How does an INFJ show interest?

1. How would you try to catch the eye of another person?
"You won't know."

*sigh* I never make the first move and especially don't flirt (the thought of me doing that is embarrassingly crass!), but I'll listen intently to what they're saying and try my best to respond.
I can only hope they'll pick up on the pattern (body language; overall engaged impression) that every time they talk to me I am enjoying their company, even though I communicate that through very subtle mannerisms. I wouldn't want them to know I like them, just that I find them interesting and would like to interact with them more.
If I like someone I usually want them to feel affirmed around me, like tereza said, by asking "remember that time whens" or "what's your position on x now?" If I were proactive in approach I would do that, but I'm not so....
The more people around, the less I am able to convey my interest.

4. Would you ever ask somebody out before they had demonstrated distinct interest in you?
I wouldn't dare hint or mention it unless I was 100% sure they were interested.

5. Do you take risks in relationships?
Never been in one, that says it all.

13. What do you do that you consider a "dead give-away" that you like somebody?
Obsessive thoughts. I'll post my real feelings in an "unseen messages" forum thread haha.
 
Well I don't have much experience in this area. I have had one girl I was deeply interested in. We worked together and naturally I had a tendency to look at her and especially lock eyes with her (usually when just passing by) this led to her coming by my designated work area. Really though she initiated everything right down to asking me if I was interested in her to which I replied Yes and received a number. Anyway it didn't end well at all and I don't want to get into it. But I think our problem from beginning to end was our types, not sure what she would classify as but its my complete opposite she was very outgoing
 
Answers


1. How would you try to catch the eye of another person? I am huge into eye contact. Just catch it. Stare them down. After a couple of glasses of wine that is...just in case they reject you, it’s easier to take!

2. How would you respond if they tried to catch your eye? Probably smile and then look away shyly, depending on my level of interest.

3. Is there ever such a thing as too much interest shown by the other party? Well, that depends on HOW they are showing interest. If it’s tactful, diplomatic interest that shows respect and not just “yo yo baby whasup...wanna come back to my place..then I can handle a strong come on. That is, of course, assuming that the chemistry is there.

4. Would you ever ask somebody out before they had demonstrated distinct interest in you? NO...I would NEVER risk rejection...EVER!!!

5. Do you take risks in relationships? Yes, I wear my heart on my sleeve. I take risks all the time, until I am hurt one too many times and then “SLAM”- the door slams...for good.

6. Once you have made contact, do you try to define the dating relationship? Or do you go with the flow? Relationship MUST be defined..I think all J’s are like that. I lose sleep (and weight from stress) if it’s not

7. What is your opinion on the existence of "love at first sight"? Cerebral chemistry...mostly INTJ’s and I have experienced love at first sight...and then they later prioritize their work over me, and, well...that doesn’t go over very well.

8. What is your opinion on gestures of physical affection when in a relationship? Kissing (he has to touch my face or have his hands in my hair when we kiss or it doesn’t send the same shivers down the spine)...hand holding...a guy who walks on the traffic side of the sidewalk, stuff like that.

9. On a first date, how do you usually act? Very normal. Dates don’t make me nervous at all.

10. Would you ask your date out again? No- his move

11. How would you like to be approached by an interested person? I’m an INFJ- talk to me! Woo me with your impressive vocabulary! Pontificate if you must!

12. How long does it take for you to decide to date exclusively? I am a serial monogamist...aren’t we all. I know after the first or second date.

13. What do you do that you consider a "dead give-away" that you like somebody? I sleep with themJ

And ... for those in current relationships:

14. How do you keep the relationship going? Never take the other person for granted or assume that they will be there tomorrow. Show them that they are appreciated everyday in little and big ways. Have sex all the time. Cuddle.

