[INFJ] Horror Stories: INFJ Pursuing ENTP

[54tjsioU]

I actually wrote a post about EXACTLY this on PerC (I can PM you the link if you'd like -- just don't make any mention of this website or knowing me....she's active on PerC).

The idea of "sparks" and "chemistry" is very Hollywood. Most long-lasting relationships are, indeed, built off of friendships and commonalities -- "sparks" and "chemistry" should come down the line. If they come right away, you have the recipe for a fling, NOT a relationship (and I have noticed that this girl, in particular, actually calls her 'flings' "romantic relationships.")

Lol yeah that's weird. Sounds kinda crazy too. If I had a fling with some chick and she called it a full out romantic relationship I'd run lol... Thing is man, while women are usually more mature than man in the ways of the world, they will never be as mature as men on sex, ever. Not all of them at least. That's the one thing those idiots thing is like a taboo to talk about. It's the only thing I talk about lol. There's so much stuff no one knows and I get so mad!! Eh, it's whatever. I'll teach em hahaha.

You can pm me but I really don't know much about this site and what buttons to push. I just learned the other day how to do reputation points. I still don't know what they do but people give em to me so I figured I'd stop telling other I appreciate them on the thread and do the reputation thing too. Lol it's really just one line too. "I appreciate you " feel like a jerk cause that it was completely off topic and now the thread doesn't flow as well, lol...

 

[blueman32]

Lol yeah that's weird. Sounds kinda crazy too. If I had a fling with some chick and she called it a full out romantic relationship I'd run lol... Thing is man, while women are usually more mature than man in the ways of the world, they will never be as mature as men on sex, ever. Not all of them at least. That's the one thing those idiots thing is like a taboo to talk about. It's the only thing I talk about lol. There's so much stuff no one knows and I get so mad!! Eh, it's whatever. I'll teach em hahaha.

You can pm me but I really don't know much about this site and what buttons to push. I just learned the other day how to do reputation points. I still don't know what they do but people give em to me so I figured I'd stop telling other I appreciate them on the thread and do the reputation thing too. Lol it's really just one line too. "I appreciate you " feel like a jerk cause that it was completely off topic and now the thread doesn't flow as well, lol...

Yeah, it's a bit unfair, walking in my shoes. She and I REALLY, REALLY hit it off. We ALWAYS have a good time together. I'm not readily available (think about it -- 14 months we've hung out only 4 times). I've been persistent. Some nights at 3AM she'd message me because she needed a therapist, and I'd say "F that" and if I felt like it, I'd respond in the morning.

Everything between us two really added up to relationship. We even got into fights where my conflict-resolution capabilities really showed through. We just have all the right ingredients, she's just unwilling to mix them together.

Out of all people, my mom was the most helpful with getting over this "hump." You can read THAT story in the link I've sent you.

I BELIEVE a PM will show as a regular notification? Let me know if you got it and what you think.

 

[54tjsioU]

Yeah, it's a bit unfair, walking in my shoes. She and I REALLY, REALLY hit it off. We ALWAYS have a good time together. I'm not readily available (think about it -- 14 months we've hung out only 4 times). I've been persistent. Some nights at 3AM she'd message me because she needed a therapist, and I'd say "F that" and if I felt like it, I'd respond in the morning.

Everything between us two really added up to relationship. We even got into fights where my conflict-resolution capabilities really showed through. We just have all the right ingredients, she's just unwilling to mix them together.

Out of all people, my mom was the most helpful with getting over this "hump." You can read THAT story in the link I've sent you.

I BELIEVE a PM will show as a regular notification? Let me know if you got it and what you think.

Yeah, I don't know... I mean, unless you and your dad think very very much alike I'd say be cautious if you're going to do what he did. Know how much is too much on you emotionally. And try to be comfortable with the idea that she may never say yes, or at least able to manage it. If you put all your esteem into her it could be devastating.

And yeah, the pm did; I replied. It's weird, like a little email message. I thought it was gonna be a chat box lol.

