If Dating Apps Were Honest

Tim dao said:
If you are a man you should learn about hypergamy and the nature of women. Dating apps are mostly useless for average men.
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Sounds like some toxic red pill shit.
 
Asa said:
I love your sense of humor. :tearsofjoy:
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:tearsofjoy: it's actually not easy to differentiate from the terrible twos thing they are both in intensive training for right now .....
 
A lot of people I know, including myself, met their spouses through online dating. I find that online dating isn't exclusive to apps that are marketed that way. Some have met through this forum, some through MySpace (that's where I met C) and others through social media.

I think people believe online dating is restricted to OK Cupid or Tinder. Too bad for them.
 
Pin said:
Here's a question for you. Am I wrong here?

Also, I'm happy that you're in a relationship dynamic that works for you Acd. I've always preferred introverted women because there's a sense of mystery there if that makes sense.
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I think you're wise not to buy into the red pill bullshit that so many younger men are latching onto these days.

Maybe we would solve some problems with more women leaders. But honestly women can also be terrible, too. Enough women are complicit in the patriarchy to keep things going (ex. Women who want to ban abortion.)

I think human beings are just inherently troubled when it comes to power. I also think we're in a weird adolescent-like stage in our evolution which makes us all brats and power amplifies that. Hopefully we overcome and evolve before we wipe ourselves off the planet.
 
John K said:
Online dating sites can work. My elder son met his long term partner through one. Mind you my younger son met his on a zombie walk - I’m waiting to see if it shows soon in their nearly two year old twins.


That’s not really how many of us introverts work. Both my wife and I are pretty introverted and we found it wonderful easy to relax and be ourselves in each other’s company when we first met at university. That was so important to both of us - not having to pretend.
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Up until my husband, I had just dated guys who would talk and I would listen. That's the dynamic I was used to. I mean I did have conversations with them, but for the most part, I did the listening. But my husband would call me on the phone at first and just ask a ton of questions and my thoughts on things and I had never had anyone ASK me things. (It wasn't like an interrogation though! lol) He would even ask about simple things no one really cares about. He was also easy to talk to once I realized he wanted to listen.
 
acd said:
Up until my husband, I had just dated guys who would talk and I would listen. That's the dynamic I was used to. I mean I did have conversations with them, but for the most part, I did the listening. But my husband would call me on the phone at first and just ask a ton of questions and my thoughts on things and I had never had anyone ASK me things. (It wasn't like an interrogation though! lol) He would even ask about simple things no one really cares about. He was also easy to talk to once I realized he wanted to listen.
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It’s so very important isn’t it, that being able to relax and be ourselves with each other?
 
acd said:
I remember not long ago listening to the horror stories my friend had of people she met through online dating sites. And then I wondered why it was that you couldn't leave reviews on profiles after dates. But apparently that's mean spirited.
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I'd love to leave a review about my catfisher. It might say "if I could give negative stars I would!"
 
I like the dating apps where you can write long profiles. It's hard for me to meet new people outside of my social circle and I don't like to date within my social circle.

I like to use voice clips to talk back and forth on dating apps and I'll usually only meet somebody after talking to them for 3-5 months online. If you are patient and take your time most "bad apples" will roll away because they're not really looking for long time companionship and will become frustrated by just getting to know each other without meeting for months on end. As much of bad experiences I've had I learned over time how to best avoid those types of folks.
 
acd said:
Up until my husband, I had just dated guys who would talk and I would listen. That's the dynamic I was used to. I mean I did have conversations with them, but for the most part, I did the listening. But my husband would call me on the phone at first and just ask a ton of questions and my thoughts on things and I had never had anyone ASK me things. (It wasn't like an interrogation though! lol) He would even ask about simple things no one really cares about. He was also easy to talk to once I realized he wanted to listen.
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Where were you on the night of Aug 30th. 2020? Why where your fingerprints found at the crime scene? Cherry or glazed?
 
Pin said:
Women also vary a lot individually; men too.
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Quite so. Generalities eradicate some of the best qualities we have. Weighing others as a collective whole feels real limiting.

I've never used a dating app and thus can't really speak to the experience.
I do know, though, that many of those I speak to express rampant distaste with them.

"I get matched, and apparently 'hi' is an icebreaker. Where's the depth?"

Longer profiles would definitely be a boon, though the culture of instant gratification would reduce it to a 'skim and forget it'; it would, however, serve as a great deterrent for those looking for something shallow and temporary. "Read this and at least try to get to know me, or gtfo."
 
yokai said:
Longer profiles would definitely be a boon, though the culture of instant gratification would reduce it to a 'skim and forget it'; it would, however, serve as a great deterrent for those looking for something shallow and temporary. "Read this and at least try to get to know me, or gtfo."
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OKCupid certainly allowed for this, encouraged it even, and many profiles said something exactly to that effect. I also liked that OKC gave an opportunity to answer (up to hundreds of) values-based questions regarding relationships, personal choices, moral stance, and so on.

Really reading a profile in depth and starting a discussion about some aspect(s) of it was rare, or so I was told. I was usually received well, but for some it was so outside of expectation that they assumed I was up to something.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

No worries, and in any case, my time with that sort of thing is over.

With the exception of two, every relationship I’ve been in since 1997 began online, but excepting one of those relationships, none began on a dating site.

Cheers,
Ian
 
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acd said:
Up until my husband, I had just dated guys who would talk and I would listen. That's the dynamic I was used to. I mean I did have conversations with them, but for the most part, I did the listening. But my husband would call me on the phone at first and just ask a ton of questions and my thoughts on things and I had never had anyone ASK me things. (It wasn't like an interrogation though! lol) He would even ask about simple things no one really cares about. He was also easy to talk to once I realized he wanted to listen.
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❤️❤️❤️

I'm so glad you have this.
 
aeon said:
... I was usually received well, but for some it was so outside of expectation that they assumed I was up to something.
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This is possibly one of the most interesting hiccups I still run into now, even outside of the dating scene.
How interesting it is that we've become so jaded when it comes to other people that, when others take a sincere interest in us, we oftentimes find our proverbial hackles raising. I suppose to a degree it's understandable, but still perplexing.
 
yokai said:
This is possibly one of the most interesting hiccups I still run into now, even outside of the dating scene.
How interesting it is that we've become so jaded when it comes to other people that, when others take a sincere interest in us, we oftentimes find our proverbial hackles raising. I suppose to a degree it's understandable, but still perplexing.
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I am quite guilty of this.
 
yokai said:
How interesting it is that we've become so jaded when it comes to other people that, when others take a sincere interest in us, we oftentimes find our proverbial hackles raising.
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I don’t do this. I usually get excited like a puppy who wants to play, oblivious to any reason my hackles should be raised.

Works for some, others less so...but I like talking with strangers, and combined with aspects of my ADHD, I can be a bit much if I have reason to be particularly enthused.

Cheers,
Ian
 
aeon said:
I don’t do this. I usually get excited like a puppy who wants to play, oblivious to any reason my hackles should be raised.
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I love this. I'm now smiling. Thank you for that.
On topic - intuitive-styled dating app, please, software developers?
 
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