How do you want people to care about you?

knight in battle said:
How do you want people to care about you? or show empathy towards you?

How do you prefer to care about (or show empathy towards) others?
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I care for people by being honest, kind, trustworthy and loyal. I put a lot into relationships so the ones I have I usually have for life. I have very few acquaintances or surface type relationships.

I empathize with people by putting myself in their shoes and imagining how they must feel, and just being there for them in whatever way I can.

I expect honesty, kindness, trustworthiness and loyalty from the people close to me. As far as empathy goes, someone willing to be there for me in whatever way they can. So, I guess I want what I give.
 
I prefer for people to care about me in ways that don't burden them, or me (in other words, I don't want people to go ridiculously out of their way... especially if they intend on guilt tripping me about it later). I honestly don't even care if people are effective at all in trying to care about me. Knowing that they wanted to try at all without expecting something in return is really enough.

I don't understand the concept of having a preference about a way of caring for others. Perhaps you meant something more along the lines of tendencies or what tends to come naturally?

I'm not sure if I'm on the right track here. To me, caring isn't caring unless it results in a person wanting to take action, so for me, caring manifests in actions (up to the person's ability, of course...sometimes peoples involvement in the lives of those they care about is restricted). Caring isn't empathy. You don't need to fully understand someone to care about them, and being able to empathize with someone doesn't mean you care about them. Those two things are unrelated.

Edit: lol I realized all I did was blabber and not really answer your questions.

I like it when people show that they'll be around, and show that they've been keeping an eye out for me. I like being comforted through thoughtful words and touch. Sharing any relevant helpful experience is much appreciated as well. I like it when people take my best interests into consideration and work with it... i.e., if I have a big test the next day, don't push me to go out for late night ice cream with you to cheer me up; give me some words for motivation and tell me we'll hang out soon and that I should study hard and sleep early instead. Try to be aware of what I'm passionate about and don't encourage me to follow ideals of your own which I've given no indication of believing in, or don't try to discourage me from my passions.
Be honest and give me reasoning, but stay aware of the subjectivity of your own perceptions.

When it comes to showing empathy for others, I am naturally nonjudgmental because there are no morals that I give a shit about just for the sake of the morals themselves (ok, well if I have deduced that someone is an ass then I'd hide it until later). I'll try to sniff out what other people would prefer or need from me, and provide that. When it comes to people I really care about, I'll do absolutely anything to make them happy.
 
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niffer said:
I don't understand the concept of having a preference about a way of caring for others. Perhaps you meant something more along the lines of tendencies or what tends to come naturally?
Click to expand...

That is a good follow-up question. How do you prefer to care about people? (I think you may have already answered that, too, but you may have more to add.)
 
How do you want people to care about you? or show empathy towards you?
- Letting me be able to talk or express my feelings without pity. Allowing me to speak and get my thoughts out, and having the chance to be completely honest with them without having to hold back. And letting me have that moment to share without thinking that some problem must be solved or that you're asking anything of them except to listen. Having their attention and understanding. Being there when I need someone to talk. Allowing me to feel as if I can sit and be quiet with someone. Not having someone treat how I'm feeling as too "emotional or heavy" especially since I would do the same in being there for them.


How do you prefer to care about (or show empathy towards) others?
- Listening, allowing them to have the spotlight, to have their voice and feelings heard and understood. Taking their side on an issue. Allowing them to feel that their feelings or thoughts are valued or valid. Shutting up and letting them speak without interrupting them. Giving them advice if I know them well enough. Presenting them with a different perspective or option on their situation, one they've not considered. Just being there for them, when they want to vent or talk. Letting their feelings matter more than mine in that moment.
 
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I don't want people to care about me. I am sure this is something they've never thought of, but people who are overly empathetic and compassionate are actually overbearing. It's quite invasive when someone's trying to connect with you so hard and reach out to you and analyze you and read you and whatnot. Stop.



All I require from strangers is Respect. That being said, I want care to be shown in two ways by my loved ones:


- let me be (90% of the time).
- be there when I need you (10% of the time).




Anymore than that and I suffocate.
 
Interesting topic!

I'll answer the second question first.
I want to know people care about me on a day to day basis, and I want to know people care about me in exceptional or more trying circumstances. To be honest I'm really quite selfish. While I can appreciate the effort people may expand to try to care about me, I really want them to do it in a way that feels meaningful to me. I indulge my emotions in that way, I guess...
I really appreciate having others present, checking in, and simply being a part of my life. Then there is being willing and able to listen and understand what I am communicating or why I may be feeling what I feel. I can explain the whys for them, if it's not evident to them, but I need them to be on the same wavelength as I (whatever that really means) and able to really grasp what I'm saying. I also appreciate people who are positive, solution-focused, and strength-oriented. If I'm in dodo, I want someone who can be a soft spot if I need to rest, but I also want someone who can do more than give me reason to believe I should feel hopeless and helpless.

I suppose I care for others in some of the ways in which I would appreciate being cared for. I make sure I am present. I listen. I check in. I try to be friendly and express caring on a regular basis so if shit hits the fan they know without a doubt I will be there. I try to listen for what the person is saying and what they may need, I try to keep an open-mind, and I try to consider the story from the other party's perspective. I also strive to check my own biases at the door. In general, I tend to be someone who likes to remind others of their strengths, and while the words I most frequently express are oftentimes "I understand", and while I'm inclined to let someone vent or spill their guts because I believe in the value of that, I expect on some level that they will eventually want to pick themselves up or will ask for help in doing so. I don't mind helping someone learn how to do something they don't know how to do, but I don't welcome/appreciate complaining or victimization. It's tiring and there are better things to do with our time. I definitely have my flaws when it comes to caregiving and caretaking. I can be impatient and obstinate, and in some ways too rational rather than feeling oriented, but I have some strengths as well and I think I express them pretty well on a day to day basis.
 
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