help me type the guy i'm dating?

[anica]

i've known this guy for thirteen years and for most of that time we've been acquaintances, later friends, and for the last six months, lovers. you'd think i'd have figured out his type by now, but no...and i'd like to know. of course he's not interested in doing the test. so let me give you a descrition and see if anyone can come up with any ideas. do you guys do things like this on this forum?

at first i thought he was an intj, but lately i've been thinking entj, but with his strong--and deep--emotions,and his seeming ability to read my mind, as well as an oracular bent, i'm even considering infj. in other words, i'm completely confused.

okay, here goes:

he's very take-charge in a lot of ways and competent in almost everything he does.

he will drop everything he's doing to help someone in need, even if it disrupts his rigid schedule (you can set your clock by his routine).

he's very sexual, an adventurous lover, but sex seems imbued with a spirituality that surpasses even mine.

though our life experiences are very different, we finish each other's sentences--or speak in unison--with alarming frequency.

he's a clean freak and perfectionist.

physics and kundalini yoga float his boat.

he's a voracious reader with eclectic tastes, but favors fantasy.

he's a strange mixture of idealism and cynicism.

he's an ex-Marine who did two tours in 'nam.

he's a confirmed bachelor in late middle age; in fact, he says this is the first time he's ever allowed himself to be 'in love,' whatever that means.

he's led a nomadic and varied life, always seeking freedom.

he's very protective and can be a little bossy, but stops when it doesn't work with me.

we don't have many disagreements, but the one time we did, katie bar the door! we're both very stubborn. though he handles conflict well with strangers, conflict with loved ones makes him physically ill.

he's very good at building furniture and repairing and designing wheelchairs, so he's got some mechanical abilities.

beauty and tranquility are important to him.

any thoughts?

 

[arbygil]

Can I borrow him?

Seriously though, it does sound like he has some well-developed processes. It might be easier to discover his type if you can find out what he was like in his late 20s/early 30s. We tend to settle on our types around that age, and then as we get older we start developing our other, less competent processes. And if your fella has had his share of issues in Nam, he's probably older and ready to settle.

I dunno, he *could* be an INFJ, but he might just as well be an ENFJ who has learned discipline from the military. Was he always a loving, caring individual? If so, I would err on the "F" side preference. If he's naturally thinking and deep in thought and thinks more about systems than people, than he probably has more "T" preferences.

 

[Vagrant]

Yeah, to me it sounds like he's a very well-rounded guy. It's difficult to call.

The way you describe him, it sounds like he's ENTJ, ENFJ, or INTJ.

 

[anica]

Can I borrow him?

Seriously though, it does sound like he has some well-developed processes. It might be easier to discover his type if you can find out what he was like in his late 20s/early 30s. We tend to settle on our types around that age, and then as we get older we start developing our other, less competent processes. And if your fella has had his share of issues in Nam, he's probably older and ready to settle.

I dunno, he *could* be an INFJ, but he might just as well be an ENFJ who has learned discipline from the military. Was he always a loving, caring individual? If so, I would err on the "F" side preference. If he's naturally thinking and deep in thought and thinks more about systems than people, than he probably has more "T" preferences.

thanks. he was the eldest of eight kids and, as far as i can tell, very loving and close to his mom especially as well as being a surrogate dad to the younger ones since his father was away a lot. the defining event of his life occurred when he was fifteen and both his parents were killed in a car accident. the younger kids were divided up among relatives and he was left to fend for himself. i'm sure that affected his twenties. he was in 'nam in his late twenties, and the few war experiences he's told me, though horrifying, showed a man who would come to the defense of the underdog--sometimes violently.

his early thirties are something else altogether as at age thity he walked in on a convenience-store robbery and was shot in the back, permanently paralyzing him. i know this changed everything for him--he had to learn to deal with a loss of dignity, bitterness, anger, etc., all of which i understand thoroughly, having acquired a physical disability myself at forty. both of us have had to look at systems as much as at people, just to survive; but i think his understanding of systems is deeper than mine and he thinks about them more, sees the flaws more clearly. we were both at different times involved in the disability-rights movement--he was a natural leader; i worked more behind the scenes. both of us are more or less 'retired' from activism at the moment and focus more on individuals.

i'm leaning more toward entj now that i've talked your ear off. thanks again for listening and for your input.

