[INFJ] I hurt an INFJ very bad

[t56hg2bv]

We're not in a romantic relationship nor does we want to be. Also what do you mean by "she got her own issues"? Like what?

What do you want from this forum? You ask her, you ask about the state of her, you ask about what needs to be done to convince her of you. If you are getting what you want from her, what do you want from us?

It seems as though you want acceptance not advice. I can appreciate that but only if you are honest about what it is that your are seeking. If in fact it is acceptance then engage in other areas. Get involved in our community. Engage in discussion.

The only discussion I see is a lack of harmony. A dissension between what you want and what you get from the world and this forum.

If you truly want something from us, say what it is now, because you are making me (and I'm sure many others) tired with your constant questions about what you are seeking and what you are attaining. This is further complicated by the fact that you constantly alter the dynamic with new information. For example, you say that you post that she is your girlfriend (when in fact she is not), and the later say that she said she was your girlfriend. Now, you are saying that you are together, then state that there is no romantic relationship. Your statements are looping back on itself with complete dysfunction.

I vote for shutting down this thread. This is a waste of time for everyone and should be seen as a disruption in the communities ability to be personally functional. Maybe the community won't shut it down (I hope it does) but I will disengage from it hereto forth. Its an exhaustion of a beautiful people and community with self interest at the center of its purpose. It uses the nature of the INFJ to turn itself inward and conflict not only oneself but all those around them.

 

[feelsbad]

What do you want from this forum?

I just wanted help to make the situation better so she won't feel bad and maybe how to react if she talks to me again. Also I don't really understand what your problem is.

If you truly want something from us, say what it is now, because you are making me (and I'm sure many others) tired with your constant questions about what you are seeking and what you are attaining. This is further complicated by the fact that you constantly alter the dynamic with new information. For example, you say that you post that she is your girlfriend (when in fact she is not), and the later say that she said she was your girlfriend. Now, you are saying that you are together, then state that there is no romantic relationship. Your statements are looping back on itself with complete dysfunction.

I never said she is my girlfriend right now. We had been in a relationship in the beginning for a few weeks, so she was my girlfriend, but she didn't want this anymore so we said it's better to have friendship contact. When I posted her picture we were not together anymore since 2 days I think. And NO that wasn't the reason, just randomly happened right after this, didn't want to revenge her or something.

So yeah, we are not together anymore for about 1/2 year and this relationship wasn't really serious, I mean we never met in real life.

I just really try to not make anyone upset. I don't only want validation, just want to get advice. I take your advice seriously, even if it doesn't seem like it, so when I ask further questions that doesn't mean I'm ignoring anyone. Sorry if it looks like this.
The advice to leave her alone I took very serious. I removed her, but she added me again now afterwards, so I'm confused what's the reason and how to behave properly to not make it worse, why she might have done that and if I should talk to her or let her do the first step (if she wants to).

edit: If you think I just ask all this to get information on how to win her back, then you are probably wrong. I just don't want to make another mistake or giving her further reasons to be afraid. And no, not because her being afraid would mean she wouldn't want any further contact, but because I srsly don't want her to be in a state of fear just because of my presence. You have mentioned she has her own problems. I perceive this like you think she might have mental problems and therefore is coming back online or she might be lonely.

 

[biwaly]

just want to get advice

We don't have any advice left. We did our best. We can write you a book but it still won't work. Because knowledge alone won't help you to do what you can't. You can only do what is in your power. We can't hold your hand rest of your life. We didn't born to give you advice. You should be able to make your own choice yourself. Best choice for you now is seeking professional help and getting advice from them.

 

[dang]

We don't have any advice left. We did our best. We can write you a book but it still won't work. Because knowledge alone won't help you to do what you can't. You can only do what is in your power. We can't hold your hand rest of your life. We didn't born to give you advice. You should be able to make your own choice yourself. Best choice for you now is seeking professional help and getting advice from them.

He might be your long lost son.

 

[dudemanbro]

Ok. I think that becoming a better person is

Dudemanbro it's been forever....

