INFJ advice on dating

C

clarion4

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INTJ
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Hi,

I'm an INTJ, who has been talking to a woman for a few weeks online. We are going to meet in a few days. As you probably are aware INTJs aren't very good at picking up on signals, flirting etc. As an INFJ how would I know that you have interest in me? Also what are your thoughts as an INFJ on holding hands or kissing on a first date? Any other comments on the subject are welcomed. Thanks in advance and wish me luck!
 
Wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait... Your profile says that you're female - is that right? That miiiiiiight just be a piece of information you'd like to include in a post like this!
 
I am terrible at dating advice but one thing I will tell you is that when I like someone I tend to be pretty obvious about it. I don't know about other INFJs but I tend to let people know when I like them whether it's romantically or as a friend. If you're not picking up signals then INFJs should be able to pick up some of yours. You can be direct with them and it should work out. But in my experience it's taken me a few at length conversations to really get a flow going with INTJs that I know.

Anyway. Like I said I am bad at dating advice but I wish you luck and I hope it goes well!
 
Go somewhere and just start reading and ignoring her. She will love you.
 
corndogman said:
Go somewhere and just start reading and ignoring her. She will love you.
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ROFL!!!

Unfortunately - everyone is a stumbler in the beginning. After several years of internet dating I always ask myself if the person I'm meeting would make a good friend should the "date" part go awry, and not to my liking at all. And nowadays, I don't even think I would call my initial date a "date" - although some websites insist that getting together for coffee is "a first date." ( I don't think so.)

You'll just have to find your "groove" but I suggest you look up some of the things on the 'net that tell INTJ's how to strengthen their own natural weakenesses (with "anybody" - not just women) then you will be on a good foot to start. (you certainly won't turn her "off"! Then you can ease into some finesse for dating.)
It's all a process.

A consistent tugging-at-the-heartstrings as friends as things go along means you're REALLY off to a good start (unless you quickly become co-dependent. That's not a good start for anything in particular.)
 
wow...INFJ males sound really really scaaaaary!

*runs*


the only piece of advice I feel confident enough to give is that if you are considering making a move, holding hands, kissing etc, as an INFJ I would want to be pretty sure that I wanted that to happen. If it happened and I had definitely not given any signal or indication that I wanted it too, I'd feel pretty uncomfortable if someone just randomly held my hand or kissed me.

My space is important to me, and if I'm going to allow you into my space then I'm definitely going to make it clear.
 
Sali said:
I just stare into her soul without saying a word and then she takes her pants off ;)
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[MENTION=3255]Sali[/MENTION]

Do you happen to have a gun in your hand when you do this?
 
clarion4,

listen actively, smile, be nice in general.
the holding hands/kissing on the first date would creep me out, unless i'm on a date with someone ridiculously good-looking or like, a soulmate where it feels like you've known the person forever.

infjs like meaning. correct me if i'm wrong, but i don't think infjs are the one-night-stand type. i'm not, at least. not saying that that's what you're trying to do at all; just kind of trying to describe infjs and dating.

basically, i want every connection to the people i meet to meaaan something.
 
Alright the OP asked a serious question so I feel it's only fair to give a serious answer.
Also being that it is a woman you're set to see my opinions on the issue may be slanted in the wrong directions. So make sure you weight what the women in this thread have to say more heavily than what I do.

But as far as INTJ-INFJ communication goes one thing I would advise is to be careful of your word usage, INTJs from my observation tend to speak extremely literally. So some subtle difference in word usage or terminology can be picked up on and blown way out of proportion since INFJs seem to speak more metaphorically. To me flirting is just playful, not sure really how to describe it I like to use sort of overblown romantic sarcasm at times when I like someone.

As far as the holding hands and kissing on the first date thing, I personally love it assuming I'm into the woman, but than again I'm a hopeless romantic so that's a big part of it. Make sure she's giving you the proper signals though if you do decide to go that route. (Yes I know this is part of the trouble you have >_<). Basically "open" body language is good, a certain kind of looking into your eyes, and lots of real smiling, and a general overall sense of her intentions. It's sort of hard to explain, you just know XD.
 
aerosol said:
the holding hands/kissing on the first date would creep me out
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[MENTION=3615]aerosol[/MENTION]

Really?

Out of curiosity, for everyone (and somewhat pertaining to this thread itself), what do you consider more abnormal: Kissing before holding hands or holding hands before kissing?
 
Holding hands before kissing is weird. I consider hand holding to be an intimate gesture between a couple.

I follow a Give-the-Guy-at-Least-One-Kiss route irl. How else are you going to know if there is anything to work with if you don't at least let a guy kiss you once? Now the second kiss, that is a whole other story.
 
Um, she is meeting with you, that is interest!

If she agrees to meet for a second date, that is definitely interest.

Some INFJs are obvious, some don't show any signs at all, but I'm sure that if you are able to get a 2nd date that it means a lot. Actually, getting even the first date means a lot.

But if she isn't the obvious type, then you'll just have to talk to her.
 
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