[INFJ] How can I stop thinking about someone?

[Erlian]

I don't want to say or do anything that I will later regret. For example, blurt out how I feel about him or go as far as physically hurting him.

I don't want to give him anymore attention. Knowing this hardhead he will do anything to get my attention, so pushing him away is not even an option and that is annoying.
If you were me what would you do?

I wouldn't think so lowly of someone I obsess over in the first place. Either I rationalise that he's not so bad after all or I stop obsessing.
Seeing as stopping obsessing isn't so easy, I'd probably rationalise his bad character traits, obsess even more and try to make a move of some sorts.

But that's not very helpful I guess.
If you really want him out and away, there's three things you must do. All have been mentioned in this thread by me or others.
1) Limit (preferably remove all) contact with him. See my first reply in the thread.

2) Occupy mind with something else. Do a hobby, see friends or drown yourself in books, movies, games or series (like @Artfist suggested)

3) And lastly, what [MENTION=3799]bionic[/MENTION] started with and [MENTION=13357]SeanSquared[/MENTION] elaborated on.
I'll elaborate some more on this as well. First an example.
About a month ago I was infatuated (feeling in love) with a girl (ENFJ) who was literally all over me asking for attention. I wondered why I was infatuated and came up with two reasons: First she's showing interest in me. Second she's gorgeous. Do I want to love someone based on these criteria? Nah, it surely helps, but that's not what I deem most important. Simply understanding the reason behind my infatuation, lessened it. I didn't feel it as much. It didn't go away (mostly because I liked it anyway and I didn't really mind), but it got lesser. I got more skeptical: I don't even know what kind of person she is, etc.
Understanding also helps me with anger. If I understand something, I can't be angry.

So to echo what SeanSquared said, try to find out why you obsess over him. What does he do? What is the behaviour? Secondly, why do you like and/or obsess over this behaviour? And do this by expressing yourself outwards (again SeanSquared said it perfectly). The first thing was creating this thread. A really good step in getting over the obsession. Talk with a close friend. Or just write for yourself in something like a diary. All the girls I have been seriously interested in the last year I have a dedicated textfile on my computer and/or phone detailing all my thoughts.
Most of the entries take the form of a letter. Much like the 'Letter to your love interest' thread. In some tougher cases I've actually written the letter with the purpose of showing her, but eventually I didn't. My needs were fulfilled by writing it in the first place.
I disagree with the private part. I think a thread like this would be fine too. But you have to be able to be open. Most people prefer to only open up in private situations.

So expressing yourself has two functions. It brings understanding and a way out for your thoughts. Both are very helpful for getting rest in your mind.

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Personally I've always gone for 3 only, but now also incorporate 1, because otherwise you just slide back into it. It's so much easier if you're not reminded of the other person. It's still hard to cease all contact though, because you hurt the other. However in the long run I've found it to be worth it.
I don't really do 2, because I don't take a lot of initiative. Sometimes it just happens that I get distracted or busy by life and when that happens it helps a lot in forgetting about someone.


PS. If he directly tries to get attention, coldly refuse or ignore, move away and do something else. Or if you can't move away, just keep going as if he isn't there. If that's too hard, politely/coldly tell him that you would like him to leave. If he has some counter argument, just repeat what you said. Don't let him drag you into some discussion.

 

[grt$5vb]

If you need to step away and take some time, especially since you mentioned physically hurting him, I would be upfront and honest about it. He should respect you and wait until you are ready to resume communication. After you feel calmer and ready to engage with him you will need to be around long enough to hear or see something distasteful to instantly humanize him and remove the pedestal, as Erlian suggested. If you stay away you will always spin tales in your head romanticising senarios which will further the obsession.

I've been there and used both tactics. Hang in there.

 

[ryiker]

I don't know if this will work for you since it's not a proven theory, it is simply something I have found effective when I want to regain control fast. You have to have an extremely advanced imagination/mind for this to work and I'm not sure if being an INTP helps since I can segregate my emotions once they get to a certain level. If you'd like to try it though....
You set up a situation in your mind with you and this person (does not necessarily have to be romantic) and whatever button you have that triggers the most response use that to seal the deal. Example: you and this person are in the middle of a conversation, you disagree and they physically hit you. You and this person socialize for a few months and they begin to obsess about you, keeping tabs, following you around to the point of a restraining order and breaking into your place. After a long drawn out conflict they commit suicide trying to take you with them. I know this sounds extreme...and it is meant to be. You have to get into it however; you can not just wonder or contemplate it. All emotions and physical reactions must be created and run their course for a brief moment. The result will be that no matter how exciting or captivating the person might come across from that point on, you will have a physical memory or reaction in your brain that will defuse any chemical or emotional attraction because of the scenario and situation that you created. I think it's pretty obvious but you must be sure you never want anything with this person other than friendly minor contact. If you do it correctly you will not be able to argue yourself back out of where you stand with them. To change it would require serious mental/psychological manipulation on your part to erase everything you created. As I stated before it is extreme (understatement) however; it is absolutely effective, instantaneous and unless undone or a very long time passes it will not change. Just one more option since you seemed so upset about the whole situation.

 

[MrSquared]

So to echo what SeanSquared said, try to find out why you obsess over him. What does he do? What is the behaviour? Secondly, why do you like and/or obsess over this behaviour? And do this by expressing yourself outwards (again SeanSquared said it perfectly). The first thing was creating this thread. A really good step in getting over the obsession. Talk with a close friend. Or just write for yourself in something like a diary. All the girls I have been seriously interested in the last year I have a dedicated textfile on my computer and/or phone detailing all my thoughts.
Most of the entries take the form of a letter. Much like the 'Letter to your love interest' thread. In some tougher cases I've actually written the letter with the purpose of showing her, but eventually I didn't. My needs were fulfilled by writing it in the first place.
I disagree with the private part. I think a thread like this would be fine too. But you have to be able to be open. Most people prefer to only open up in private situations.

So expressing yourself has two functions. It brings understanding and a way out for your thoughts. Both are very helpful for getting rest in your mind.

Absolutely! Letters, text files, poems, whatever. Anything that will allow you to feel heard, while providing you with reflective material that you can analyze later is a good choice.

Well played!

 

[Reanbell]

It took me almost two years to get over someone so I feel you. I really did this by realizing there is so much more to life than this person. Think about it, this person meant a lot to you but do you know how many OTHER people on the earth there are? MILLIONS. Chances are you will find a new and possibly better love interest. Best friend. Regular friends. Etc. And there are so many things on your life you can focus on other than how much they hurt you.

Focus on the friends you do have, make new ones. People always leave, but the real ones stay and that's what matters most. Don't take it for granted like I did, because I wasted a lot of time being sad over a single person that didn't give a single care about me. Please don't waste your time like I did. And build YOURSELF up. You are worth more than what they keep dragging you down to. You're better and you'll find better. Screw him.