It has. I am missing you, you beautiful human being. Just can't stay away from this place forever, there is something special on this forum I guess (it's all you psychopaths <3)

 

[feelsbad]

I don't understand why you are all against me, I just tried to understand what you mean instead I am getting harassed for nothing. You said I shouldn't talk to her again and leave her alone. I did.
But she came back on her own. So why is it inappropriate to ask you what you would think or do now? I really don't get this.

 

[dang]

I don't understand why you are all against me, I just tried to understand what you mean instead I am getting harassed for nothing. You said I shouldn't talk to her again and leave her alone. I did.
But she came back on her own. So why is it inappropriate to ask you what you would think or do now? I really don't get this.

See a therapist. We are not professionals. Just a bunch of opinionated losers. You shouldn't even care what I have to say. For all you know I'm on crack. I'm not sure what you are after. But I don't think you are going to find it here. Why don't you start another thread about how everyone here is victimizing you. That would be a blast. If you have any other questions, you should PM the shaman of this forum, @Milktoast Bandit. He will heal you. But it won't come cheap. And you might be a little sore afterwards. But he guarantees his results. What was I saying? I need to get some more crack. Who's buying?

 

[feelsbad]

edit: Just ignore what I write. You are all right, I have a personality disorder and I need a therapy - if it's possible to treat this. I should stay away from other human beings, because I just cause pain and make others upset. I really tried my best now, but it's not enough. Bye bye.

 

[acd]

Good luck @feelsbad . Keep trying and I hope you find the help you need.

 

[feelsbad]

Sorry for another reply on this thread. Didn't want anymore... but she now sent me a new request on Skype with a different account and in the request she sent me the message "I didn't add you... you promised me something... I just wanted to be good friends... and now you hate me"
Is this possible on Skype or is she just manipulating me? I'm 100% sure I got a request from her old account and not sending one myself. I don't understand anything anymore. Why is she doing this now?

 

[Piotrek Dzierzynski]

I'm an INTJ male. I have a good friend (INFJ female) on Skype. We never met in real life, but we know us online for about a year now.
She is one of the nicest people I ever met. So I really like her, but I did a few things she can't forgive anymore I guess.

First of all when we met online I told her I'm self-employed, working in IT like programming stuff.
That wasn't true. The truth is at that time I earned my money by doing criminal stuff in Darknet.

She somehow intuitionally knew that something was wrong, so she asked me different stuff and thought I was lying about this or that. Then somehow she asked me if I'm a hacker. So I responded "define hacker" and that was the moment she knew I was lying about my job.

I couldn't do this anymore so 1 month later I told her the truth. She felt so badly about this, firstly because I lied to her and secondly because I have been a criminal.

She was really pissed on, so I tried my best to prove her I wasn't a liar. She also told me right in the beginning she is a very paranoid person, so this triggered her really hard, but she accepted my sorry and we moved on.
She also warned me she usually wouldn't trust twice. I promised I wouldn't hurt her again.

Until I did something much much worse. Not even comparable.
I hope she won't hate me for posting this here, but I want to get help somehow. So yeah.
In the beginning she sent me censored picture of her face, to prove me she is real. I posted this picture online to troll others pretending I have just found a girlfriend. I also posted a screenshot and I forgot to remove her Skype name. This was so stupid...
Someone messaged her, I tried to explain what I did but I couldn't.

She felt so super betrayed, but I sweated to her I would take full responsibility for what I did. I said if I will help her to get out of this situation, she will accept my sorry. I believed her, so she changed her account, I gave her tips like not accepting any friend requests and nothing happened to her.
But her trust was broken, she was super distant. I tried my best to win her back, to somehow show her it was a mistake I did. So there were differences. Sometimes she was more open, sometimes she didn't reply for days. I tried my best to prove her I was always on her side, but she became super paranoid. First she didn't tell how she felt and said "I'm okay. it's okay... don't worry about me." but she remained distant, but with time she confronted me with what I did.
I tried to apologize hundreds of times, but overtime I tried she just became more hurt and angry it seemed to me. No matter how hard I tried. She became so paranoid, she sometimes asked me if I will try to stalk her or something. It became much worse and worse.