 

[SpecialEdition]

You best bet is to let it go.

The term "friend zone" is such a bullshit term. It's the kind of thing people use when they're butthurt that someone doesn't want to fuck them or be otherwise romantically involved. The person who supposedly gets friendzoned then changes their demeanor in the relationship and the whole thing goes to shit. What's actually happening is that the person in the friendzone was always a friend, but they have put the other person in the girlfriend or boyfriend zone. They go into it playing the friend role and are somehow shocked or disappointed that the other person doesn't feel the same way.

People get this idea that just because they invested X amount of time in relationship building that they are somehow entitled or deserving of a chance romantically. To me, that's fucked up. That's a true mark of immaturity and a lack of respect for the person you are pursuing and a complete disregard for their feelings.

So someone doesn't want you? So what? Why does the time you invested now become a waste? Why do you focus on potential? Potential assumes that you'll invest more of your time and emotions from a romantic perspective, NOT a friend perspective and then when it doesn't pan out resentment tends to happen. I have been on the receiving of this from INTJ/INFJ types and it's brutal and destroyed the friendship. I actually felt betrayed by those guys because they had put on this front of friendship and as soon as I mentioned another guy suddenly shit hit the fan and they could NOT let go of the fact that I didn't want to be with them sexually or romantically. Was there potential there? Not on my end. Was there any kind of feelings there? Not on my end. But the reverse was true for them and they could not see outside of their own emotions.

Let it go. Maybe in a few years you will reconnect and it will work out. Maybe it won't. But I wouldn't say that at 23 years old you have anything figured out either. Everyone thinks they do, but they don't and it's ignorant to assume so.

 

[blueman32]

You best bet is to let it go.

The term "friend zone" is such a bullshit term. It's the kind of thing people use when they're butthurt that someone doesn't want to fuck them or be otherwise romantically involved. The person who supposedly gets friendzoned then changes their demeanor in the relationship and the whole thing goes to shit. What's actually happening is that the person in the friendzone was always a friend, but they have put the other person in the girlfriend or boyfriend zone. They go into it playing the friend role and are somehow shocked or disappointed that the other person doesn't feel the same way.

People get this idea that just because they invested X amount of time in relationship building that they are somehow entitled or deserving of a chance romantically. To me, that's fucked up. That's a true mark of immaturity and a lack of respect for the person you are pursuing and a complete disregard for their feelings.

So someone doesn't want you? So what? Why does the time you invested now become a waste? Why do you focus on potential? Potential assumes that you'll invest more of your time and emotions from a romantic perspective, NOT a friend perspective and then when it doesn't pan out resentment tends to happen. I have been on the receiving of this from INTJ/INFJ types and it's brutal and destroyed the friendship. I actually felt betrayed by those guys because they had put on this front of friendship and as soon as I mentioned another guy suddenly shit hit the fan and they could NOT let go of the fact that I didn't want to be with them sexually or romantically. Was there potential there? Not on my end. Was there any kind of feelings there? Not on my end. But the reverse was true for them and they could not see outside of their own emotions.

Let it go. Maybe in a few years you will reconnect and it will work out. Maybe it won't. But I wouldn't say that at 23 years old you have anything figured out either. Everyone thinks they do, but they don't and it's ignorant to assume so.

I actually agree with you 100%, and you're just repeating what I've said.

I do think "friend-zone" is a BS term b/c I don't think it really exists. I've had friends that turned into relationships, friends that turned into one-night stands, and friends that turned into enemies. Everyone thinks "when in the friend-zone, you're doomed to stay there." That's only true if you put up the FRONT of a friend.

I've been pretty insistent since day 1 with her that I see her in a romantic light. She can't really feel betrayed because I was honest with her from the get-go. The fact that she thought I was taking her out to dinner as "just a friend" actually shows ME that she wasn't paying attention (I've told her, in the past, that I can't 'hang out' with her as "just a friend" because I just cannot see her as "just a friend.")