15. What challenges do you face in expressing your love? Time, stress

16. What signals should a confused partner look for in order to be assured of continued interest? When I am unhappy about something, I will talk about it. If it goes ignored...I won’t address it again. I may stay in the relationship, but I have already started surveying inner kingdoms for other options. When INFJ’s talk, listen. Don’t invalidate our issues. Ever. We will build walls slowly and then one day, we’ll slam the door. What should partner’s do? Talk to us about our fears and our ideas. Love us unconditionally. Keep the criticism to a minimum and never judge us. Trust me, what they will get in return will be tenfold.
 
Dutchie said:
13. What do you do that you consider a "dead give-away" that you like somebody? I sleep with them
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Well that one's hard one for even an oblivious INTJ to miss :ml:
 
lol this is an interesting topic..

1. How would you try to catch the eye of another person?
Look at them to see if they are looking back, if they're not, then I'd just quickly look away

2. How would you respond if they tried to catch your eye?
Definitely stare back, but like most other INFJ's I'd turn away when it starts getting awkward. However, I usually turn away and start grinning which makes it pretty obvious that I like them (for people that I'm not interested in, I'd stare, turn away and have a disgusted look on my face)

3. Is there ever such a thing as too much interest shown by the other party?

Yes, we can sense desperate people and this is a major turn off

4. Would you ever ask somebody out before they had demonstrated distinct interest in you?
No, I'd definitely need to know that they are interested in me before I ask them out

5. Do you take risks in relationships?
Not many

6. Once you have made contact, do you try to define the dating relationship? Or do you go with the flow?

A bit of both

7. What is your opinion on the existence of "love at first sight"?

I didn't believe in it until I met my current boyfriend

8. What is your opinion on gestures of physical affection when in a relationship?

Definitely into it, especially hugging

9. On a first date, how do you usually act?
I'd be myself, I'm not usually interested in guys that I feel uncomfortable around

 10. Would you ask your date out again?

Yes, if the first date was enjoyable

11. How would you like to be approached by an interested person?

They'd need to let me know in a subtle and romantic way, for example, telling me that they've been thinking a lot about me recently
12. How long does it take for you to decide to date exclusively?

Not long at all, I'd only be interested in someone if I saw a future with them

13. What do you do that you consider a "dead give-away" that you like somebody?
Definitely the staring, and the bullying lol (teasing, or poking at them).

And ... for those in current relationships:

14. How do you keep the relationship going?

Definitely communicating your issues with your partner, it tends to get worse when you just bottle it all up inside. If you let them know what is bothering you, they can respond and change the way they behave


15. What challenges do you face in expressing your love?
Not many, my interest would definitely know that I loved them but I guess I need to learn how to not be so selfish and concerned about my feelings all the time. It's also about catering to how they feel and think.

16. What signals should a confused partner look for in order to be assured of continued interest?
The staring, if I'm not gazing into their eyes from time to time its a dead give away that I've lost interest
 
1. How would you try to catch the eye of another person?
I wouldn't normally try to catch someone's eye unless I was talking to them. But if I did, I would to give a slight smile with warm eyes.

2. How would you respond if they tried to catch your eye?
Look back with a slight smile and warm eyes :smile:.

3. Is there ever such a thing as too much interest shown by the other party?
Not at all! My policy is this; If you like me, tell me! One of the biggest turn-ons that I can think of is a girl telling me (or making it obviously apparant) she likes me. No need to play hard to get with me :becky:.

4. Would you ever ask somebody out before they had demonstrated distinct
interest in you?
Kinda-sorta. I would definitely ask to get to know them better, and to IM with them or something, but I wouldn't ask for an offical "date".

5. Do you take risks in relationships?
It depends on what you mean by "risk". If you mean risk by dating someone who I don't think I could ever marry, then HELL NO! I'm nearly incapable of dating casually :ohwell:. Of course, I will almost always talk about my concerns, just in case they're unfounded lol.

6. Once you have made contact, do you try to define the dating relationship?
Or do you go with the flow?
Yes and no. I try to define the relationship as "serious" asap. But I define serious as any relationship where a long-term partnership is the goal. When it comes to things like sex, I'm pretty flexible. But emotional intimacy is a must.