A few days ago she said she will delete her account. I begged her not do, so she wanted to stay. But a few moments later she replied she just said wanted to stay, because she fears I would come to find her and stuff like that.
I asked her if she really wanted to leave me (she said that before already a few times, but then she finally stayed, so I thought it was the same) and if so I would delete and block her for her and I promised I wouldn't stalk her then. She didn't answer to my questions.
I waited about 2 days, asked her again, I wrote her a message where I explained her again how much I hate myself for what I did and I just want the best for her and if she's that hurt that she can't anymore I would leave her now if she wishes.
She didn't reply, so finally I said good bye and blocked her.

I don't know what to do right now, because I seriously miss her and I feel like I lost something really important. I'm so sad and I can't even imagine how bad she must feel, I just want to make it undone, but she won't trust me again and she even has reason for it. I would like to prove her I'm not lying, but it seems to be impossible now.

She has every reason not to trust you. You DID lie to her - at least twice! You bretrayed her trust. It has nothing to do with her being paranoid. You have proven to her that you are not only untrustworthy but you do not seem to understand what you have done or take responsibility for it. To me you look like a victim of some magical thinking on your part. You lie to yourself and expect others to believe your lies as well. Take my word for it. I am an INFJ.

 

[feelsbad]

She has every reason not to trust you. You DID lie to her - at least twice! You bretrayed her trust. It has nothing to do with her being paranoid. You have proven to her that you are not only untrustworthy but you do not seem to understand what you have done or take responsibility for it. To me you look like a victim of some magical thinking on your part. You lie to yourself and expect others to believe your lies as well. Take my word for it. I am an INFJ.

Yeah I accepted this. That's why I'm leaving her alone now. Forever. I regret this and I'm already suicidal bc of all the pain I cause, believe me.

 

[acd]

Yeah I accepted this. That's why I'm leaving her alone now. Forever. I regret this and I'm already suicidal bc of all the pain I cause, believe me.

You did ask for feedback, and you got it. Nobody wants you to harm yourself and harming yourself will not help anybody or solve anything. I hope you will focus on learning and moving forward instead of hurting yourself.

 

[CindyLou]

Sorry for another reply on this thread. Didn't want anymore... but she now sent me a new request on Skype with a different account and in the request she sent me the message "I didn't add you... you promised me something... I just wanted to be good friends... and now you hate me"
Is this possible on Skype or is she just manipulating me? I'm 100% sure I got a request from her old account and not sending one myself. I don't understand anything anymore. Why is she doing this now?

This is confusing. It's possible that perhaps maybe Skype added all her email contacts globally through some sort of setting that she changed maybe if she has a gmail, outlook or google account or something I have no idea, but I doubt it but even so, if she's concerned you might stalk her then why is she talking to you at all? She earlier says that she's concerned you will stalk her and now she's contacting you through another account. This is confusing behavior and you must leave her alone. Something isn't right about this so get away from her, now. I assume you have apologized and have shown remorse, right? You've done all you can do. There is nothing you can do. You can't make her forgive you but you can forgive yourself.

Basically, you need to just block her, move on and don't do it to anyone else again. You sound young. You messed up with her, but you aren't defined by the mistakes you make now if you don't continue to make them. What you did was wrong, yes. You were weak and made some mistakes but we all make mistakes. You displayed a lack of character and integrity yes, but you can build your character and integrity if you want to. Don't do shit like that anymore. Strive to be better. Tell yourself you do not want to be a person like this, make a promise to yourself to never do this again, forgive yourself and move on. Every time you think about lying to someone remember how you feel now and when you look back years from now as a person with better character and integrity you will know that with every mistake you make it's an opportunity to grow, learn and be a better person and that you're the type of person that learns from mistakes/failure. If you were tempted in this situation in the future what would you do differently? Visualize a different outcome. Visualize who you want to be and make a plan on how to get there. It's okay to fail when you don't fall down and stay down. All of us have made mistakes, all of us have been weak and all of us have hurt someone before. What we learned is that if you don't lie to people and justify bullshit logic then you don't get into these painful situations. Its a better lesson learned at 20 than it is at 50. How will you avoid this in the future? Next time you have the opportunity to deceive, think about how good you will feel when you choose not to. Think about the inner satisfaction and pride you'll feel in yourself knowing you have the power to control your future and who you will be.

