How do INFJ's handle death?

[brightmoon]

In essence, I am pretty common in the fact that I look for reassurance that death is not the final parting of ways from our loved ones.

I think that whatever happens to us after death is a state beyond our comprehension and beyond anything that experience in life. I think it is likely that our ego, our essential self, dissolves in some way. Then it seems likely that who we were is reconstituted in some unknown and unknowable way, reincarnation if you will, but not directly. It seems to me that our essence is made up of many people who have existed in the past, maybe at the same time, or maybe within alternate planes of reality. Sounds more than a little flakey to me as I write it, but for something that is unknowable maybe its bound to be.

 

[writerinchief]

Well, as I see it, the moment we're born, we're ricocheting toward death. And I guess I've had my whole life to reconcile this fact (probably less than my whole life, actually, considering that seven-year-old me was simply playing with Legos and trying to create a perfect circle with all the rectangular blocks).

I have no idea where people go when they die. But they stay in my memories, and I guess that's a way of still being alive, even though it's hollow and it's probably not real. But then what is reality but a nebulous construct of our minds?

I'll also readily admit I haven't been too affected by death. I've never been to a funeral. One of the parents of my best friend committed suicide, and that's the most I've brushed with death.

EDIT: Oh lol, this was only for INFJs. I'm an INTP. Whoops.

 

[xhanako]

My process of grief starts with feeling numb. After letting the emotions sink in, which can take weeks to months, I start to spiral into despair. Eventually, the pain becomes anguish, denial, and eventually acceptance over the loss.
I find the only way to overcome the negativity is with consistent love.

 

[Sammers]

Luckily, I have not a lost a parent or immediate family member, but there have been two deaths I remember impacting me greatly. The first was my great grandmother. This was the first significant death I remember and I was 9 years or something (I don't remember that stuff, lol). At the funeral, I remember everyone around me looking sober and torn apart, while I felt nothing. At the time I thought it was because I was emotionally disconnected, but when I went up to view her body I shed a few tears (that was all). It wasn't until a while later that the loss finally registered. Even though I wasn't very close to her because she was very old and had amnesia, I could still remember the kindness and impact she had on the people around me. When I realized that I would never see her again and she wouldn't share those special things with others, I broke. Tears flowed freely and mother had to confort me. The same thing happened with my great aunt Ruby. She had been diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer several years before with on a few months left to live. Denying this expectation, I began to assume she would get past it, but she didn't. I watched her physically weaken and she rarely left the house. Unfortunately, we were only able to visit during the holidays because she didn't live close and were always busy (I wish we weren't). Ruby always had cookies and gifts for us when we came even though she didn't have much money and was always excited to see us. She was also a very dedicated Christian, which means a lot to me. When she finally passed I attended the funeral,and being closer to her, cried more (but not much). It was also the first time I had seen my dad truly cry. After the burial, I went back to her house with my grandmother to grab a few things and she told me I could have whatever I wanted to keep. The house felt empty and deserted without her there. My first thought after that realization was Rubys bible. She had so many of them it was hard to find one that she used frequently, but when we did I rejoiced and was satisfied. Picking up a few more things, I left and returned home. After a few days of normal life, I found a photo album with a picture of Ruby holding me when I was born. At that moment all of the memories flooded back and I cried by myself in the back living room for a while. When my mom came home, I locked myself in the bathroom because I didn't want to upset her, but she knew something was wrong and made me let her come in. Whe. She found me she cried with me ( she might be infp,but not sure, we argue a lot, lol). That's all I know with death personally. Although when I see families broken apart by the death of a mom or dad or child, o feel a little broken too knowing that family could be mine,and I sympathisize with them for a moment. Hope this ,are sense (I don't sometimes).

 

[Bigsmiles150]

So... I have a hard time coping with loss of any kind. Even simple things - like my parents moving from the house that I grew up in, or my grandparents getting new furniture. I hate losing touch with friends that I was once close to - just because we are no longer living close to each other anymore. I don't handle death well at all and usually feel the loss very deeply.

The weird thing is - in the moment I feel nothing. It's only some time later when the flood of emotions come rushing in to overwhelm me. Sometimes I don't even know what I feel - only that things are not right and I can't articulate exactly what or why or how or anything. It takes me time to sort through all the mix of emotions and try to compartmentalize them so I can function. I have to get out of the house and or start a project to escape and take my mind off whatever it is that weighs me down.

To quote C.S. Lewis in "The Great Divorce" - "Every state of mind, left to itself, every shutting up of the creature within the dungeon of its own mind — is, in the end, Hell. But Heaven is not a state of mind. Heaven is reality itself. All that is fully real is Heavenly.."