I don't think the time invested was "a waste," but I do think there is a time when I have to remove the fetters, get up, and move on. There are other women out there. I've spent 14 months with this one (a couple of girls came in between, but this one was always, far and large, my #1).

A TRUE mark of maturity is to say "you know what? I've made my intentions clear. I spent a LOT of time on this girl, and she just doesn't see me in that light. I have to cut my losses and move on."

I have to say, you make it sound like I'm somehow in the wrong. The ENTIRE TIME I was honest with her, and actually, by accepting my dinner invitation, if anything, SHE betrayed ME and MY wishes (I even called the dinner situation a "date," gave her a time I'd pick her up, and hell, she even wore makeup and did her hair, things that she NEVER does).

I don't have it all figured out yet. Never made the claim that I do. But I DO know that I have it figured out more than most 23 year olds. Call it the sage in me.

But I do agree with you. ANYTHING can happen in this world. She may call me tonight and say that she only just realized the feelings she had for me.....or maybe next year, I finally am able to be friends with her, hang out with her, and fall deeply in love with one of her best friends. Maybe I'll never see her again. Who knows.

I say leave all that to the Universe, but in the meantime, "her friend" is not a role I want to play because I can't see her as "just a friend." Like I told her, time and time again it seems like she and I are on different pages in regards to where we stand in each others lives, and for that, I think it's best to just end it. If she wants to hop on board and see me in the same light that I see her, well, that's up to her.

Funny that you say that everyone thinks they have it figured out. My best friend of 16 years (he's only 5 days younger than me) talks and acts like he has it all figured out (he's an unhealthy INTJ). I am at the point that I just agree with him, but oh boy, he couldn't be further away from the truth. Best part is, his mom is the same way (she's very delusional and talks like she knows everything when she doesn't know shit.....very unintelligent woman who thinks she's very intelligent). Guess ya gotta get it from somewhere....

 

[SpecialEdition]

I actually agree with you 100%, and you're just repeating what I've said.

I do think "friend-zone" is a BS term b/c I don't think it really exists. I've had friends that turned into relationships, friends that turned into one-night stands, and friends that turned into enemies. Everyone thinks "when in the friend-zone, you're doomed to stay there." That's only true if you put up the FRONT of a friend.

I've been pretty insistent since day 1 with her that I see her in a romantic light. She can't really feel betrayed because I was honest with her from the get-go. The fact that she thought I was taking her out to dinner as "just a friend" actually shows ME that she wasn't paying attention (I've told her, in the past, that I can't 'hang out' with her as "just a friend" because I just cannot see her as "just a friend.")

I don't think the time invested was "a waste," but I do think there is a time when I have to remove the fetters, get up, and move on. There are other women out there. I've spent 14 months with this one (a couple of girls came in between, but this one was always, far and large, my #1).

A TRUE mark of maturity is to say "you know what? I've made my intentions clear. I spent a LOT of time on this girl, and she just doesn't see me in that light. I have to cut my losses and move on."

I have to say, you make it sound like I'm somehow in the wrong. The ENTIRE TIME I was honest with her, and actually, by accepting my dinner invitation, if anything, SHE betrayed ME and MY wishes (I even called the dinner situation a "date," gave her a time I'd pick her up, and hell, she even wore makeup and did her hair, things that she NEVER does).

I don't have it all figured out yet. Never made the claim that I do. But I DO know that I have it figured out more than most 23 year olds. Call it the sage in me.

But I do agree with you. ANYTHING can happen in this world. She may call me tonight and say that she only just realized the feelings she had for me.....or maybe next year, I finally am able to be friends with her, hang out with her, and fall deeply in love with one of her best friends. Maybe I'll never see her again. Who knows.

I say leave all that to the Universe, but in the meantime, "her friend" is not a role I want to play because I can't see her as "just a friend." Like I told her, time and time again it seems like she and I are on different pages in regards to where we stand in each others lives, and for that, I think it's best to just end it. If she wants to hop on board and see me in the same light that I see her, well, that's up to her.

