How would you react?

May said:
true but so could the ways i proposed, and they would probably work better because it would focus in on what the actual source of the problem is. "why are you with me" is very indirect and can lead to confusion, the person might say "because i love you" misunderstanding the intent behind the question, and their partner would feel even more misunderstood and upset
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Responding to "Why" with "because I love you", in my mind does not answer the question. "I love you" is more about the feelings of the person saying it, and has little to do with the person receiving it. If I asked "why," I'm expecting you to describe specific qualities or characteristics you find appealing or attractive. Telling me you love me is only one part of the equation. By simply answering "because I love you," may give me the impression that you're hiding something, that you're not being honest.
 
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I'd shoot the question. why are YOU with me? :m027:
 
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acd said:
How would you react to someone you are dating (long term) asking you, "Why are you with me?" after an argument?
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"Because I love you"

I have trained myself so that this is a Pavlovian response in those dark moments.
 
I'm with Restraint here. I could see this as a way to opening up to discussion. If it was asked in a calm manner after an arguement, without emotions, then they probably want an honest answer. I wouldn't say that it's one to answer right away, but I think you'd be smart to take some time alone and evaluate your answer. It shows some sort of pain/insecurity from the other party, and if you honestly to want to be with them, this is the type of question that can open up a discussion for mending the relationship.

Are there better ways to say it? Yeah, but if it's been said, what's the point of agonizing over the way it has been said? That won't solve anything, and only make you possibly more angry.

I guess my advice would be to ignore the way it was said, and really dig into your feelings. Perhaps the person feels as if you are too distant from them, and they don't feel a reciprocated response from you. Perhaps they feel as if you don't open up enough to them, and maybe to them opening up is a sign of love. There are a million tangents that this could go on, but you're in the relationship, and you know yourself best. Use it as something to gain understanding about yourself, and examine your relationship with a critical eye.

If it's something you want to save, it's time for that scary discussion. Get it over with, say what you need to say, and move on to the next step; fixing things.

Good luck, my friend.
 
Restraint said:
Agree.
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I also agree with this agreement. If the person is asking you, this may be more important than you think. If you refuse to answer, you may be doing more damage than you know.

And honestly, if you take offense at them asking, then you have probably done something that you are still either in denial about, or they have done something to you that you don't know about.

I agree with restraint that 'because I love you' is a bad answer to this question. My guess is the question was asked in earnest, and if you cannot answer during the heat of an argument then you are saying more than you know.

I have been married ten years though, and this has come up. I fear what would have happened had we not answered the question, or taken offense at uncovered honesty. I've been on both ends of the question. I think its an important one.

Why do some people think that berating each other is ok, but reaching underneath the anger for meaning is somehow insulting or passive aggressive? This is somewhat belligerent of me, so if you take offense I understand, but I feel that you should not 'shirk off' the meaning of the question or belittle it with a cute answer.

Just my intuition, could be wrong. I hope I don't offend anyone. Just hate to see stuff like this get pushed aside as 'weak'.
 
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becacsue love never fails
 
acd said:
How would you react to someone you are dating (long term) asking you, "Why are you with me?" after an argument?
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Tone, body language, and specific context are relevant --so I can't be sure.

If I thought it was manipulative rhetoric, I'd call them on it.
 
My first reaction to hearing it would be a feeling of disappointment and my estimation of the person might go down a notch.
 
Why do I love thee? Shall I count the ways?
Your eyes, are a fire, to set the sun ablaze,
Passion you wrought has built my soul a cage,
and your open heart holds me in its gaze.

Thy simple lines, in my mind shine,
Your words fly like birds, you thought unheeded, heard.
Your query some might think askance, is heavensent.

You gave me call to think of thee,
Our times, our talks and glee,
Because if I think of us with honesty,
There's noone with whom I'd rather be.
 
*swoon*
 
Shai Gar said:
Why do I love thee? Shall I count the ways?
Your eyes, are a fire, to set the sun ablaze,
Passion you wrought has built my soul a cage,
and your open heart holds me in its gaze.

Thy simple lines, in my mind shine,
Your words fly like birds, you thought unheeded, heard.
Your query some might think askance, is heavensent.

You gave me call to think of thee,
Our times, our talks and glee,
Because if I think of us with honesty,
There's noone with whom I'd rather be.
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will-you-marry-me.jpg
 
Depends on TPO, and the context. If asked RIGHTLY after an argument, I'd say "why are you asking me that now?"

Because, you know, people during arguments are not in their right minds and emotional state of mind.

That aside, I'll probably answer as much as I could. The qualities I find him endearing, the qualities that I find him unbearable, and that "despite both, I still want to be with you."; I agreed with TheLastMohican's answer.

"What about you?" would be almost definitely said.
 
acd said:
How would you react to someone you are dating (long term) asking you, "Why are you with me?" after an argument?
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My first reaction would probably be confusion.

Then I would reply "Because I am, fullstop. Now you need to ask yourself the same question." or I would say nothing.

Then I would execute the famous ENTP disappearing act. :mlight:
 
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I would tell them the truth, speak from my heart.

Honesty is everything in a relationship.

If the relationship was meant to be then honesty won't hurt it.
 
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SamanthaSunshine said:
I would tell them the truth, speak from my heart.

Honesty is everything in a relationship.

If the relationship was meant to be then honesty won't hurt it.
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You know how many relationships would end if everyone were completely honest with each other and themselves?

Most of them, probably.
 
Basically, I just got pissed and called them out on it for being a manipulative and dodgy.

Something to the effect of: "Don't try to insinuate that I'm not happy because you aren't. I have no qualms. If you do, then speak for yourself."

The question was asked in the first place because I don't partake of some things that the other enjoys.

Anyway. It all went well. Worked out, no fight no breakup.

Eh.. I don't want to get into the conversation here because I kind of feel dumb about posting this question in the first place. But thanks for the responses and your perspectives. By all means, continue on with the discussion. I'm sure I'm not the only person who has been been asked this before.




I could have also recited poetry (thank you, Shai Gar) and I think that would have worked in the end, too.
 
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