"I feel like...."

[Trifoilum]

So I feel like sometimes the phrase 'I feel like..' has...something,
Jezebel pondered about it.

http://jezebel.com/ladies-whats-up-with-the-i-feel-like-verbal-tic-1184374148

My use of "I feel like" isn't stylistic, but it's definitely interactional and intentional. My preferred mode of communication is to talk or type before I'm done thinking, and then work out my thoughts during a dialogue. An "I feel like" preface implies that my feelings aren't set in stone; they're not necessarily rational or well thought-out. I strive to have faith that my opinions are worthy, but I don't want to be the kind of person who is so convinced she has something important to say that she asserts every statement as fact, not feeling.


"I find I use the phrase most often when confronting potential conflict or delivering a critical opinion of some kind," one friend said. "It hedges, not by 'deferring' to feelings as less harsh or serious than 'thinking.' I'm being honest about where my opinion is coming from. It's a staple of nonviolent communication, actually, to make the distinction."

The comments explored the issue more.

I feel like this particular phrase is a form of diplomacy; putting things within a personal perspective as opposed to an external, absolute 'truth'. And at the same time we decrease the absolute quality of our statement (and in extension, preventing conflict) WITHOUT invalidating our own opinions and values.
I also learned to NOT use I statements whenever I want to appear certain, and I feel the phrase "I feel like.." is very-- weak in its power.
At the same time it opens room for other opinions; it implies a form of.....somewhere between uncertainty and openness.

At yet, what about 'I think'? Do we use it that often? Or 'I know'?
For myself I think I use the phrase 'I think' as much as 'I feel' but...I dunno?

So:
Do you use 'I feel like...' a lot? Under what circumstances?
Do you agree with Jezebel's assessment that this is a gendered phrase, or that women use this much more than men? If so, why?
At what circumstances is this good? At what circumstances is this bad?

 

[Nixie]

I think (<---notice that) self expression is generally devised from internal decisions...meaning the ideals/beliefs/values you consider important. I do think (<---again notice) that social conditioning MAY play a part in how you express yourself, especially if, as an adult, you make no effort to define yourself outside of "what you have been taught/know". I tend to use the phrases "it would seem" when I am angling to allow the Other to note I am not making absolute statements. I generally (<---yet another evasive indicating word) confine "I feel" statements to intensely personal statements, ideas that are not being expressed for their informative or conversational matter but to convey my individual position/attitude.

 

[Nixie]

I feel like there needs to be a "Say Something and Get a *hug* from Trifoilum" thread.....see, I haz feelz

 

[Trifoilum]

I think (<---notice that) self expression is generally devised from internal decisions...meaning the ideals/beliefs/values you consider important. I do think (<---again notice) that social conditioning MAY play a part in how you express yourself, especially if, as an adult, you make no effort to define yourself outside of "what you have been taught/know". I tend to use the phrases "it would seem" when I am angling to allow the Other to note I am not making absolute statements. I generally (<---yet another evasive indicating word) confine "I feel" statements to intensely personal statements, ideas that are not being expressed for their informative or conversational matter but to convey my individual position/attitude.

Thank you! This is interesting to note, the subtle angles we make in our socializing/arguing/communicating attempts.

A commenter in Jezebel notes that using "Yeah I think it's very useful in a conflict resolution setting, but in a classroom or board room setting, I wonder why I use it so much."

Which is interesting, personally speaking.

Also, Hugs! *hugs*

 

[this is only temporary]

I use "I feel like..." all the time, and I do it for a number of reasons, one of the main ones being I am very frequently in a position where I have to discuss nebulous and subjective concepts, ideas, and suggestions with people (who have feelings) and who might be sensitive about it, and it is a good way to brainstorm or discuss possibilities or plans or creations with others in a non-confrontational manner where you need a diverse range of input. It is useful if you have to verbalize or plan things which are not quite there yet.

I use "I think" when it is something I'm not sure about, but which may be an actual fact.

Where's my hug?

 

[Trifoilum]

I use "I feel like..." all the time, and I do it for a number of reasons, one of the main ones being I am very frequently in a position where I have to discuss nebulous and subjective concepts, ideas, and suggestions with people (who have feelings) and who might be sensitive about it, and it is a good way to brainstorm or discuss possibilities or plans or creations with others in a non-confrontational manner where you need a diverse range of input. It is useful if you have to verbalize or plan things which are not quite there yet.

I use "I think" when it is something I'm not sure about, but which may be an actual fact.

Where's my hug?

*HUGS*

Yeah, I agreed!
I think I also use "I think" when I'm unsure, or at least not to appear VERY sure. It's another form of IINM