Funny that you say that everyone thinks they have it figured out. My best friend of 16 years (he's only 5 days younger than me) talks and acts like he has it all figured out (he's an unhealthy INTJ). I am at the point that I just agree with him, but oh boy, he couldn't be further away from the truth. Best part is, his mom is the same way (she's very delusional and talks like she knows everything when she doesn't know shit.....very unintelligent woman who thinks she's very intelligent). Guess ya gotta get it from somewhere....

I have been involved with INTJs and have many INTJ friends... They do have that sort of arrogance about them sometimes. I love INTJ's for their logical thinking and their certainty but I think they can only figure things out for themselves... I always find that INTJ's come to the game late in terms of social interactions and every time they think they have it all figured out someone behaves in a way that throws their ideas clear out the window and it's a big "WTF" moments.

I am not trying to imply that you are wrong. What I am implying is that your expectations are. 14 months, at your age, is a long time to be invested. I am just not sure why you would have gone along for sooooo long without her reciprocating your feelings at all or actively pursuing the romantic relationship with you. If you made it clear from the get go that you wanted to be more than friends and she either ignored it, didn't clue in or otherwise didn't return the feelings then it was essentially your choice to continue in that friendship with her regardless of what she felt... So to come at it after the fact and try to understand why she's not on the same page as you and everything else it just misses the point of the whole thing.

I was in your exact position with the ENTP I am with now five years ago. We went on dates, we made out, I would have had sex with him but it never got to that point. We exchanged gifts and for all intents and purposes I really saw it developing into a relationship. So when I pursued that he shut me right down and it was a shock to me and I didn't understand it because, as with your situation, everything seemed to align so perfectly and yet somehow he had zero interest in romantic involvement. It blew my mind and it took me a while to understand that the chemistry, on his end, just simply was not there. And now that years have passed we remained in touch but at a distance. I pursued him again and then it just "clicked." We had each dated different people in between but at the end of the day it turned out that we were exactly what each other were waiting for in a long term partner, but it was just that BOTH of us didn't know it until that time... And funnily enough we were both in our very early 20's when we met also. We just had to grow as people to get to the point we're at now.

So at the end of all this all I am saying is that maybe in the future the two of you can work it out years down the road.

 

[blueman32]

I have been involved with INTJs and have many INTJ friends... They do have that sort of arrogance about them sometimes. I love INTJ's for their logical thinking and their certainty but I think they can only figure things out for themselves... I always find that INTJ's come to the game late in terms of social interactions and every time they think they have it all figured out someone behaves in a way that throws their ideas clear out the window and it's a big "WTF" moments.

I am not trying to imply that you are wrong. What I am implying is that your expectations are. 14 months, at your age, is a long time to be invested. I am just not sure why you would have gone along for sooooo long without her reciprocating your feelings at all or actively pursuing the romantic relationship with you. If you made it clear from the get go that you wanted to be more than friends and she either ignored it, didn't clue in or otherwise didn't return the feelings then it was essentially your choice to continue in that friendship with her regardless of what she felt... So to come at it after the fact and try to understand why she's not on the same page as you and everything else it just misses the point of the whole thing.

I was in your exact position with the ENTP I am with now five years ago. We went on dates, we made out, I would have had sex with him but it never got to that point. We exchanged gifts and for all intents and purposes I really saw it developing into a relationship. So when I pursued that he shut me right down and it was a shock to me and I didn't understand it because, as with your situation, everything seemed to align so perfectly and yet somehow he had zero interest in romantic involvement. It blew my mind and it took me a while to understand that the chemistry, on his end, just simply was not there. And now that years have passed we remained in touch but at a distance. I pursued him again and then it just "clicked." We had each dated different people in between but at the end of the day it turned out that we were exactly what each other were waiting for in a long term partner, but it was just that BOTH of us didn't know it until that time... And funnily enough we were both in our very early 20's when we met also. We just had to grow as people to get to the point we're at now.

So at the end of all this all I am saying is that maybe in the future the two of you can work it out years down the road.

