I think you are answering your own help thread. Often when we feel conflicted about something, it is because we know what we really should be doing and we are not acting in accordance to our morals and values. Either we have to change our morals and values to match our behavior or we have to acknowledge that we are not following our own ideas and change our behavior.
You do not want to be helping this lady. You feel guilty about setting boundaries with her, for whatever reason you feel like you need to help her despite the negative toll it is having on you. You highlight her codependency, but that is behavior you are mirroring back to her.
I think the reason you are drawn to helping this lady and so distressed by her at the same time is that you see your own behavior in her actions and you are using her as a distraction from yourself. The reality is that you have no obligation to help her and you're stressing yourself out over this for no reason. If she wants your help, she will respect your boundaries. If she won't respect your boundaries eventually you will have less and less contact with her and she will lose what little of a relationship she has, like has happened in the past. You may feel like you are having empathy for her by dealing with her despite her issues, and we ALL have issues, but clearly she is not learning certain social rules and you are in some sense enabling her by continuing your relationship at the behest of yourself. If she is a danger to herself you can send a report to social services but honestly, at this point, listen to yourself and respect yourself. Stop guilting yourself for communicating your needs in a relationship and feeling hurt when you aren't getting them met. You are not being paid to take care of her, if this was a professional situation yes it doesn't matter if the relationship is mutually beneficial because you have a financial incentive. That's not the case here.
Really. Listen to yourself. You're the one saying all of this, not me. It's scattered in your post.