Don't wallow in shame. Forgive yourself, promise not to do it again, separate who you are from your mistakes. It's okay to feel guilty, and it's good to feel guilty when we hurt others. When we feel guilt we are motivated not to feel that way ever again and it keeps us from continuing to make the same shitty mistakes but don't internalize that shit and think you can never be better and you're doomed for life to be a liar or whatever it is you think about yourself because it's not true if you don't do it anymore. It can't be true and you have the ability to not do things like this anymore. You do. Don't lie to yourself about your ability to be and do good. It's not too late to change. If you need help with this, talk to a therapist. Talk to someone. Just don't talk to her anymore. Let that go and leave it be. That's over. Learn from this.

I know this was pretty long winded. I'm sure there was a way to say this with less words but I don't know how. In any case, good luck.

 

[feelsbad]

You did ask for feedback, and you got it. Nobody wants you to harm yourself and harming yourself will not help anybody or solve anything. I hope you will focus on learning and moving forward instead of hurting yourself.

Sorry, didn't want to sound whiny. You're right.

This is confusing. It's possible that perhaps maybe Skype added all her email contacts globally through some sort of setting that she changed maybe if she has a gmail, outlook or google account or something I have no idea, but I doubt it but even so, if she's concerned you might stalk her then why is she talking to you at all? She earlier says that she's concerned you will stalk her and now she's contacting you through another account. This is confusing behavior and you must leave her alone. Something isn't right about this so get away from her, now. I assume you have apologized and have shown remorse, right? You've done all you can do. There is nothing you can do. You can't make her forgive you but you can forgive yourself.

Probably she is ambivalent somehow and doesn't want to be left? That's the only way I could explain this behavior. But I might be wrong (maybe I just wish this?), I'm not going to change her, but it's weird she isn't clearly saying what she really wants. I mean I asked her about 20 times in the last few weeks, even when we were still talking to each other. Often we were talking for hours like nothing happened and she showed no signals of being hurt, she gave me advice on my life, we talked about her problems, etc.
But always when I asked her if she wants to leave me, she suddenly stopped talking. Then she came back and just told about something different like I never asked.

What we learned is that if you don't lie to people and justify bullshit logic then you don't get into these painful situations. Its a better lesson learned at 20 than it is at 50. How will you avoid this in the future? Next time you have the opportunity to deceive, think about how good you will feel when you choose not to. Think about the inner satisfaction and pride you'll feel in yourself knowing you have the power to control your future and who you will be.

Thanks for being so nice not trying to judge me and instead give me some hope. I really appreciate this, because it's something I can try to build on.
I talked to my therapist today and she said I have a combined personality disorder with possible antisocial traits. Hit me really hard tbh, because it seemed like she didn't believe me I'm regretting anything and she also said it's probably not really helpful trying to treat this with analytical methods.

 

[t56hg2bv]

Antisocial personality disorder, also known as sociopathy, is a personality disorder, characterized by a long term pattern of disregard for, or violation of, the rights of others. An impoverished moral sense or conscience is often apparent, as well as a history of crime, legal problems, or impulsive and aggressive behavior.

Please shut down this thread. This is not the time or place to deal with this psychosis. Do not allow this to continue. I say this with the deepest empathy an compassion for all involved.

 

[t56hg2bv]

Sorry, didn't want to sound whiny. You're right.

