How do you get an INFJ to share with you (ideas, knowledge and understanding)?

[littlemissmaya]

Apparently, you are eager to help but you only share with few people. That is understandable because only a few would appreciate it.
Is it enough to communicate my desire for understanding and showing inquisitive stance for them to be willing to share?

it may take several conversations, maybe a bribe or two in coffee or other hot beverages, and good company to really get to infj's head. there may be layers you need to peel away before you are trusted enough to be privy to the deepest thoughts, knowledge and feeling. i need to understand.. out of curiosity.. what is your motive with this question?

 

[the]

How do you manipulate someone so that they do what you want? Good question, I think it is just like anyone else: establish trust, create a desire in them, make them want to act on that desire.

 

[Deleted member 10171]

Do you sometimes fail to recognize very authentic and trustworthy people to the point where you leave them no normal means to show you otherwise?

I’m happy to admit that I don’t always get it right. Authenticity and trust rarely transpires instantaneously (when it does happen at a first meeting —it’s an amazing feeling!) but generally takes place over a period of time and often with regular contact. Most of the time it’s not about failure to pick up on covert signals but factors outside of my control ie other variables that will temporarily hinder a rapport and consequently not allow for sharing to occur.

I have a great example but too long to go into….so will be brief. An ex-boss and I worked very well together but it was always in a professional setting (the environment, hierarchy etc - even in an informal setting did not allow us to be anything but working colleagues — I tried but I always got the sense that she found it difficult to step out of the role that she was in — so a lost opportunity). However when we both left the organisation, she initiated contacted and chose to remain in contact with me. Over a period of a year, I began to notice a change in her (she was making the effort to allow me to see who she really was) and consequently our professional relationship developed into what is now a great friendship.

Often in my case, I’m always eager to share but for whatever reason…it’s thwarted. Hope that helps.

i need to understand.. out of curiosity.. what is your motive with this question?

I was going to ask the same question!! :tongue1:

 

[Solongo]

As an infj i do not open up completely until i trust the person. if i don't trust the person in any capacity or have qualms about their character and their intentions; then the 6foot wall will go up.

Also, rejection and sensitivity plays a huge role in infjs opening up. You must be sensitive and caring in your approach and inquiry. Infj sensitivity to being misunderstood is high; so the inquiry must be humane and down to earth with no pretentiousness. The last thing an infj enjoys is being prodded to open up just to defend themselves in any capacity, a big no no.

 

[RRiveter]

As an infj i do not open up completely until i trust the person. if i don't trust the person in any capacity or have qualms about their character and their intentions; then the 6foot wall will go up.

Also, rejection and sensitivity plays a huge role in infjs opening up. You must be sensitive and caring in your approach and inquiry. Infj sensitivity to being misunderstood is high; so the inquiry must be humane and down to earth with no pretentiousness. The last thing an infj enjoys is being prodded to open up just to defend themselves in any capacity, a big no no.

My previous response to this thread was simply to ask us without a crappy ego, basically, but I've thought about it since then and I think [MENTION=884]solongotgon[/MENTION] sums me up nicely.

I realized that I rarely show my true self to people. Its probably a self-preservation thing, but I would like to try and be more open.

Strangely, I can over share about certain personal things and I will open up to anyone about those. Like, I can tell a complete stranger about my sex life, but I keep lots of other things hidden. I'm not sure why I keep so much hidden. I'll have to think on that..

 

[Yva]

Well, this is something I'm a little confused about. I don't doubt that I am an INFJ, since every test I take prove it (even when I think I wouldn't get the same result), but I don't really know if I'm that selective about giving my trust or information to certain people. Sometimes I even think that I might bring too much information to everyother person I meet. Why is that?
Okej, there are certain topics I'm not willing to share with anyone, but isn't that part of being human?
I somewhat feel that the only reason for me NOT telling a specifik thought is that the person at hand wouldn't be interested or not able to understand it. It's not really about trust, I feel.

But I could be wrong! Perhaps there is a part of me not willing to share with everyone... I have just misunderstood or not found it yet.

I'm having the same problem. Once I tell someone about myself I feel like I'm an idiot for letting myself become vulnerable to someone I haven't even had a deep connection with or even worse they don't understand. As a result, I feel as if I betrayed my own thoughts and push myself away from everybody, not physically but mentally. I'm now recovering from a deep depression (or so I feel) and major embarrassment that lasted for two weeks. Which is caused me to procrastinate in almost everything I do.

For you personally, have it ever affected how you felt about yourself?

 

[Oscillation]

For you personally, have it ever affected how you felt about yourself?

Of course! I always get fed up with myself in those cases and moments, telling me "why don't you stop talking?! Shut it!", but later on I realize it's only a brief moment of thought. It hasn't effected me on a broader aspect, not that I'm awere of any way.