It's taken a while for it to all come back to me, but I have a lot to contribute from my high school experience.
I definitely developed early compared to my peers, and as a result I was often told I was pretty and asked out. Many popular girls always wanted to associate with me, but I didn't pay too much attention to them because they were not in the academic group that I was in--I didn't want to be seen as just any bimbo. Males and females would often seek me out for romantic and life advice. It seemed like most everyone was much shier, much more naive, and less independent than I was, and very shy people would confide in me that they had always looked up to me for being brave and outgoing in their eyes, for doing things like MCing, performing, and public speaking in front of the school. I was tall and physically imposing, and though I was never the best (and this ended up eating away at my pride eventually), I did well at anything I tried my hand at. As a result of all of this, I thought I was hot shit the entire time before I became depressed. I had fun being generally outgoing and adventurous and a little eccentric, even if people at my school were sort of joy kills. I felt like I related a lot to the anime character Haruhi Suzumiya (for those who have watched it). At times I had mini existential crises a la Lindsay Lohan in Mean Girls.
Depression/anxiety and surrounding experiences sobered me up a lot. It humbled me immensely. Before, life was all one big power and fun trip to me (I strongly identified with enneagram 8 at the time). But we aren't in high school anymore. I feel like the way I viewed things back then was a mistake. I should have worked harder and been a better person from earlier on rather than squeezing as much as I could out of pure, substanceless confidence and expecting things to go my way purely out of will instead of out of true committed heart, thought, and effort.
I definitely developed early compared to my peers, and as a result I was often told I was pretty and asked out. Many popular girls always wanted to associate with me, but I didn't pay too much attention to them because they were not in the academic group that I was in--I didn't want to be seen as just any bimbo. Males and females would often seek me out for romantic and life advice. It seemed like most everyone was much shier, much more naive, and less independent than I was, and very shy people would confide in me that they had always looked up to me for being brave and outgoing in their eyes, for doing things like MCing, performing, and public speaking in front of the school. I was tall and physically imposing, and though I was never the best (and this ended up eating away at my pride eventually), I did well at anything I tried my hand at. As a result of all of this, I thought I was hot shit the entire time before I became depressed. I had fun being generally outgoing and adventurous and a little eccentric, even if people at my school were sort of joy kills. I felt like I related a lot to the anime character Haruhi Suzumiya (for those who have watched it). At times I had mini existential crises a la Lindsay Lohan in Mean Girls.
Depression/anxiety and surrounding experiences sobered me up a lot. It humbled me immensely. Before, life was all one big power and fun trip to me (I strongly identified with enneagram 8 at the time). But we aren't in high school anymore. I feel like the way I viewed things back then was a mistake. I should have worked harder and been a better person from earlier on rather than squeezing as much as I could out of pure, substanceless confidence and expecting things to go my way purely out of will instead of out of true committed heart, thought, and effort.
