I’m dumb for thinking this song is because of me.

[neko]

Lookin' at you, middle-aged women in high heels.

Newsflash: Just because you have a lollipop in the shape of a dick doesn't give you license to grab mine (a stranger), or squeeze my arm/ass at your convenience.

Ugh, dude.. I’m so sorry this happened to you. It’s totally unacceptable.

 

[Deleted member 16771]

This has happened to me. Once by a female. Once by a male. Very weird and uncomfortable...

Last time it happened to me was by a dude, too. Christmas before last.

It was a PE teacher we were on a night out with, and in the guise of 'banter', he was feeling guys' asses and then at one point grabbed my dick. We had to take him aside and tell him to chill the fuck out.

Funnily enough, that same night...

We were joined by another PE teacher from another school - a known 'player' and well-liked apparently, but I thought he was a dick. Anyway at some point during the night, he started to pressure my female friend (Geography teacher, would have been about 26 at the time, and had been in a relationship with her now-husband since she was 14; literally one of my best friends) into having sex with him. He kept dancing around her, telling her she was 'fit' and telling her he had a hotel room, despite all her protests. He just would not leave her alone. I missed all this, I don't know where I was while all this was going down - probably with dick-grabber and the others - but he had to be told to back off by the other guys in our group. My friend stuck very close to me for the rest of the night, because this creep just would not fuck off and he had a likable 'cheeky player' vibe according to the others. He wasn't dissuaded from his methods and ended up sleeping with one of our other friends for a while, who kept it all hush hush.

(P.S. Also on the same night we bumped into a literal paedophile - a young PE teacher who had been struck off for sleeping with a 17-year old student. He bought us all shots, and half of us were like 'this dude's a fucking paedo, why are we even talking to him?' while the others were strangely friendly with him. Weird night, man.)

So this would seem to support Asa's position.

 

[Sloe Djinn]

We don't know what he does that he isn't posting about. He does see her in person and has mentioned she is uncomfortable with his behavior when he sees her in person. I was trying to illustrate that tolerance for a behavior like obsession/potential stalking is opening the door to criminal behavior. He comes here* for reassurance that he can continue on this path. I was also trying to illustrate that being young is not an excuse to get away with being predatory.

Girls are held accountable for being abused, being raped, having unwanted pregnancies, etc: Is she pretty? Did she flirt? What was she wearing? She is "slutty". It was god's intent. While apologists say things like, "Boys will be boys," and, "He's just a kid!" People with real potential to harm are given slaps on the wrist, let off for good behavior, given second chances, etc, and girls and women die because society repeatedly lets boys and men off the hook. There is an attitude that men and boys can behave a certain way – in a predatory way – and that is allowed and women and girls must tolerate it, or that it is romantic, because boys will be boys and a guy who doesn't give up will eventually win the girl. If no harm comes from it, which happens sometimes, everything is OK. The woman is called 'extreme' or 'paranoid' or 'dramatic' for being worried or upset. If harm comes from it the woman is critically hurt (attacked or raped) or even killed. Even if the woman is raped she is the one on trial, not the male.

So, to this boy, I say STOP. You are headed down a path that is very dark. Leave her alone. If you don't leave her alone, I hope you get arrested. I care more about her safety than your age or your feelings.

*Unless he is a troll, then he's just a jerk using the classic dichotomy of male as predator/female as prey scenario for kicks, which is not acceptable, either.

Well-said. My previous post was kind of a text-based mindfulness bell because I’m so so cool and sage-like peoples’ responses suddenly started getting really emphatic. It’s apparent that this person’s thread opened a larger door as you guys start to discuss bigger societal issues that really do need to be discussed. You all have valid experiences. It inevitably gets messy when the discussion of such an issue gets mired in an example that gives minimal context.

 

[dragulagu]

Girls are held accountable for being abused, being raped, having unwanted pregnancies, etc: Is she pretty? Did she flirt? What was she wearing? She is "slutty". It was god's intent.

I know the reasoning behind it but the answer is simply No. So to the OP: if you go further by it, it's personal.

 

[MoonFlier]

I deleted my comment. I'm not comfortable sharing that much. Moonflier
It's good to know you choose siding with boys who have predatory behavior over the girls and women who suffer, and are afraid, and get hurt, or killed, because this behavior is considered acceptable and people are apologists. We'll simply have to agree that we're different kinds of people and keep out of each other's way.

Okay ?
*walks off a bit baffled*

ETA: You seem to have totally misread me, and I think you're overreacting due to something you've experienced in the past. I did not see your oversharing post before you removed it. I'm not upset with you at all, but apparently you are with me. Whatever it is, I wish you well and hope you can work though it.