Ahhh. Once again, I think we agree, and I thank you for this.

I'm not holding out hope, but I'm leaving the door slightly ajar.

I just can't be her "just a friend" just so that, one day, a guy will enter her life romantically and I'm supposed to pretend that I'm happy about that situation.

I REALLY, REALLY liked this girl. It may have even been the closest to "love" I've gotten.

I do agree with you with what you say about my expectations being wrong. I invested such a long time because I've read EVERYWHERE "with ENTPs, it's all about persistence." She even told me that the friends that persisted to stay in her life were the friends that became her lifelong friends.

Perhaps I should have mentioned it earlier, but about a month or so after we hooked up (I was in South Africa), I was going through a period of growth. I think this was my Fe developing. Because of this, I just wasn't right. I sort of projected a lot of shit onto her, and she told me one night "I don't want a relationship with you. This is a blunt proclamation. I don't trust you, and there is no chemistry between us."

I stopped talking to her. On PerC it appeared as if she was trying to reach out to me. I didn't take the bait.

About 5 WHOLE months later, she was "reaching out" to me on Twitter, it appeared (started Favoriting my tweets, started making snarky comments about my Tweets, starting some short arguments, like when I mentioned "how bad MTV shows are"). Then, I went to my college to visit friends. I saw her at a bar, we were both drunk, I went to go talk to her, she was VERY defensive and kind of bitchy.

Next day, she apologized to me via Twitter (I think she was seeing an ISFP guy at the time -- saw her with him at the bar, though there body language didn't shout out "dating," and then saw her with him the next day at a fair at our school where, once again, it seemed like he was moreso following her around than actually being with her).

We started talking. We were both VERY guarded. Then, I managed to ask her out to a haunted house -- not a date, but just as friends. A day before, she got a concussion. We decided to hang out. The SECOND I went to her dorm room (her door was ajar for me), she took out her hairpiece and spit out her gum (hmmm......).

We hung out again about a week or so later....a couple of days before we were going to go to the now RESCHEDULED haunted house. We drove around for about thirty minutes. She must have called me "friend," "bro," and "dude" a thousand times, and she referenced her crush (who she claims she is over since her trip) a couple of times. She told me I was never allowed in her room again because her best friend (lives across the hall) heard "male voices" (she actually LITERALLY puts her ear against her door -- ENTP told me it drives her crazy. Her friend is xSTJ).

I dropped her off, had an awkward hug with her, left. A day before the haunted house, I told her I wasn't going to be taking her because nothing changed, I still REALLY liked her, and I don't think we are on the same page. This is when I tell her "I can't hang out with you in a 'just friends' context because even if I try, I can't see you as "just a friend" right now. Because, frankly, I don't want to sleep with my lady "friends."" She commended me on my honesty and told me how "I'm always so honest and upfront with her, something that no other guy is, and she REALLY appreciates how there are no 'games' with me."

We don't talk for a month. Then, she reaches out AGAIN. She seems really depressed. I'm careful NOT to become her therapist, but I am always VERY clear that I like her. One night, I told her how I wanted to go so badly to this wolf reservation, but no one wants to go with me. Her response? "PICK ME PICK ME." A week before, I reminded her, and "oh crap. I haven't seen my dad in a LONG time, and he told me he's coming up that day. Can I reschedule?" We set dinner DATE (and I do call it a date), and tell her we can reschedule wolves for March 15 (which, obviously, isn't happening anymore).

I've been a few "first dates" before, and this was perhaps the most relaxed, comfortable one I've been on. It never seemed force, LOTS of laughing, it just made sense. There is DEFINITELY a comfort between she and I, she even made AT LEAST two dick jokes, about MY dick.

Everyone I tell the story to in its entirety tell me they don't know what to say. They think she likes me, but internally, she's fighting it or she's just unsure or too nervous to accept it. I don't know what it is. I don't want to analyze it.

It seems like you and I have EXTREMELY similar stories. Perhaps coach me?

