How to work with people and not get frustrated

slant said:
They're just people and they have their reasons. I don't look down upon them and I discourage the idea of doing so.
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I have those days but in teaching teens, I learned it's important to let my disappointment be known. I always coax them with kinder words after but they have to know they're being mean and irresponsible in the hope they wouldn't do it again.
 
mintoots said:
I have those days but in teaching teens, I learned it's important to let my disappointment be known. I always coax them with kinder words after but they have to know they're being mean and irresponsible in the hope they wouldn't do it again.
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Yeah, I kind of agree with this. I spent the better part of my career cleaning up messes and taking responsibility for others without being vocal enough about it... the end result was watching some of these "troublemakers" getting promoted because their carelessness or incompetence never really had any major detrimental effects. My own career felt like it was in the toilet.

Fast forward to now, and I'm a lot more vocal about what I consider acceptable, people taking responsibility, and it's been incredibly good for me relative to before. Granted, I still end up taking accountability for way too much (my boss continually tells me that I shouldn't feel responsible for others' failures), but the transparency and drawing lines in the sand has helped. However, I also work in a company with tens of thousands of people, so my ability to actually influence people that I have never met before but create the problems I've highlighted in my OP is generally pretty low. They are simply failing to meet the ethical and professional standards of their own groups.

At the end of the day, I can work on trying to be better, learn how to become a more effective influencer through encouragement, etc.... I suspect I'll still be frustrated by the fact that a single person that creates problems can be sufficient enough to demolish a process or cause a major headache for others, and if this person continually does so willingly without any self-awareness or accountability, I can't imagine having any level of respect for them.
 
noisebloom said:
I suspect I'll still be frustrated by the fact that a single person that creates problems can be sufficient enough to demolish a process or cause a major headache for others, and if this person continually does so willingly without any self-awareness or accountability, I can't imagine having any level of respect for them.
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"There's always that one guy"

~my mom
 
noisebloom said:
suspect I'll still be frustrated by the fact that a single person that creates problems can be sufficient enough to demolish a process or cause a major headache for others, and if this person continually does so willingly without any self-awareness or accountability, I can't imagine having any level of respect for them.
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Yes, it would be hard for me too. This is because I can't quantify the amount of work and value I put into a goal and when someone derails it out of sheer irresponsibility, it's very hard not to be disappointed. It's not that it doesn't pain me to reprimand, it profoundly does which is what makes the ordeal even more tiresome.
 
mintoots said:
Yes, it would be hard for me too. This is because I can't quantify the amount of work and value I put into a goal and when someone derails it out of sheer irresponsibility, it's very hard not to be disappointed. It's not that it doesn't pain me to reprimand, it profoundly does which is what makes the ordeal even more tiresome.
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Why does other people's actions in any way devalue your integrity and your sense of pride in your own work?
 
slant said:
Why does other people's actions in any way devalue your integrity and your sense of pride in your own work?
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I can't speak for @mintoots, but for me it's because I value the "end product" of what I'm trying to achieve.

Some of the best moments in my life have been when I worked with a team to execute and achieve something, and the fulfillment of the goal was what made it so awesome. It can be frustrating when one person prevents a goal like this from being achieved, even more so if the reason behind it is because they were being dishonest about something. Honesty, reliability - these are very strong values for me. Owning up to mistakes and putting others first.
 
noisebloom said:
I can't speak for @mintoots, but for me it's because I value the "end product" of what I'm trying to achieve.

Some of the best moments in my life have been when I worked with a team to execute and achieve something, and the fulfillment of the goal was what made it so awesome. It can be frustrating when one person prevents a goal like this from being achieved, even more so if the reason behind it is because they were being dishonest about something. Honesty, reliability - these are very strong values for me. Owning up to mistakes and putting others first.
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Hmm. I don't understand this perspective, but thank you for sharing. It seems like if the end result was the most important you could enjoy figuring out how to get to the end result by relying on yourself and your own ingenuity to get it accomplished regardless of what others do.
 
