INFJ and bullying

thank god my introvert side is well hidden.
as in " the silent man " by dream theater,

"Pray they won't ask
Behind the stained glass
There's always one more mask"

Everyone sees me as an extrovert but when I'm really stressed, I cant put up the mask at all and just show the Introvert side. Good thing is though, noone really attacks me when I decide to show my intovert side. My build is there from swimming so.. :becky:

why not learn some self defense techniques?
might help to whack them around a little to show them you're not someone that can be messed around with .

theres a thread on this in the lounge ;)
 
efromm said:
LOL then obviously you have never been on the ground getting the crap kicked outta ya by a bunch of kids. I set up plenty of boundaries no one cared. I was a pussy to them and when there was just me. That's all there was. And as an adult when you voice your opinions your called bossy or an asshole. It's a no win situation. Our passions can get us into trouble because others don't see it as passion just an assertive jerk shooting off his mouth... I don't know exactly why I am even explaining this... All I can say is I feel this mans pain. No one deserves to be beaten up by anyone! Mentally or physically it's wrong! And the damage done to us by others is unjustified! Like me or hate me, I really don't give a FUCK!...
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Again agreed my passion has betrayed me before and people use that as a weakness.

Thats another issue that is rather vexing. When you stand up for yourself many see this as blowing up or being a jerk. When really your just saying what needs to be said.


Anymore thought I've learned if I don't say something people will walk all over me. So it makes me like a jerk so be it. Thats not me thats what people think they see in me. I have had to really stop caring so much about others or at least when it comes to myself.
 
actually I'm glad I found this thread, because I was going to start one that I think instead fits here: At what point does your "fuse" go out? In other words, what is your tolerance level before you defend your self shocking others around you. Even though we INFJ's hate confrontation, as human beings we all have a breaking point you know?
 
blueflame said:
actually I'm glad I found this thread, because I was going to start one that I think instead fits here: At what point does your "fuse" go out? In other words, what is your tolerance level before you defend your self shocking others around you. Even though we INFJ's hate confrontation, as human beings we all have a breaking point you know?
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There is no breaking point. INFJs will go to hell and back long before they ever break. An INFJ has to choose between confrontation or suffering.

INFJs do have a burn out point. If an INFJ has reached that point, then its not pretty...depression, anxiety, apathy, isolation, etc.
 
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I would venture to say INFJ's are bullied more frequently because they prefer harmony. Unfortunately, bullies take this as a sign of weakness to exploit. I imagine it would take a while before an INFJ finally snapped and returned the favors.

I know as an INTJ, if somebody bullies me, I bully them right back. Haven't had much of a problem with bullies. :P
 
I have snapped before poor bastard got his ass handed to him on a plate. Felt pretty good beating his ass too. I liked it alot. People tended to leave me alone after said beating until they ganged up on me as a group. I got all them back one at a time later. I will stick up for anyone who I think is being picked on now. I hate bullies. The problem is you have to learn to not give a damn what people think it is weird at first although the older I got the easier it was to say piss off and leave me alone. I wanted to get along with everyone until the assholes came along and changed my plans. In the end it was better to learn that lesson young. I don't let myself get into that situation anymore. As an adult you can control who and where you hang out. I prefer a few good friends a beer and a smoke.. Will still avoid the fight but will swing without hesitation if you want to throw down now. Instead of my patented lay on the floor like a kick ball while you kick the shit outta me. lol
 
I think that's why we tend to be the target for bullying. We are quiet/warm people and that tends to make people think we're "different" from "normal".
And "normal" people don't really.. I guess you could say.. like.. "different" people.
I grew up being the main bullying target at school and at home and basically everywhere. And I've even been told to my face that it's because I'm "quiet and different and abnormal".
 
That really sucks. I have walked in your shoes many miles. It really sucks because you are always trying to figure out what you did wrong so you can fix it and you never realize it's you! Its just you being yourself that makes them want to hate you. And there is nothing you can do about it other than to stand up on your own two feet and let it be known that you won't take it anymore. Which hurts you again because you don't want to be like that. Sometimes I just feel like I am just going around hurting myself all the time it's one of the main reasons I am alone as much as possible. Dealing with people hurts me...
 
I've always wished I was able to stand up for myself when I'm being teased or bullied. And be able to get back up on my feet. But it's always been my weakness. Which is probably why I was always such an easy target. And I think it'll always be my weakness.
 
some how I just let in happen I don't know when I am hopeful you will experience the same thing I did. I completely understand how you feel. It can be lonely at times. I wish I had a place like this when I was younger it would have been nice to know that I am really not alone. And that I am not so strange.
 
