious, romantic love, but they still need the other kinds of love in order to succeed in life. Practically speaking, one person cannot deliver everything. It is best to take what each person offers, sum that up, and consider yourself loved.
 
I forgot to answer the second part of the question: How do you treat that "someone special?"
I treat them how they want to be treated -- not always the way I express love!

Here are ways you might expect:
Some people want to perform or achieve something for me. They want to be admired and appreciated. Some people want to share information or feelings with me. They want to be acknowledged and understood. Some people want me to do things for them. They want to witness my joy at helping them.

Here are situations you might not expect:
Some people want to show me they can solve their own problems. They want me to back off and leave them alone for awhile. Some people want to prove they can make their own decisions. They want me to trust them, not question, and be proud of them. Some people want to challenge me or assert their identity to me. They want me to stay calm, consider their viewpoint, and not reject them.

See? People ask for love in many ways. It doesn't always look like love.
 
Deleted member 10171 said:
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“And when at last you find someone to whom you feel you can pour out your soul, you stop in shock at the words you utter— they are so rusty, so ugly, so meaningless and feeble from being kept in the small cramped dark inside you so long.” - Sylvia Plat, The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath
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Yeah that is very true - but I think that's why it's super important to do something that is probably unnatural to INFJ - learn strongly how to love yourself, or at least go over your thoughts and emotions about yourself and try to be self compassionate. I struggle with that too, because in such an unideal world we live in, with people around who seem to be happy with the way the things are, it's difficult to just stop and be kind to yourself (whilst there are still so many things to do). Maybe imagine you're in a relationship with yourself and care about yourself as you would about another person, or at least try. And who knows - maybe you'll find love, maybe you won't. But I think if you don't look out for yourself, you can get hurt easily.

I've always dreamed of that perfect love - where you don't have to set boundaries, because another person will respect you anyway. Where you don't even need to say words to feel close to another person. Where another person won't have to learn how to love you, they'll just do.
But then I got hurt. I was involved with someone who was hurt himself - and I partially wanted to help him, but on the other hand I kept waiting for him to take some interest in me; to see me for who I am and not even understand, but try to give me some kind of depth. And I ended up hurt (and hurting him, too). Because not everyone feels the world the way you feel. Because not everyone's first way to respond is to feel 100% of other person feelings. Because for some people the fact that I take doesn't give an idea that maybe I should give also. And then you end up with feeling not only hurt, but disappointed with yourself that you weren't able to make it work. Even though you ended the relationship as an ultimate act of having to help yourself, because you couldn't go on "running on empty".

I got a dog after I ended my last relationship and only recently I realised that I got the dog not only because I always wanted one, but also because I was so desperate for that unconditional love that I was able to give, but never received. Of course it was one of the best decisions in my life :)

So what do I know better now? When you meet someone, give them a little bit more time than your intuition tells you (cause otherwise you'll always find something wrong about them ;)), but ultimately try to feel how they treat you and ask yourself - if I were that person, would I treat another person like this? Because past certain point, it's almost like a no-return journey. Because it's nice to have someone who passed "the intuition test". But it's also easy to get hurt, little by little, until you become a shell of a person. And then you suffer - because you're hurt and you think you failed to make it work.

Hopefully, I'll find that love - or at least I'll do my best to be ready for it, whether it comes or not. And I want to think that's something
 
Yes, it takes some effort for INFJs to get to that point, acht. To love ourselves. To stop idealizing other people. But it's worth it. Otherwise, we "husk out," and that's no good for anybody.
 
I'm married. Met my husband while I was at uni almost 10 years ago. We hit it off right away and never looked back.

We have a very healthy relationship. The worst aspects of our relationship fall on me since I struggle emotionally and mentally. If I don't keep myself in check, I will self-destruct. He is well-adjusted, smart, and rational. That's a few reasons why I like him.

All of my friendly relationships, on the other hand are total failures. Because of that, I put my husband on a pedestal and do everything I can to make his life easier. Sometimes I forget to put myself first but I am getting better at recognizing my needs too. If I didn't have my husband, I would be voluntarily celibate.

:m066::m066::m066:
 
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