7. What is your opinion on the existence of "love at first sight"?
I think it's absolutely possible. I've had experiences very close to true "love" at first sight before.

8. What is your opinion on gestures of physical affection when in a
relationship?
The more the better :becky:. That is, as long as an emotional connection is there. But if you're in a relationship with me, be prepared for lots of hugs & cuddling.

9. On a first date, how do you usually act?
Basically, my #1 goal is to get to your heart. I'm going to try to get to know you really, really well. But since I'm not a traditional dater in any sense of the word, it won't be a typical date. It'll be personally focused, instead of activity focused. Fe ftw :D. As far as my behavior though, I'm going to act pretty similarly to when we first started talking.

10. Would you ask your date out again?
If I want to date you once, I'll almost always want to date you again. Because if I'm dating you, it means I want to be your long-term boyfriend :smile:.

11. How would you like to be approached by an interested person?
I guess it really depends on the setting. And to be honest, I haven't really thought about that one :ohwell:. Because my hobbies are unusual (martial arts, philosophy/spirituality, etc), I'm by default hard to approach. The best answer I can give is come up to me with a question that would lead into conversation. Honestly, I don't even care if you make it up lol. In fact, if it's obvious that you made it up just to talk to me, I'll catch on that you want to talk to me, and help the conversation go along :smile:.

12. How long does it take for you to decide to date exclusively?
Probably 1-4 days. Once you pass my "are you weird enough" screening test (lol), my radar pretty much fixates on you. You'll never complain about not getting enough of my attention lol.

13. What do you do that you consider a "dead give-away" that you like
somebody?
I'll want to talk to you, a lot. But more specifically, I'll use my Ni-Fe to try and "taste your brain". If after licking your brain I think we're compatible, I'll try to make common bridges between us, and eventually try and get closer.

And ... for those in current relationships: Feh, I'm answering this even though I'm single lol.

14. How do you keep the relationship going?
My INFJness takes care of that :becky:. I talk with you a lot, give lots (LOTS!) of affection, make sure you're feeling okay, etc etc.

15. What challenges do you face in expressing your love?
Holding myself back in the beginning of a relationship. I'm uber-fast paced when it comes to mental/emotional intimacy (but somewhat slower than normal when it comes to sexual intimacy lol). So, I have to be careful how strongly I come on once I decide I really like a person.

16. What signals should a confused partner look for in order to be assured of
continued interest?
How open I am with you. If at the end of the day I'm willing to lay down with you and talk about our deepest secrets, you know I still love you.

Yep, I'm satisfyed with that :becky: lol. *Sign of relief*. Now that I've posted on a lot of the "quizes" on this site, I'll start making threads of my own :D. Be prepared for lots of reading :mD:.
 
Dash, you cheated you looked at my exam paper:mpaddy:
I couldn't say it any better! I think you answered the questions the way I would have so I'll save space, point below and say ditto.
 
1. How would you try to catch the eye of another person?
I've learned a few tricks here :D If I'm trying to catch a person's eye in a lighthearted setting, I'll simply show interest; listen and lean in a bit when they talk, attempt to be warm and open, etc. If it's in a seductive setting (i.e. club ;) I know I don't go anywhere, but it's fun to play on the wild side a little), there's a easy little trick that works fairly well; catch their eye, send a little smile (smirk) with "mysterious" eyes, and then look away (not quickly; calmly). It's small, but it screams invitation ;)

2. How would you respond if they tried to catch your eye?
That's where I have problems; it depends on how attractive I find them, I guess. If I'm not interested, I'll simply act as if I don't notice anything. Some people think I'm oblivious; I'm not. A lot of times, a friendship will not move past a friendship if there is obviously no intention beyond that.
If I do find them attractive, I flirt back, although a lot of times it is kind of clumsy lol

3. Is there ever such a thing as too much interest shown by the other party?
Yes.

4. Would you ever ask somebody out before they had demonstrated distinct interest in you?
Nope.

5. Do you take risks in relationships?
Not especially. I take risks in making people interested with me; I flirt a little too much for my own good, sometimes, but it's all in good fun.
Of course, if it's a serious relationship, I would probably be more or less willing depending on what my partner wanted; he's the lead, and most of the time I'll follow (although I have clear boundaries).