Sometimes, yes, but if one person could accomplish everything to achieve the desired result with the desired efficiency, the premise of collaboration would be... weak, I guess?
 
noisebloom said:
Sometimes, yes, but if one person could accomplish everything to achieve the desired result with the desired efficiency, the premise of collaboration would be... weak, I guess?
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You accomplish what you can accomplish. That's all you can do.
 
slant said:
They're just people and they have their reasons. I don't look down upon them and I discourage the idea of doing so.
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Too right! It's the people who look down on people who look down on people like your co-workers who should really be looked down on.
 
slant said:
Why does other people's actions in any way devalue your integrity and your sense of pride in your own work?
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Not my sense of pride but the greater mission of the work. In my case, my work is towards changing corrupt systems. I take it as a mission. I see the profound effect of the change it can bring that's why I take it seriously. Everyone who stays on board is made aware of the mission. When someone fundamentally derails that mission, to me, it becomes an attack against the envisioned change behind it. It's simply a behavior I don't want to condone. Ultimately, it is wrong to not take accountability for your own responsibility. I am not degrading the entirety of their character but I will frown upon their action. I recognize imperfection as I am also imperfect and that is what chances are for, but when something is unfair and unjust, it has to be recognized and weeded out.

There's also a huge difference in making a mistake and in intentionally riding on the hard work of others. The latter is clearly leaning towards abuse and in no way should be consoled.
 
mintoots said:
Not my sense of pride but the greater mission of the work. In my case, my work is towards changing corrupt systems. I take it as a mission. I see the profound effect of the change it can bring that's why I take it seriously. Everyone who stays on board is made aware of the mission. When someone fundamentally derails that mission, to me, it becomes an attack against the envisioned change behind it. It's simply a behavior I don't want to condone. Ultimately, it is wrong to not take accountability for your own responsibility. I am not degrading the entirety of their character but I will frown upon their action. I recognize imperfection as I am also imperfect and that is what chances are for, but when something is unfair and unjust, it has to be recognized and weeded out.

There's also a huge difference in making a mistake and in intentionally riding on the hard work of others. The latter is clearly leaning towards abuse and in no way should be consoled.
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Oh okay so you believe in universalism not relativism
 
Cornerstone said:
Too right! It's the people who look down on people who look down on people like your co-workers who should really be looked down on.
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Mistakes are one, but when people are intentionally hating and abusing each other as a self-protecting mechanism, that is the mark of a collapsing and degrading organization.
 
mintoots said:
What made you deduce this? Would you care to elaborate?
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Well you say you're trying to change corrupted systems and seem to imply there is one specific mission and that if people don't fall in line with the expectations of the mission they are derailing it.

Whereas in relativism a competely corrupted system would be impossible, only conflicting ideas, and therefore there would be no one way to solve it and instead multiple possibilities. Furthermore, if someone diverged from the mission that might be necessary.
 
mintoots said:
Mistakes are one, but when people are intentionally hating and abusing each other as a self-protecting mechanism, that is the mark of a collapsing and degrading organization.
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I was just having fun with the words. It wasn't an actual criticism of you!
 
noisebloom said:
I can't speak for @mintoots, but for me it's because I value the "end product" of what I'm trying to achieve.

Some of the best moments in my life have been when I worked with a team to execute and achieve something, and the fulfillment of the goal was what made it so awesome. It can be frustrating when one person prevents a goal like this from being achieved, even more so if the reason behind it is because they were being dishonest about something. Honesty, reliability - these are very strong values for me. Owning up to mistakes and putting others first.
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Same. I second this.

Also when someone is purposely taking advantage of another, it is generally not acceptable but it depends on the degree. Sometimes I notice it and if the junior is happy about and sees it as mentoring, I don't step in. But when the third one involved is clearly unhappy, I try to relieve the situation as quietly as I can but I can't manage it all and that's what really makes the job difficult.
 
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