 

[JennyDaniella]

But it's true!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh.. I’m so sorry Milky, sometimes I don’t know whether when you’re actually kidding around or not in the forum. My apologies.

So sorry you had to go through that. Nobody should ever be in a position to be in a situation like that. Some people have no absolute respect towards others whatsoever.

 

[Asa]

@neko Hugs and bubble hearts to you.

Also I don't think women & girls are any more accountable for this kind of behaviour. There are very little consequences for groping a guy in public - and this has happened to me plenty. I've had one 'stalker' who would ring me up crying begging to be with me, &c.. Of course the difference is that I never felt under any kind of physical threat, so the risks are definitely dissimilar.

Lookin' at you, middle-aged women in high heels.

Newsflash: Just because you have a lollipop in the shape of a dick doesn't give you license to grab mine (a stranger), or squeeze my arm/ass at your convenience.

@Deleted member 16771 I'm so sorry this has happened to you. I know men and boys are survivors and endure abuse and harassment as well. It is never OK to behave this way, regardless of genders involved. I'm sorry a girl who was emotionally or psychologically unbalanced harassed you in that way.
A million thanks for your support and rational point of view (including when we disagree) on this forum in general.

@Milktoast Bandit - Support to you as well. I'm really sorry you've endured this stuff. (Also, because you are so funny and silly much of the time, my response to you was different, but it doesn't mean my feelings about your pain are less.)

 

[Deleted member 16771]

Well-said. My previous post was kind of a text-based mindfulness bell because I’m so so cool and sage-like peoples’ responses suddenly started getting really emphatic. It’s apparent that this person’s thread opened a larger door as you guys start to discuss bigger societal issues that really do need to be discussed. You all have valid experiences. It inevitably gets messy when the discussion of such an issue gets mired in an example that gives minimal context.

Absolutely right. There's a lot of real pain here.

 

[Asa]

Well-said. My previous post was kind of a text-based mindfulness bell because I’m so so cool and sage-like peoples’ responses suddenly started getting really emphatic. It’s apparent that this person’s thread opened a larger door as you guys start to discuss bigger societal issues that really do need to be discussed. You all have valid experiences. It inevitably gets messy when the discussion of such an issue gets mired in an example that gives minimal context.

You are right, Sloe.



@Deleted member 16771 - What is up with the PE teachers over there? Yikes!

Though, at my high school there were teachers, including a PE teacher, who dated students and nobody ever spoke up. It didn't become taboo until the 90s. The PE teacher married the girl the summer after she graduated. Creep.

 

[Deleted member 16771]

Though, at my high school there were teachers, including a PE teacher, who dated students and nobody ever spoke up. It didn't become taboo until the 90s. The PE teacher married the girl the summer after she graduated. Creep.

That literally happened at the school I taught at.

PE teacher married his former student, and then tried to cheat with my friend (same friend from above). He seemed perfectly normal to most people. The young paedo guy was from before my time. I have no idea what's going on, but they tend to have a different relationship to the students for some reason; more 'matey'.

P.S. Thanks for your kind words, @Asa, I feel the same about you

 

[Asa]

That literally happened at the school I taught at.

PE teacher married his former student, and then tried to cheat with my friend (same friend from above). He seemed perfectly normal to most people. The young paedo guy was from before my time. I have no idea what's going on, but they tend to have a different relationship to the students for some reason; more 'matey'.

P.S. Thanks for your kind words, @Asa, I feel the same about you

<3 <3

I can see that. They seem more like pals. They don't give grades. They encourage students to push themselves to their limits, so it is easier to bond. It doesn't make it more appropriate.

 

[Daustus]

I'm puzzled by the 2 year gap in posts and the same type of posts consistently showing up. I worry we're being trolled.

 

[Misty]

That's a bit rough. What has he done to deserve being arrested? Was there something in another thread about him stalking her?

Sounds to me, if he is indeed 21 and has been coming here randomly over the 2 years his profile shows just to ask the same basic question, that he has no friends to set him straight.
I won't disagree that he could use some therapy. I can't think of a single person who couldn't benefit from some, but to me it sounds like a cry of loneliness. A dose of reality and learning from some clear minded folk in his day to day life would help.

This^

 

[Deleted member 16771]

I'm puzzled by the 2 year gap in posts and the same type of posts consistently showing up. I worry we're being trolled.

This is just my opinion, but...

I don't think we're being 'trolled'. With regard to the posts, I think this individual is probably posting on many forums about this, hoping (probably subconsciously) to get the engagement and validation of his obsession. Talking about it makes the fantasy real, but naturally having people tell you repeatedly to go to a counsellor is less appealing, so he moves on.

 

[Pin]

This is just my opinion, but...