6. Once you have made contact, do you try to define the dating relationship? Or do you go with the flow?
Nope. I don't like the commitment straight away. I like it to start light and get heavier as necessary.

7. What is your opinion on the existence of "love at first sight"?
Sure. I don't think that'll happen to me, though, because I'm way too reserved from true relationships for that.

8. What is your opinion on gestures of physical affection when in a relationship?
I like affection. I like cuddling. I like the strength in a man's arms ;)
I don't like fondling. I don't like overly sexual connotations. I'm nervous when it feels like he's just looking to "get some."

9. On a first date, how do you usually act?
I don't date unless I'm fairly comfortable with the person, usually. If I didn't know him, it'd probably be extremely awkward :B

10. Would you ask your date out again?
NO.
J/k, it would depend on how everything went, and he'd probably have to be the one to ask because I'm always nervous about how the other person thinks of me ("What if he doesn't want to go out again; he'll just think I'm being pushy/ clingy...")

11. How would you like to be approached by an interested person?
Charisma goes a long way ;) I like someone who is confident and entertaining. Some girls think charming guys are always bad news; I like the playfulness and freedom behind it. If I think he's not being honest with me, I'll know and I'll get rid of him

12. How long does it take for you to decide to date exclusively?
Too long according to most of the guys that have taken an interest.

13. What do you do that you consider a "dead give-away" that you like somebody?
I'll want to talk to people I'm interested in. I'll usually gravitate or want to gravitate towards them. I might be nervous, and I might try a little too hard, but that depends on whether or not I have to be a deciding factor in the conversation.
It's not really that obvious, though. It's rare for me to be that interested in a guy, I guess :/


And ... for those in current relationships (I'm going to answer these too anyways):

14. How do you keep the relationship going?
I show interest. Once it's going, and once you have me, it's done. I'll do whatever I can to make it with you; I hate letting people down. But there also has to be open, sincere, and honest communication from both sides; I need to know that I'm doing things right because it's too easy for me to get insecure.

15. What challenges do you face in expressing your love?
I'm sometimes afraid that I'm being too clingy or that I'm going too far; I want to make sure I'm not doing anything wrong. I can withhold sometimes because of that.

16. What signals should a confused partner look for in order to be assured of continued interest?
If I'm willingly walking up to you and either hugging, leaning on, or holding your hand, you're basically pretty close to me. I have this distinct notion that I shouldn't invade people's space, but when I'm really comfortable with someone I know it's not a problem to. I might be crabby sometimes, I might be moody, I might bitch at you and be a little cynical or a little dark. That means I'm comfortable with my more negative aspects around you; it doesn't mean I don't like you :B (that makes everyone want to be close to me, huh?)
And if you look me in the eye and ask, straight forward, serious, and sincere, whether or not you mean the world to me, I will respond whole-heartedly that I really care for you. That's an absolute sign that I do; if I didn't, I'd beat around the bush a lot. :B
 
BlackKnightKisses said:
Dash, you cheated you looked at my exam paper:mpaddy:
I couldn't say it any better! I think you answered the questions the way I would have so I'll save space, point below and say ditto.
Click to expand...

Great minds think alike, eh?

Lurker said:
Love that answer :smile:
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It's both a blessing and a curse. I'm sure you know how many girls would run in horror at the idea of being emotionally connected like that :ohwell:. Oh well though, when I find the right one, it'll be well worth the challenge :peace:.
 