Oh yes, a place like this would of been just what I needed back then. To talk to people similar to me and who were going through the same thing. It would of been like an escape from the cruel world. It would of definitely of been what we all needed. =3

I did though have a website I used as my escape from the world during High School. And it's actually where I met my best friend.
 
Forgotten Rose said:
I've always wished I was able to stand up for myself when I'm being teased or bullied. And be able to get back up on my feet. But it's always been my weakness. Which is probably why I was always such an easy target. And I think it'll always be my weakness.
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That's why you need an NT. ;)
 
Ahh...bullies. Bullies are just people with huge insecurities and lack of respect for others. We do get targeted for bullying because we 'look' like the type that's easy to use and abuse.

But the real question is, "what are you going to do about it?" The INFJ will always be looked upon as the weirdo because we just naturally stand out even when we don't want to. They don't like someone who's different because it makes them look back on their Identities so they pick on the one completely different to make themselves feel stronger. If you don't do anything, they'll see you as easy. If you do, they think you're an arrogant fool. But since when did their biased, one-sided opinion matter?

I was a magnet for bullies when I was young. I tolerated it for a while because I didn't want to hurt anyone. But then I snapped and beat the crap out of those bullies. Did they stop? NO. It agitated them and they ganged up on me. I fought back, they all lost. Ten to one and they lost...every time. I got scolded by the teachers for fighting since the bullies ran to them but when I told my case, they realized their mistake and feared me.

But the psychological bullying didn't. My mother was responsible for that. All throughout my growing years I was pushed and shaped by her to become someone like her, a prideful and domineering ESFJ because she saw my character as weak and complex.

I nearly turned into her but instead, turned into a Dark INTP or Dark ENFJ until my friends helped me stabilize and returned to being an INFJ.
 
I think sometimes INFJs can blend in. Internally we may feel we stand out, but externally, we may give very well to blending. Especially those INFJs who are very socially aware and tap into other people, I imagine they'd be better able to blend in, even if they're still thought of as quiet.
 
Vagrant said:
That's why you need an NT. ;)
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Exactly. NT's are the solutions to most problems.

In reality, when I was in middle school I got bullied a lot. The esoteric mind of an ENTP wielded by someone who was not yet running at full capacity was a recipe for disaster.

But when I got older (ie. 14-15+) I learned that everyone was just as scared, if not more scared than I was. Then I got endless hours of enjoyment by turning the bullies' games back around on themselves. Nothing quite as satisfying as watching someone who showed up to make you foolish, walk away feeling foolish themselves, and not knowing how it happened.

Now, it is one of my few truly soft spots. Nothing infuriates me like meatheads and douchebags bagging on the deeper among us. So, I get to go full on ENTP on them.

Hey, there are some of us that don't mind taking bullies on... we even like it.
 
Now that I'm older and have more control over who I see in my environment, if someone really oversteps the mark, I just let them have it. I make sure that I point their behaviour out to them as I'm yelling though so they know that they have contibuted to my outburst and I'm not a psycho.

I never knew about setting boundaries - I thought in a polite society, everyone knew what the boundaries were and I didn't have to delineate them - but no - some people are natural born sociopaths!

I got fed up with having my feelings trmapled on - and after going over and over things in my mind to see how I could have caused them to want to target me, I discovered that it doesn't make any difference if I'm nice and I don't rock the boat and hold my anger in or if I lose my temper in the most outrageous way possible - either way - some people will still treat me badly and I'm never going to win their approval.

It's actually quite cathartic to explode when pushed Indigo - it makes you feel better as long as you know you never want to see the person again.
 
Satya said:
Personally I think a lot of INFJs bring it on themselves. If you don't set clear boundaries then there will be people who will infringe on your rights and treat you poorly. An INFJ, because of their silent and relatively laid back nature, must choose not to be passive, but rather to seek to be assertive in their dealings with others.
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Definitely true, for me it is a conscious effort to be more assertive in the way I conduct myself. Although I have practiced martial arts and am more than capable of handling myself physically, I still must make a very conscious decision in my day to day dealings with people. So as to never become the person whom people will inevitably target, because when it comes down to it I donot like hurting people. This mentallity is especially important since I joined the Army.
 
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i guess the fact that we're empathetic people in a sense...and bullies i guess tend to think that, that is a weak point so they go after us...

but if they come after me, hurt me or my friends i'll knock their lights out...sorry but i can't just sit around and let them take advantage of me.
 
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