Probably she is ambivalent somehow and doesn't want to be left? That's the only way I could explain this behavior. But I might be wrong (maybe I just wish this?), I'm not going to change her, but it's weird she isn't clearly saying what she really wants. I mean I asked her about 20 times in the last few weeks, even when we were still talking to each other. Often we were talking for hours like nothing happened and she showed no signals of being hurt, she gave me advice on my life, we talked about her problems, etc.
But always when I asked her if she wants to leave me, she suddenly stopped talking. Then she came back and just told about something different like I never asked.


Thanks for being so nice not trying to judge me and instead give me some hope. I really appreciate this, because it's something I can try to build on.
I talked to my therapist today and she said I have a combined personality disorder with possible antisocial traits. Hit me really hard tbh, because it seemed like she didn't believe me I'm regretting anything and she also said it's probably not really helpful trying to treat this with analytical methods.

So see a psychiatrist and treat it with medication. There is no reason to continue this thread.

 

[feelsbad]

Antisocial personality disorder

First of all: I wasn't recently diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder. Instead I have a combined personality disorder with antisocial and schizoid traits.

Please shut down this thread. This is not the time or place to deal with this psychosis. Do not allow this to continue. I say this with the deepest empathy an compassion for all involved.

Why do you want to censor this? I'm a human being, I have problems and I try to work on them and you can not just lock me away. Also not even ASPD would be a psychosis, it's labeled as a personality disorder which is totally different from a psychosis like schizophrenia.

So see a psychiatrist and treat it with medication. There is no reason to continue this thread.

There is no medical treatment known for treating antisocial traits.

 

[t56hg2bv]

First of all: I wasn't recently diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder. Instead I have a combined personality disorder with antisocial and schizoid traits.


Why do you want to censor this? I'm a human being, I have problems and I try to work on them and you can not just lock me away. Also not even ASPD would be a psychosis, it's labeled as a personality disorder which is totally different from a psychosis like schizophrenia.


There is no medical treatment known for treating antisocial traits.

Deal with it somewhere else. NOT HERE!

If you have a disorder and these types of issues then they need to be dealt with in a clinical environment not here. Don't put this on the people in this community as they are ill equipped to deal with the issue you are experiencing.

I don't believe most of what you are saying, your emphasis on a need for empathy is completely counter to what you are saying as a diagnosis. What I am suggesting is that you seek help in an area that IS equipped to deal with this issue. NOT HERE!

You have a criminal background, personality traits that are in line with a lack of compassion and empathy, a history of manipulating an INFJ woman, and a constant desire to get this community to agree with your behavior.

You say your english is a second language yet you are well versed in english when it comes to terminology of psychological disorders and how to communicate those very clearly. I dont believe you are naive or seeking sympathy but instead manipulation. Please cease and desist now.

 

[feelsbad]

Deal with it somewhere else. NOT HERE!

If you have a disorder and these types of issues then they need to be dealt with in a clinical environment not here. Don't put this on the people in this community as they are ill equipped to deal with the issue you are experiencing.

Is this your forum so you can decide who is welcome here and who not? You can still just skip this thread. I never asked you to read this? What do you want from me seriously?

I don't believe most of what you are saying, your emphasis on a need for empathy is completely counter to what you are saying as a diagnosis.

Do you think some bad traits make a person totally evil? Aren't you able to differentiate? Everyone has good and bad traits.

You say your english is a second language yet you are well versed in english when it comes to terminology of psychological disorders and how to communicate those very clearly. I dont believe you are naive or seeking sympathy but instead manipulation. Please cease and desist now.

Yeah, I'm hypochondriac and I had some cases of severe illnesses in my family also I'm interested in medicine. So that's why I know a little bit about diagnoses and classification systems. I live in Europe and you use ICD-10 as a classification here instead of DSM-5. Is really suspicious, right?
Never heard of such an hard task like reading classification systems and differentiate between details. I'm sorry to destroy your believes: But it's pretty easy. But thanks anyway for telling me a good English speaker.

Calm down, srsly.