 

[Haifaa Aziz]

Oh hii, am infj female and i just started this long distance relationship with someone who i can tell to be an entp. It started beautifuly we had many things in common, he's really cool and we got along in no time! I fell in love with him in no time n so did he tell me so, he even told me that he's planning on marrying me n that he'd do anything to get to me and marry me..it seemed beautiful until he started to draw himself away from me by not spending much time with me as we used to, i felt very confused and guilty because i thought i did or said something that hurt him, so i asked him about it he claimed that everything is fine and i should not worry and i should trust him for he loves me and he wont let go of me!! But i do feel like he makes excuses and he's not actually busy!

So recently I started to pretend am busy with my life because i thought maybe he needs space and because i hate to seem clingy! He asks me to chill so am kinda pretending to be relaxed but i dunno does he really mean it or if i did relax he'd be hurt as i feel hurt when he spend less time with me!! Is this what he means by being relaxed or am over reacting?! I just wish i could understand how should i get along with him without getting hurt because i really do like him a lot, and he makes me feel very special most times and i could feel his love for me! It's just i don't how does he function?!

Please help me understand if anyone does..

 

[blueman32]

Oh hii, am infj female and i just started this long distance relationship with someone who i can tell to be an entp. It started beautifuly we had many things in common, he's really cool and we got along in no time! I fell in love with him in no time n so did he tell me so, he even told me that he's planning on marrying me n that he'd do anything to get to me and marry me..it seemed beautiful until he started to draw himself away from me by not spending much time with me as we used to, i felt very confused and guilty because i thought i did or said something that hurt him, so i asked him about it he claimed that everything is fine and i should not worry and i should trust him for he loves me and he wont let go of me!! But i do feel like he makes excuses and he's not actually busy!

So recently I started to pretend am busy with my life because i thought maybe he needs space and because i hate to seem clingy! He asks me to chill so am kinda pretending to be relaxed but i dunno does he really mean it or if i did relax he'd be hurt as i feel hurt when he spend less time with me!! Is this what he means by being relaxed or am over reacting?! I just wish i could understand how should i get along with him without getting hurt because i really do like him a lot, and he makes me feel very special most times and i could feel his love for me! It's just i don't how does he function?!

Please help me understand if anyone does..

If he says everything is fine, I'd believe him.

Once he starts saying 'no' to sex or acts distant when you guys are together, THEN I'd worry.

 

[Vanixaria]

Any other INFJ have a horror story about pursuing an ENTP?

Please, it would be rather therapeutic for me.

Well...

I'm and INFJ gal that met an ENTP male online and we've been married since 2009. I won't say it's been a smooth ride because there are definite things each personality type needs that the other just can't give. I had to learn the hard way that I won't be his best friend - we went through some trials where I thought for sure he was cheating, even him leaving me pregnant to go visit a friend he used to be in love with which put him 3 states away for a week. I've learned that insecurity to be my paranoia. ENTPs need a certain "on the pedestal" connection that I as in INFJ can't meaningfully give, but I also need something that my ENTP husband can't give. Who knows what her idea of "romantic compatibility is", I know my husband envisions a vixen-style bedroom, but he is never the first to act on those whims. He also like lightheartedness in life which as an INFJ is a bit difficult to manage. Have you asked her what she meant by romantic compatibility? Did you ever just push her against a wall with primal lust? <---- that could be the romantic incompatibility. I know my husband loves it when I command the bedroom, and if I don't the bedroom become just a room with a bed .

 

[blueman32]

Well...

I'm and INFJ gal that met an ENTP male online and we've been married since 2009. I won't say it's been a smooth ride because there are definite things each personality type needs that the other just can't give. I had to learn the hard way that I won't be his best friend - we went through some trials where I thought for sure he was cheating, even him leaving me pregnant to go visit a friend he used to be in love with which put him 3 states away for a week. I've learned that insecurity to be my paranoia. ENTPs need a certain "on the pedestal" connection that I as in INFJ can't meaningfully give, but I also need something that my ENTP husband can't give. Who knows what her idea of "romantic compatibility is", I know my husband envisions a vixen-style bedroom, but he is never the first to act on those whims. He also like lightheartedness in life which as an INFJ is a bit difficult to manage. Have you asked her what she meant by romantic compatibility? Did you ever just push her against a wall with primal lust? <---- that could be the romantic incompatibility. I know my husband loves it when I command the bedroom, and if I don't the bedroom become just a room with a bed .