If you allow yourself to let go of the loss and be grateful for all that was good - the past brightens up the present some. For an interesting article on "gratitude" see: http://www.inc.com/jessica-stillman/the-amazing-way-gratitude-rewires-your-brain-for-happiness.html

I'm very much the same. I star out like I'm dealing with the problem on autopilot. "Just get A,B, C, and D done, then there'll be time for you..." I think I tend to throw myself into masking my grief as well, keeping busy helping, or getting things accomplished, so I don't have to actually deal with the grief. For me, there's usually a 3 week window before reality really hits, then I can stay in that place of pain, or revisit it repeatedly for years. My latest loss was my friend Pete. Grieving for him became complicated, by the fact that I realized I hadn't finished grieving for my dad...which was further complicated by his rejection towards his family yet acceptance to his girlfriend's family...(they all drank, we didn't). At any rate, you come to realize you haven't been coping at all, at least not in a healthy way. I've been doing Griefshare (greif support group), which has helped immensely. But yeah...the gratitude thing. That's important.

 

[invisible]

It was very strange when my aunt died a couple of years ago, I felt lost, I can't believe she's gone. It must be 3 years ago now? I want to talk to her. I feel like we were playing pool just yesterday. After time passed, I started to feel like as though she was still with me, it is a very strange feeling.

A while ago I dreamed that I saw her in my dream. I was checking that it was really her, and not a fake dream type copy of her, and I said to her "It's really you!" and she said "Yes it's really me". She was covered in golden light, like the shiny scales of a dragon and I thought that she was a dragon now. She said that I didn't have to worry about her, because she was in the right place and everything was fine, and that she was watching over me. After I had that dream it was a lot easier to deal with losing her.

I am very fearful of losing my mother, I understand it is inevitable, I just try to enjoy spending time with my mother. I will probably need to make a big change of life - go and live in another place, quit my job and become a hermit, something like that.

 

[MrSquared]

For me...

• I pray
• I help when and where I can
• I find ways to express as needed
• I usually play this song a ton
• And I try and smile in a more content way

*nod nod*

"I just do what I can. That's all I can do."

 

[Bellosome]

sigh

When my ex and dad died (the gap in between both death was 7 months apart), First week i was okay. i didn't cry at the funeral. I was emotionally stable. So strong actually, (although i didn't look at the coffin) I was just there in the Chapel and tending to my family's needs. Came second week, that's when i felt... incomplete and lost. I was very much close to my Dad, he was my go to person when i have questions about things like life, love, philosophy etc. ANYTHING. I run to my ex for comfort and assurances. then i had none. I was in different moods. Mostly angry and hateful. i went to find distractions and just overall avoided the hollow feeling that i have for years.. Took me a while to regain my real self. But it messed me up big time.

Just recently (few weeks ago) i lost my closest cousin and Aunt. i'm better. although sad and still a bit lost, i think i have managed my emotions well. it's been 2 weeks and although my thoughts are... scattered, my emotions are intact. i guess it doesn't hurt just as much if its the third and 4th time already and it may also come with maturity. I didn't know things nor aware of anything before so i didn't know how to handle it properly unlike now.

 

[MrSquared]

sigh

When my ex and dad died (the gap in between both death was 7 months apart), First week i was okay. i didn't cry at the funeral. I was emotionally stable. So strong actually, (although i didn't look at the coffin) I was just there in the Chapel and tending to my family's needs. Came second week, that's when i felt... incomplete and lost. I was very much close to my Dad, he was my go to person when i have questions about things like life, love, philosophy etc. ANYTHING. I run to my ex for comfort and assurances. then i had none. I was in different moods. Mostly angry and hateful. i went to find distractions and just overall avoided the hollow feeling that i have for years.. Took me a while to regain my real self. But it messed me up big time.

Just recently (few weeks ago) i lost my closest cousin and Aunt. i'm better. although sad and still a bit lost, i think i have managed my emotions well. it's been 2 weeks and although my thoughts are... scattered, my emotions are intact. i guess it doesn't hurt just as much if its the third and 4th time already and it may also come with maturity. I didn't know things nor aware of anything before so i didn't know how to handle it properly unlike now.

 

[Eventhorizon]

Do you think you'll ever get an answer? I mean don't infjs handle death the same way everyone else Does? Don't they die and thats...kind of It?

Sorry, dark sense of humor.
No...no I am not sorry.

 

[Billy]

You don't handle it. You learn to be less. Like a man who loses 2 legs, he doesn't handle it, he just goes on without legs.