How does each MBTI type show affection?

[Jasmine85]

Another way of answering the question is to look at how each types behaviour changes when they don't like you. What do they withdraw?

For me, an IN??, I show affection by giving people my time and helping them with whatever they want helping with, by which I mean cooperation rather than act of service. Sometimes I will make suggestions for how to make task more efficient, which S types don't always appreciate. I'll also show affection by talking with the person, learning what they are interested in, and trying to find some kind of intimacy with them, in terms of understanding one another. I find the cooperative experience to be a nice background setting for intimate conversation to happen.

So generally speaking, time is the gift I'll give. It's the most valuable thing I have to give. (And conversely, is the most valuable thing to receive as a gift)


One of my relatives (my auntie), an ENFJ, will declare her affection to people verbally, and literally three times a day will echo the words "I love you", whenever she notices something touching about a person's behaviour/thoughts. I think it's nice for a person to be that liberated and be able to express their feelings so openly. I get on well with her, but she is the only other N-type in my family.

Some people like my father (ISTJ) really don't appreciate her. He has much criticism for her and jokes frequently that she's over emotional; puts an emotional strain on "everybody" (=him); and he avoids her company where possible. He doesn't show affection explicitly, as it's all part and parcel of him being reliable and sticking to his routines, and telling people what they should be doing.

My mum (ISFJ) expresses affection in material ways, by buying things for people she loves. Typically cheap things of an S-type nature (food items, plants, ornaments, home furnishings, etc) Also, she quietly and reliably completes all the shopping, all the housework, all the cooking, and handles all the bills by herself. She's also very house proud and garden proud, which is what she takes pleasure in.

 

[Flavus Aquila]

When affection is given with the characteristic of sympathy, we INFJ's try to offer to others what we often feel we lack in ourselves:

The sense that one is not alone, that someone understands, and that someone cares.

 

[enfp can be shy]

I also noticed that ENTPs like to show off their cooking skills.

This fits very well with their shadow ISFJ.

Affection is a sign of doing something special for people, which otherwise one wouldn't do, so in many cases it is correlated with the shadow types of the normal types.

For example, ENTJ could play some instrument surprisingly well, as ISFP, just for you.
INTJ could share some playful ESFP activity.
ISTJ may become very joyful and funny, to make you feel better, like ENFP.
ENFP that cares very much may become serious, quiet, and dedicated like ISTJ, patiently correcting every small detail.
INTP make wonderfully crafted ESFJ gifts; and ESFJ, if they care about you much, may become very analytic and even critical, to help you improve.
ENFJ who is very caring may also shake you like ISTP would, or even help you greatly with manual work; and ISTP may give you a very passionate community concerned speech (rarely, but I've seen it happen). And so on.

This is not the only way to show affection, but it's natural that some private shadowness is reserved only for those that are closest.

I can't describe the affection of INFJs properly, because it's beyond my mental capacity. I don't know where to begin with. What I most love about them is that they have the magical ability to inspire others to be the best they are, without influencing them, without pushing them. It's just a sense of humane and sane freedom, that I haven't met any other type to understand so well, with such ease. You are life-bringers to that planet, in the most inner aspect. Part of the healing power of INFJs is just the fact that they can deal with so many different people in a positive way. That makes one believe in the true sense of the human spirit overall.

 

[poshlost]

In subtle camouflaged ways that are specifically meaningful to the person in question. But I can't really speak for other INTPs, they mostly seem like giant douchebags.

 

[Matariki]

My mum (EXFJ) to show love she will often give gifts or ask you to hang out with her at a cafe or social gathering, she will also try to correct you and offer advice.
Unfortunately for the ENTP this comes across as an insult.

My dad (INTP) will show love by giving gifts such as computer equipment, books and other gadgets. He will also do acts of service such as cleaning up the house (everything except his desk) My dad will also cook.

 

[Morgain]

ISTJ may become very joyful and funny, to make you feel better, like ENFP.
ENFP that cares very much may become serious, quiet, and dedicated like ISTJ, patiently correcting every small detail.

this is funny, I have seen my ISTJ dad and ENFP friend together and indeed she brings out the fun and joyfulness in my dad, while normaly he is NEVER funny!!!!

ISTJs take over your problems and solve them thereselves
ENFPs lift you up to the sky by being funny and cheerful and telling you how amazing you are.

To bad that both ways doesn't work for an INFP at all!!!!!!! I need to fix my own problems and that cheerfulness seems fake and shallow to me. Why can't they just listen and show me they value my deep insides :becky:

 

[Jasmine85]

Some other people in my family...

Other auntie (ESFJ) will show affection less often through material gifts, more often socialising. She's a chatterbox. She likes to go shopping with the people she loves. She likes to go on days out and even holidays away with people she loves.