Hmmm...complicated. It depends on the guy. I worry a lot about people thinking I'm too clingy or people thinking I'm a slut but I think I tend to "act" when I'm with men. I usually approach them and I don't like any vagueness about it so I'll make my intentions known. Usually by starting off by saying "hi, I'm not very good at this". Both true and revealing. I'm ok if they reject me straight away but if I go out on a few dates with them and then they disappear then I really worry about what I've done wrong.

I'm rubbish at flirting so I usually go for the physical. I'll talk to them normally then at the appropriate moment I'll just kiss them. I'm crap at sharing myself emotionally so usually go for overt physical which isn't good because I'm not so brilliant with the whole empty transient sex thing. I end up doing it (because I'm 22 and a little too controlled by my libido) and my friends will think it's great, but subject to the "nice-girls-don't-do-that" philosophy instilled within me I will feel absolutely awful for the next few days. I don't usually sleep with someone straight away (althought I have sometimes made this mistake) and try to get some dates out of them first. The trouble is that if I'm attracted to them all I want is to have sex with them so it's a matter of slapping myself on the wrist. After a few dates (providing they have shown interest) I'll sleep with them believing the risk of them leaving has been reduced. However men are determined animals and this is not always true.

As for what I'm like in a relationship, I like a good balance between clingy and aloof. I don't want someone calling me every day and I probably only want to see them once a week (because otherwise I wouldn't have enough time to see my friends). But during the week I would expect a couple of texts or something to let me know they're thinking about me. Anyone who tells me they love me before at least three months in the relationship will have me running away scared. I don't believe in love at first sight. Before you're in a proper relationship and don't know each other well it's just lust (which to be fair can occasionally feel like love). I don't like short-term relationships and although I try to relax and go with the flow I'm pretty worried about the whole thing all the time. I want to undertand exactly how I feel (because I don't want to lead them on and then have to let them down) and I want to know exactly how they feel (because I don't want to be used). This doesn't really mean I ask questions. I just think about it a lot and watch them closely.

What I'm looking for primarily (and what I fantasise about) is the perfect man. I'm not competetive about the notches on my bedpost (and usually worry there's too many) and want to find the "one" and settle down. I don't want to get married or have children for another decade yet but I want to be in a stable relationship with someone I can imagine doing that with eventually. The fun in relationships for me is the knowing each other really well and being in love bit. Not the conquest bit. Not the worrying start of the relationship bit!

As a single woman I'm useless because my libido goes wild and I just end up making mistakes. As a hooked-up woman I'm usually pretty easy to get along with. I'm not jealous, have an extremely long fuse and I tend to think of their life as their life. They can do what they want so long as it's not affecting me. If it does affect me though. They get to know about it. And because I'm not usually pissed off they tend to take me seriously when I am. I don't like anyone telling me what to do like "quit smoking" or "apply for that job". My life is my life and has nothing to do with them unless we're living together/sharing expenses and then they've got a point.

Here's hoping that was the INFJ answer! I'm a pretty marginal INFJ!
 
justeccentricnotinsane said:
Oh my God! That was the longest post in the world! I do apologise. I get carried away :-/
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Psst, don't apologise ;) write as much as you want, those with the attention span/interest will read.

I relate to this quite a bit;

What I'm looking for primarily (and what I fantasise about) is the perfect man. I want to find the "one" and settle down. I don't want to get married or have children for another decade yet but I want to be in a stable relationship with someone I can imagine doing that with eventually. The fun in relationships for me is the knowing each other really well and being in love bit. Not the conquest bit. Not the worrying start of the relationship bit!
Click to expand...

Actually your post sounded more INT than INF to me.
 
Yeah I'm not entirely sure if I'm an INFJ. But I don't entirely relate to INTJ either. From the tests I've done I seem to be definitely IN but then kind of F/T J/P. I kind quite decide. Most tests say INFJ, others say INFP and a couple have said INTJ. Who knows! Perhaps I'm unique :-D

Guess I'm pretty logical most of the time though...that's kind of a T thing right???
 
