How do you want people to care about you?

K

knight in battle

Well-known member
MBTI
INFJ
How do you want people to care about you? or show empathy towards you?

How do you prefer to care about (or show empathy towards) others?
 
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How many kinds of empathy are there?
 
Is empathy what you crazy kids are calling sex these days?

:m096: *laughs*
 
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Well, in that case I would do my best to infer based on prior knowledge of the potential empathy recipient what kind of response they would prefer and respond accordingly.

As far as what I prefer? I prefer to be left alone, unless I directly ask for otherwise. I don't at all mind being asked if I would like to talk about something, but if I say no I expect that to be respected and not pushed just because someone can't control their curiosity. When I am at the place I feel the need to talk to someone about something or be comforted by others, I have no problem approaching who I deem "safe" to share my feelings with and do so. So basically, the kind of empathy I want is respect. I want my boundaries to be respected, and I don't want to be "made" to feel guilty if I don't happen to feel like sharing why I feel how I do with you. If I don't, I don't, and I am not going to fake it for your benefit when I am the one who is emotionally distraught to begin with. I can't stand it when people try to make it about them in situations like that as if it were other peoples duty to respond to them just the way they want when they want it.

...And this is why I hate it when I accidentally cry/otherwise emote in an obvious way in front of people. Because then (for the majority anyway) they just "have" to know why. And I get seen as a jerk if I just flat out don't want to talk about it at that point, as if I should have just concealed my emotion for their benefit.
 
In both instances, I prefer to do what I want. I think most people operate on the same principle.

In acutality, I do what I can and they do what they can and somehow we try and get it right for each other. If we fail? Hopefully we can see the actions as the expression of love that they are. If we succeed? Magic.
 
wait, aren't you thinking about sympathy?

isn't empathy understanding others, while sympathy is to show compassion?
 
Endersgone said:
I'm kind of wondering the same, enlighten us knight.
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Whatever empathy means to you.
Or read above for ideas. :)

Elis said:
wait, aren't you thinking about sympathy?

isn't empathy understanding others, while sympathy is to show compassion?
Click to expand...

Hmm. Then, one way to ask the question to you might be: How do you prefer to show that you understand others? or how to you prefer to show compassion when someone is hurting or has a problem?

When in doubt, share based on what empathy means to you. :)
 
Stormy1 said:
In both instances, I prefer to do what I want. I think most people operate on the same principle.

In acutality, I do what I can and they do what they can and somehow we try and get it right for each other. If we fail? Hopefully we can see the actions as the expression of love that they are. If we succeed? Magic.
Click to expand...

Sounds like this is how relationships often work: trial and error. :)
 
knight in battle said:
How do you want people to care about you? or show empathy towards you?
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By listening and being non-judgmental.

How do you prefer to care about (or show empathy towards) others?
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By listening and being non-judgmental and by building bridges over a sea of obvious differences to find at least one thing that is good or worthy or attractive.

"Despite everything, I believe that people are really good at heart."
-Anne Frank
 
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knight in battle said:
How do you want people to care about you? or show empathy towards you?

How do you prefer to care about (or show empathy towards) others?
Click to expand...

Respect and objective, open, honesty. If you must judge, judge not my character, judge my actions. Call me dumb and it will probably be received with anger. Call my actions dumb, and it will probably be received with acceptance, and maybe laughter. But tell it truly as you see it and not as you or others think it should be. I would like someone to be able to empathize, but it must be genuinely felt. Else-wise, it will feel patronizing, even if your intentions are good. In such case, I'd rather you just talk or let me talk as if any other conversation. I dis-like being hugged except by a woman I'm dating. And when I reveal my true self and true feelings to such a woman, should I weep, hold me close and judge me not as a weak man. If you must judge, judge the strength I've shown in revealing my true self and feelings. It is easy to hold back a tear, for fear of ridicule; it takes great strength to let it loose in spite of that fear.

I try to treat others as I wish to be treated. Sometimes I don't though.
 
i don't really want people all over me with concern when things are messy. showing me you care means letting me know you're quietly waiting in the sidelines in case i call on you.
otherwise, 'it's' not up for discussion.

there have been a couple people in my life that managed to override that barrier by possessing the ability to reach that part of me that knows i'm full of shit/avoiding/needing love/needing a connection.
sometimes i forget to reach in there myself.

as for caring or showing empathy to others, i am sort of a magnet where people with problems are concerned.
if i feel moved or compelled to do or say something then i simply do, in a very straightforward manner. i do not gush or sympathize (for sympathy and empathy are not the same thing)
i will then gauge how the person responds, and take it from there.
i will either withdraw or try to be helpful in whatever capacity i can.
there are some things i will not be involved with no matter how much i love the person. one biggie is domestic crap. work it out or get the hell out. what is your hold-up??
 
i imagine myself as the other person --- i temporarily leave myself (suspend my own thoughts, feelings, judgments, desires, wants, needs) and i try to imagine what it would be like to someone else. and then comes the understanding.

and i listen. sometimes nothing more. i am here with you and i am listening.

other times i carefully collect all the bits and pieces, and when the moment is right (if it's ever right) i speak with them. not as 'expert', as friend.
 
I like to give and receive empathy from a distance, if that makes any sense. A sudden over-load of emotional intimacy makes me feel uncomfortable and disoriented. :m162:
 
I do not care if someone cares about me.

To be honest I do not trust people that much so that I should care if they care about me, if we exclude the people who are the closest to me.
On the other hand I do care about the people who I feel the closest to me and somehow I do care about the people whom I like, for some unknown reason.
 
i'd like to learn how to let people help me. i'm not afraid to say i can be weak --- sometimes i feel very vulnerable.

but i am afraid what someone might do with it (are you going to drop me, please don't drop me).
 
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