How Much Have You Changed?

I've changed from being too caring to too apathetic.
From too self-conscious to a "fuck it" attitude.
From being driven and anxious to a meaningless bliss
From uncontrollable emotional denial to acceptance of emotional turbulences.
From taking live too seriously into living peacefully
From a deterministic attitude to realizing the free will of my existence.
From seeing myself as a failure into seeing myself as the one to blame for it.
and so on.
 
I have changed outwardly a little - more relaxed, and outgoing. I changed inwardly in that I am more comfortable with who I am, more aware of the world, and recognize the importance of acknowledging my own unique traits.
 
Last edited:
I have changed many times over in my life, in different ways when necessary. Each time I have changed I have considered it as growth, doing the most I can with what I know to be true. Of course there have been many mistakes along the way sometimes perpetuating a further need for change. Over the past 2 months I unconsciously worked towards becoming more extroverted since introversion was no longer suiting me well at all. When I realized it was extroversion I was leaning towards I only knew better how to achieve my objective and am now trying actively. From experience I can say the change will likely not last my whole life but will none the less be an important part of one era of my life. Here is a haiku i wrote on this topic from a little while back when i was reminiscing about all the changes i have made in my life:

Personality

There will come a time
when you'll see your phases of change
running in a loop
 
just figure out how to add images :)
it goes with the poem above
 

Attachments

  • 1471036-ferris-wheel-and-amusement-park.webp
    1471036-ferris-wheel-and-amusement-park.webp
    31.1 KB · Views: 38
In the past year? Gee. I am not sure. I think I have really branched out and opened up slightly. I've gotten a bit darker, I guess. Gained a tad of self confidence. I don't know what made me change exactly. I know things I have read have changed my outlook on things, and my taste in music has allowed me to figure out other stuff. But I don't know. Guess I am just different.
 
I've stopped counting the candle wax dripping down the walls of my room.

And I've started counting the pockets of photosynthesis factories in the rainsoaked landscape.
 
I'm still at core the same person, but how I express myself today is almost the opposite of how I expressed myself twenty years ago. I was very caught into looking like the quintessential INTP when I was twenty, neurotic about ever appearing stupid or unknowledgeable, and denied any emotionalism that might have been coloring my views and decisions. Life has a way to curing you of that sort of extremism, though. At this stage in my life, I feel very well-rounded and integrated at last, capable of approaching a situation in most suited way -- whether that is being emotionally expressive, being analytical, being intuitive, or being down-to-earth. I credit both my marriage and my kids for forcing me to confront the one-sided dimensionality of who I used to be and change if I was to be a good parent and spouse.

Still, even from five years ago, I've radically changed. My spirituality/understanding of the world has made a large shift; I'm no longer with my ex, although we're still close; my social presentation is very different; and what's funny is that people who know me can't imagine what I was like before and/or see who I used to be as the shadow and who I am now as the real live person. I'm much more confident, bold, positive, engaging, willing to take risks.

The whole experience (scary when you're first contemplating letting go of what you know in order to become something you've dreamed but never yet tasted) gave me confidence in the power of change and a willingness to allow more change in the future. We might have some core traits that remain to us as individuals, but there is always capacity to transform.

As far as striving to change? Well, I think stability and consistency is a good thing when appropriate. Change just for change's sake can be disruptive to people, whether it's the person changing or those around the person changing. To me, it's more a matter of perceptive, intelligent change.

- Don't hold onto things past their time.
- Don't hold onto things that you realize are bad for you and/or others.
- Don't hold onto things just because you're scared of something new.

So I guess overall, it's more a matter of being tied into things and responsive to the natural ebb and flow of the world and time around us, and going with it.
 
i try to always keep learning and pushing myself to keep growing and broadening my perspectives and achieving new things. but i have also had to be patient and gentle with myself to make progress, - baby steps.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top