One uncle (ISTP/ESTP) tends to make jokes with friends which are often in bad taste. Also sizing up and comparing assets with the other men "who has the best car", or "who went on the best holiday". Every conversation with people he likes to lace with humour. Every misfortune is something to make a joke of. Anyone who is insulted by this, he'll grow cold to, and he'll take his act to someone else who'll listen. Friendships are easy come easy go. Affection is very much a matter of whether or not you embrace him and his humour, and if so, what you are getting is the affection.

Another uncle (ESTJ) tends to show affection socially. He enjoys having conversations with people he loves, but in contrast with ESFJ, this is much less personal conversation. It is more about current affairs, newspaper stories, or telling people how things are or what has happened, always with a story to tell. It's as if his guiding principle is to transform the world into words and communicate them. He's a fluent and bold speaker, who has a "sermon" to give about everything, which can be a little tiresome at times. But all in all he comes across as a stable and trustworthy pillar of the community.

 

[Ria]

I have noticed that my ISTP boyfriend's favorite love language is physical touch.

I love to give that one too, but tend to enjoy giving them all. If I had to pick one that could encompass all of the love languages simutaniousely though, it would be quality time. You can get'er all done with some quality time.

 

[rawr]

I love to give that one too, but tend to enjoy giving them all. If I had to pick one that could encompass all of the love languages simutaniousely though, it would be quality time. You can get'er all done with some quality time.

this is true

 

[Futurus]

But I can't really speak for other INTPs, they mostly seem like giant douchebags.

:eyebrows:

-----

I show my affection most clearly through acts of service. I absolutely detest using words, because my feelings never manifest the right way. Words just don't encompass the *love* within.

I also apply my obsessive problem-solving skills to any matter in their life. If they have any concern at all, I'll usually spend much time on my computer researching said concern.

It can be somewhat frustrating, however, as many cannot comprehend my affectionate ways. They often assume my curious nature is apt to research anything. This is not the case. Most of my relations underestimate how much I care about them.

I wish there was some sort of supernatural 'language of love' I could master. :noidea:

My ENTJ father criticizes those he cares about. Although most usually take offense at this behavior (especially my mother, nevertheless), and understandably so. . . he means well. "I want you to succeed and live up to your potential, so I'll point out all of your mistakes." I'm not condoning the hypercriticism, only the intentions behind it.

 

[Bored Now]

ISTJ - banging

When did *I* become an istj?

I don't show affection well. Mostly i just mock you and let you see me naked a lot. Or cook for you. If I let you see me vulnerable, (i.e .crying or the like) there is a 99% chance I care for you a great deal. Because I don't even let my mother see me cry.

 

[Gaze]

When affection is given with the characteristic of sympathy, we INFJ's try to offer to others what we often feel we lack in ourselves:

The sense that one is not alone, that someone understands, and that someone cares.

INFP

I need to fix my own problems and that cheerfulness seems fake and shallow to me. Why can't they just listen and show me they value my deep insides :becky:

This^^

 

[Morgain]

:eyebrows:

-----

I show my affection most clearly through acts of service. I absolutely detest using words, because my feelings never manifest the right way. Words just don't encompass the *love* within..

I feel the same about this. The words "I love you", I CAN'T say them. There is a huge block in me to say them I think because I don't know when to use them, when is the love inside big inough to say those words. When other people say those words to me they don't mean so much. Words are just words and people can say them when they are empty. I show my love by the way I look at you, the way I act with you, the care I put into my words to you, the way I huge you, the smile on my face and the twinkle in my eyes. And that is the way people should show me they love me...

My ENTJ father criticizes those he cares about. Although most usually take offense at this behavior (especially my mother, nevertheless), and understandably so. . . he means well. "I want you to succeed and live up to your potential, so I'll point out all of your mistakes." I'm not condoning the hypercriticism, only the intentions behind it.

my father is the same...

 

[Gaze]

The words "I love you", I CAN'T say them. There is a huge block in me to say them I think because I don't know when to use them, when is the love inside big inough to say those words. When other people say those words to me they don't mean so much. Words are just words and people can say them when they are empty. I show my love by the way I look at you, the way I act with you, the care I put into my words to you, the way I huge you, the smile on my face and the twinkle in my eyes. And that is the way people should show me they love me...

my father is the same...

The comments in bold. I express my interest indirectly.

 

[Gaze]

INFP, sometimes i can be overt in expressing my interest but not through overt physical affection. I've become more subtle. I'll focus more on listening and just being there, which is very easy to take for granted because it's not expressive enough for some. But when i'm overt in expressing affection, it usually feels forced and overdone; as if i'm imposing, so i tend to hold back. hmm . . .