I mean, I kind of think she sorta knows that I'm capable of controlling her in the bedroom. Even when we hooked up I sort of threw her around a little bit and she admitted later on that turned her on quite a bit.

BUT the guys that she seemed to go after in her past and between the months of us hooking up til now tend to be, well, rather thin, feminine looking and small where I'm muscular, masculine, and "traditionally tall, dark, and handsome."

 

[Vanixaria]

I mean, I kind of think she sorta knows that I'm capable of controlling her in the bedroom. Even when we hooked up I sort of threw her around a little bit and she admitted later on that turned her on quite a bit.

BUT the guys that she seemed to go after in her past and between the months of us hooking up til now tend to be, well, rather thin, feminine looking and small where I'm muscular, masculine, and "traditionally tall, dark, and handsome."

I'm a firm believer in "if it's meant to be, it usually comes easily". Now that doesn't mean you don't have to put forth a little effort, but when you are concerned about something and you find yourself prone to taking a specific path, then that usually the way you should to. Honestly, if she's this hard to get as a girlfriend maybe you two were simply meant to be good friends. I know sometimes I have to put my lust for something aside to really feel what is right. A great deal of the time what I thought I wanted so desperately was just a symptom of some shortcoming or epiphany. I wish you luck, sweety, and hope for the best .

 

[blueman32]

I'm a firm believer in "if it's meant to be, it usually comes easily". Now that doesn't mean you don't have to put forth a little effort, but when you are concerned about something and you find yourself prone to taking a specific path, then that usually the way you should to. Honestly, if she's this hard to get as a girlfriend maybe you two were simply meant to be good friends. I know sometimes I have to put my lust for something aside to really feel what is right. A great deal of the time what I thought I wanted so desperately was just a symptom of some shortcoming or epiphany. I wish you luck, sweety, and hope for the best .

I'm considering sending her a message in a week or two that says, "lets be friends."
Would that be weak? Would that be bending to her will? Is it a bad idea?

I do have a girl in tow (one that I'm talking to and seeing, not officially dating), so if that goes a little further, I think I'll be able to be friends with this girl.

 

[Vanixaria]

I'm considering sending her a message in a week or two that says, "lets be friends."
Would that be weak? Would that be bending to her will? Is it a bad idea?

I do have a girl in tow (one that I'm talking to and seeing, not officially dating), so if that goes a little further, I think I'll be able to be friends with this girl.

Maybe in this situation, you should be more "P" and a little less "J" Go with your gut, I've found that when I don't go with that little sense deep down I end up making the wrong decision. Of course I still over analyze anyway but I've learned that intuition is a set of data just as much as observation. Hope you find the answers you need.

 

[Lerxst]

Never thought of it much, but most of the girls in my later teen years were either ENTP's or pretty damn close.

I've had it the other way around (I rejected them)... twice I think... no 3... um... err 4 times I think. My last years in high school and early college; about 20 years ago. Funny thing how I just "knew" something wasn't right with the situation in each case. One had dated about half my friends before moving through the ranks and ending up at me (Although, I only had about 6 friends). One had a total crush on me, but everything about her just annoyed me (too much makeup, bad tastes in music, etc.). Another dropped her shorts in the dorm stairwell to show me her "Tweety Bird" panties (intentionally never saw her for the rest of year after that). The last one was flirting with me in front of a small group of friends... and her boyfriend.

In each occasion, part of me was flattered and almost drawn to their "take charge" personalities (considering I was this quiet, geeky, long-haired musician) but anytime my brain kicked in (ya know, the one actually in my skull...) and fast-forwarded the scenario a few days or weeks, warning alarms started ringing loud and clear. I shot all of them down. One of them I even called a "crazy bitch" and her boyfriend agreed.