I don't think we're being 'trolled'. With regard to the posts, I think this individual is probably posting on many forums about this, hoping (probably subconsciously) to get the engagement and validation of his obsession. Talking about it makes the fantasy real, but naturally having people tell you repeatedly to go to a counsellor is less appealing, so he moves on.

OP is doing it all wrong.

 

[Milktoast Bandit]

Though, at my high school there were teachers, including a PE teacher, who dated students and nobody ever spoke up. It didn't become taboo until the 90s. The PE teacher married the girl the summer after she graduated. Creep

This happened at my school! Except it was an English teacher that married a student right after she graduated (they were married for several years, had kids together) then divorced and the same guy married another student right after she graduated!

 

[Milktoast Bandit]

Last time it happened to me was by a dude, too. Christmas before last.

Both of mine happened at different times and different locations, but both happened after my band finished playing a gig. The guy was a regular at this music club we used to play at and I kind of knew him. He made his own clothes, and that's an important details because I need a reason to say he was dressed like a dude in a barbershop quartet lol Anyway, I was talking to him at the bar and pointed and said, "what is he doing?" When I turned to look he got a handful of awesome sausage.

The other time was when my band finished playing at a party. I was in a relationship and didn't need to or care to do the "womanizing" shit after gigs like a couple of the other guys. I was standing in a circle with my band mates and a couple girls. Apparently, I wasn't involved in their conversations enough and one of the girls, told me to lighten up and got a handful of awesome sausage. Both instances we extremely awkward and unwelcomed. I feel for people that have experienced much worse than I have. I wouldn't say what I experienced was traumatic at all. Just really bizarre. It's strange to think that people think that stuff is ok. Welp. That's enough of that!

 

[Milktoast Bandit]

Oh.. I’m so sorry Milky, sometimes I don’t know whether when you’re actually kidding around or not in the forum. My apologies.

So sorry you had to go through that. Nobody should ever be in a position to be in a situation like that. Some people have no absolute respect towards others whatsoever.

@Milktoast Bandit - Support to you as well. I'm really sorry you've endured this stuff. (Also, because you are so funny and silly much of the time, my response to you was different, but it doesn't mean my feelings about your pain are less.)

No worries guys! I wasn't upset or offended at all! Thanks for the sympathies, but I'm fine! I guess, in the future, it would be wise to assume that I'm dead serious about everything I say!

 

[Misty]

I have stories for days - a creep magnet, since age 12 when suddenly I looked older than 12. Though that didn't make creepy remarks & leers from 56 year old dudes any yummier. Or the night two guys followed me all the way home after seeing me at a stop light and screaming intellectual things at me like "hey sexy" "where ya goin, baby" at each consecutive light, forcing me to pull into a crowded parking lot to ditch them and not lead them to my house. Frightening, even though I was 32 when this occurred.

But @Milktoast Bandit story reminds me of Mysteryland music festival in Amsterdam 2017. We were standing in huge crowds dancing as Armin Van Buuren was performing. It was extraordinarily hot out and I needed water. So I was doing that "movie theater" side slide to get out and a guy I passed in front of just grabbed me by my hips from behind and started dancing up against me as if it was our honeymoon. 0.0 These are the light stories. It is indeed weird being a woman, sometimes.

 

[JennyDaniella]

I have stories for days - a creep magnet, since age 12 when suddenly I looked older than 12. Though that didn't make creepy remarks & leers from 56 year old dudes any yummier. Or the night two guys followed me all the way home after seeing me at a stop light and screaming intellectual things at me like "hey sexy" "where ya goin, baby" at each consecutive light, forcing me to pull into a crowded parking lot to ditch them and not lead them to my house. Frightening, even though I was 32 when this occurred.

But @Milktoast Bandit story reminds me of Mysteryland music festival in Amsterdam 2017. We were standing in huge crowds dancing as Armin Van Buuren was performing. It was extraordinarily hot out and I needed water. So I was doing that "movie theater" side slide to get out and a guy I passed in front of just grabbed me by my hips from behind and started dancing up against me as if it was our honeymoon. 0.0 These are the light stories. It is indeed weird being a woman, sometimes.

Eeesh... I’m really sorry you had to go through that Misty... Being followed and hollered/whistled at is so fucking disgusting and horrible.

Rarely go to dances/festivals, but my friends took me surprise clubbing for my 23rd birthday and I remembered why I hated clubbing in the first place. Never again.

Had too many instances of being cat-called and shouted such derogatory terms, and each time it happened, it felt so gross and awful afterwards. Actually mentioned it one time on the forum last year that I got cat-called when I was minding my own business at this gas station when this random dude asked me “if I got a man” and gave me this most creepy stare and smile. *shivers*

Other times it was men that would shout from their cars as I’m walking by or even when I’m in my own effin car! Absolutely repulsive.