Nope NFs do logic well, it's the disconnecting and perspective on emotional stuff that seems rather NT to me. Have you ever done a cognitive processes test? Could be interesting.
 
justeccentricnotinsane said:
I'm rubbish at flirting so I usually go for the physical. I'll talk to them normally then at the appropriate moment I'll just kiss them. I'm crap at sharing myself emotionally so usually go for overt physical
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Why helloooo....
justeccentricnotinsane said:
Anyone who tells me they love me before at least three months in the relationship will have me running away scared. I don't believe in love at first sight.
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But love is so easy to fall into. Once you understand the other persons perspectives and feel that there's an agreeable match to your own and are attracted to them then love is almost inevitable.
 
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Read somewhere you haven't had any for two years SG...starting to understand you...:-p

Did that cognitive processes thing and it told me I was either INFJ or INFP but that my most commonly used processes were Ni, Ne and Ti. Well confused.

SG needs some lovin'.
 
Moved off topic here

*shakes fist*
 
I tend to be pretty avoidant. I never asked a guy out. If I liked someone I pretty much avoided them and would never reveal my interest in them. I have ended up dating guys who found introverted girls charming and who took initiative in getting to know me. My current boyfriend is Chinese so I do not think the introversion is as much of an issue, as introversion is more accepted in Chinese culture.

Once I get close to a guy and I know they are a good and trustworthy person, I have no problems being open about my feelings and being affectionate. More often it is easier for me to write how I feel than to say it, but I've gotten better at speaking my thoughts. It is too hard to run through life with a pad and paper.
 
1. How would you try to catch the eye of another person?
It usually just happens. You know what I hate? When you're looking in a particular direction, then you focus again only to notice someone else looking in your direction also. You then spend an awkward moment trying to figure out if the person is looking AT you or THROUGH though, and in the end, so as to not appear rude or anything you give a little half smile and look the other way. Anyway.
I digress.

2. How would you respond if they tried to catch your eye?
Generally, I smile. Smile, then look away. Doesn't matter if I'm interested in you or not, that's what I do. Oh, and sometimes I blush too. haha.

3. Is there ever such a thing as too much interest shown by the other party?
YES. Especially when you hardly know the guy!!

4. Would you ever ask somebody out before they had demonstrated distinct interest in you?
Nope cannot see myself doing that.

5. Do you take risks in relationships?
Nah not really.

6. Once you have made contact, do you try to define the dating relationship? Or do you go with the flow?
Go with the flooow

7. What is your opinion on the existence of "love at first sight"?
I think it happens. I'd like for it to happen to me.

8. What is your opinion on gestures of physical affection when in a relationship?
I'm a weird one. I like physical affection, but at the same time, hate it. I guess I like genuine gestures of physical affection, but nothing too full on. I like my space. Personal space. If I really like you it's a different story though. Wow, see that didn't make much sense.

9. On a first date, how do you usually act?
Quiet. And I hate it. I usually end up feeling really guilty about not letting the other see who I really am, and instead he may have some idea of me being a really sweet quiet girl...when really, there's so much more!

10. Would you ask your date out again?
I'd probably be too nervous or apprehensive to haha. I don't want to appear clingy or anything. I usually am of the idea that if he likes me alot, he'll ask me out again. Eh that's my reasoning to my inadequacies anyway.

11. How would you like to be approached by an interested person?
Sincerity and gentleness goes a long way. Openness also. If you don't agree with something I say...say so! It makes conversation much more interesting. I hate when people agree with me just to be agreeable.

12. How long does it take for you to decide to date exclusively?
Too long

13. What do you do that you consider a "dead give-away" that you like somebody?
I smile alot, and make an effort to talk.

14. How do you keep the relationship going?
Just do.

15. What challenges do you face in expressing your love?
Letting go, taking a breath, and being myself.

16. What signals should a confused partner look for in order to be assured of continued interest?
If I initiate things. A phone call, a chat, a look in the eye, physical affection...anything. If I do it, it's because I want to.
 
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