Problem, I figure, with the ENTP type is that damned "P". There's no follow-through and no forethought. In each case, you can pretty much say I threw the first punch I suppose. Instead of getting sucked into their games and spending months anguishing over their petty crap, I just blew them off and walked away. Then I met an ESTJ... and we got married, been together for 15 years... and had a kid

I still stand by my original thoughts I've shared on this forum, ENTP's aren't worth the time or energy. They might make decent friends, but keep them at a very, very, VERY safe distance!

 

[blueman32]

Never thought of it much, but most of the girls in my later teen years were either ENTP's or pretty damn close.

ENTP girls are INCREDIBLY rare dude, I kind of find this hard to believe. Perhaps they were ENFP or ESTP? That would make more sense.

Other than that, based on my sample size of 1, I might agree with you. 14 month of chasing and anguish when it looked like we were going to end up down the road of, at the very least, "lets see where this goes," I was disappointed.

I've heard the ENTP-INFJ compatibility stereotype is mostly for INFJ women and ENTP men. I've heard that INFJ men are more suited with ENFP/INTP/ENFJ women. I REALLY like this ENTP girl, but perhaps if we sort of "went the distance," I would be always living in a sea of uncertainty.

She would never practice infidelity, I'll give her that much. BUT there will be days where it's, in her eyes, perfectly acceptable not to talk to me or treat me just like any of her other friends. In a relationship, I'd need a bit more reassurance and affection than that.

 

[blueman32]

ANNNNNDDDDDD she's in a relationship with another ENTP.

He's a year younger, and she graduates in 2 months. Makes no sense, but in her stupidity, I kind of am happy I am no longer talking to her.

As a consequence, I got rid of my Facebook and Twitter accounts. Wanted to get rid of them for a while, so it's a good excuse to do so.

Also, in time of a breakup or a disappointment, I tend to reinvent myself. In the past, I've gotten into the best shape of my life, got a tattoo, traveled the world, gotten into photography, and now I think I'm going to write a book. I have a great story with many layers to tell.

I'm going to join the ranks of the 80% of Americans that have the idea of writing a book, but I will be one of the <2% that actually do it.

When it's published within the next year, I'll post the title so y'all can buy it from Amazon.

 

[HunterO]

I've noticed that women sort of go by scent. In that there are these pheromones that determine your genetic compatibility together. It could be that you two are too close in genetic makeup, hence why she doesn't feel attraction towards you. Of course, that doesn't explain your attraction towards her, but it seems like you're attracted to her mind, and her personality, her "free spirit" shall we say.

It's hard to gauge exactly what she is thinking from second hand anecdotal information, but when a woman says she's not interested romantically, it's really final. And it's really quite unfair to start another relationship whilst you're still hung up on her. Perhaps you should go through a period where you sort of ritualise an end to the relationship, so that you will be free for the next person. You're really open to falling in love when you're not held back by previous relationships.

 

[blueman32]

I've noticed that women sort of go by scent. In that there are these pheromones that determine your genetic compatibility together. It could be that you two are too close in genetic makeup, hence why she doesn't feel attraction towards you. Of course, that doesn't explain your attraction towards her, but it seems like you're attracted to her mind, and her personality, her "free spirit" shall we say.

It's hard to gauge exactly what she is thinking from second hand anecdotal information, but when a woman says she's not interested romantically, it's really final. And it's really quite unfair to start another relationship whilst you're still hung up on her. Perhaps you should go through a period where you sort of ritualise an end to the relationship, so that you will be free for the next person. You're really open to falling in love when you're not held back by previous relationships.

Thanks.

Yeah, I'm over it. I'll never understand why she is with ENTP (which is really doomed to fail as she graduates from college and he continues college -- they will be no less than 2 hours away from each other, and she was always talking about moving from NYC to LA), but it is what it is.

I still think she messed up, but ah well.