 

[TK*]

I dunno...from what you wrote, he sounds like a ENFJ. ENxJ.

Congratulations on finding such a good catch, girly! :thumb: Hope your relationship works out for you!

 

[anica]

I dunno...from what you wrote, he sounds like a ENFJ. ENxJ.

Congratulations on finding such a good catch, girly! :thumb: Hope your relationship works out for you!

thanks tk*. yeah, i hope so too.

 

[Lurker]

he's very take-charge in a lot of ways and competent in almost everything he does.

Te

he will drop everything he's doing to help someone in need, even if it disrupts his rigid schedule (you can set your clock by his routine).

Fe

he's very sexual, an adventurous lover, but sex seems imbued with a spirituality that surpasses even mine.

NF

though our life experiences are very different, we finish each other's sentences--or speak in unison--with alarming frequency.

Esp aka NF

he's a clean freak and perfectionist.

J

physics and kundalini yoga float his boat.

Ni & F

he's a voracious reader with eclectic tastes, but favors fantasy.

Nerd aka IN

he's a strange mixture of idealism and cynicism.

NF

he's an ex-Marine who did two tours in 'nam.

*tips hat*

he's a confirmed bachelor in late middle age; in fact, he says this is the first time he's ever allowed himself to be 'in love,' whatever that means.

T

he's led a nomadic and varied life, always seeking freedom.

Freedom from authority and rules: NT
A more spiritual freedom: NF

he's very protective and can be a little bossy, but stops when it doesn't work with me.

Combined is NFJ

we don't have many disagreements, but the one time we did, katie bar the door! we're both very stubborn. though he handles conflict well with strangers, conflict with loved ones makes him physically ill.

Not ENTJ!

he's very good at building furniture and repairing and designing wheelchairs, so he's got some mechanical abilities.

Se

beauty and tranquility are important to him.

Se

any thoughts?

Fe and a NF and J preference is what I see the clearest, military training can influence the latter so I wouldn't be 100% sure it's a natural thing for him however both Fe dominant types are Js. Because of the fact that conflict with loved ones makes him physically ill I would say he is not a T.

The Fe - Ni - Se of ENFJ would fit.

I really believe everything happens for a reason, to everybody. Relationships are about the higher purpose–there is a deep level that needs to be satisfied or there is no point–I need a unique connection or I am unsatisfied. I feel a responsibility to make a difference.

I am empathic. I just get a feeling about people. It’s difficult to explain. I have the gift of being able to relate and meaningful communication is a major piece of my life and a major vehicle for growth. I’m described as someone who cares, who has an uncanny sense for knowing what others need or what they are about.

Honesty is very important. Even if the truth is bad it adds to the depth of the relationship.

I hate unresolved conflict–it makes me sick and can stay with me until it’s resolved–and I hate it when people are demeaned or mistreated. My heart goes out to them so I feel it’s my responsibility to help, and I will fight on their behalf.

I usually put the relationship ahead of tasks I have to do, but I don’t have unlimited energy. I try hard to “be there” emotionally for those in my life so I have to constantly set up boundaries so I don’t take on their problems.

I also tend to take a leadership position–not a strong one always but I’m looked at as a leader. Others having genuine confidence in me is almost as good as having the confidence myself.

Sounds like what you've said, you can get the full description at the website.

 

[anica]

help me type the guy i'm dating

lurker,

thanks for such an insightful analysis. after reading it, i think you're right on the money. i think one of the reasons i missed that is my younger son tests as an enfj as well and you couldn't ask for two more different people--not that that isn't possible; i mean, we're individuals, not just types. my son has a kind of schizophrenia with a strong mood component called schizoaffective disorder. i know it seems impossible he could be an 'e' with that dx--and he does miss a lot of social cues as a result--but unlike many schizophrenics, he doesn't isolate; in fact, he can hardly bear to be alone. his 'j' score is high despite his organizational abilities being almost nil. it comes, i think, from a need for rigid structuring of his days.

well,i'm getting sidetracked here. thank you again for your analysis. i'm off to read more about enfjs in some of the books on type that i have, since i will be with the geezer for the weekendand it's v-day and all.

edit: his search has been for spiritual freedom and freedom from rules, but mostly spiritual freedom, i believe.