INFJ and sex.

I don't have casual sex. I'll have casual hookups (making out, that is... isn't it funny how everyone has a different definition of "hookup?") but never anything truly intimate with anyone who isn't my boyfriend... or in recent cases, a really close friend.

I've been really thinking about this and I realized something. I take care of and very much value my body. If I've just met that person, I feel really uncomfortable with the idea of a stranger touching me the same way as someone who respects and loves me. I don't judge others for what they do with their bodies, but I know what feels right and what doesn't feel right for me.
 
TheDaringHatTrick said:
I don't have casual sex. I'll have casual hookups (making out, that is... isn't it funny how everyone has a different definition of "hookup?") but never anything truly intimate with anyone who isn't my boyfriend... or in recent cases, a really close friend.

I've been really thinking about this and I realized something. I take care of and very much value my body. If I've just met that person, I feel really uncomfortable with the idea of a stranger touching me the same way as someone who respects and loves me. I don't judge others for what they do with their bodies, but I know what feels right and what doesn't feel right for me.
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I do the same thing with my spirit. When I've just met someone, I feel really uncomfortable with the idea of a stranger touching my spirit, which is what I feel when I physically touch someone. For me, physical contact causes spiritual contact, and in direct intensity to the nature of the contact.
 
I let this thought simmer for a moment, and need to clarify something that is unspoken for me.

I seek spiritual affection, something so much more amazing than physical affection could ever be.

For me, that's why I have any kind of physical intimacy, the ecstasy of spiritual affection. I think that's why we have a different definition of 'hooking up' that focuses on the spiritual connection rather than the sexual. It's far more fulfilling for me to 'make love' to someone by just kissing and petting in a way that invokes spiritual affection where two people are rubbing their souls together than to have sex with someone whom I don't connect with - which is why I won't bother.

But, when I can make love to someone spiritually and physically... nothing beats that.
 
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Von Hase said:
For me, that's why I have any kind of physical intimacy, the ecstasy of spiritual affection. I think that's why we have a different definition of 'hooking up' that focuses on the spiritual connection rather than the sexual. It's far more fulfilling for me to 'make love' to someone by just kissing and petting in a way that invokes spiritual affection where two people are rubbing their souls together than to have sex with someone whom I don't connect with - which is why I won't bother.
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Well said. There's nothing like a spiritual/soul connection. It's very powerful.
 
TheDaringHatTrick said:
I I feel really uncomfortable with the idea of a stranger touching me the same way as someone who respects and loves me. I don't judge others for what they do with their bodies, but I know what feels right and what doesn't feel right for me.
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Exactly. I feel uncomfortable with people who hug and touch other people although they are not specially close. Or the one that comes to close during conversation. Letting someone I don't know well to be intimate to me, would be awkard and agressive for my sense of privacy.
 
I have never had casual sex, I HIGHLY doubt I ever could/will.
 
I can have casual sex, and have.

I think this has a lot to do with certain aspects of an INFJ. FOr one such as me who has been...abused...It is easy to shut off the emotional side of sex, I dont speak for any others who may have been abused this way, but for me...I cant detatch myself and just enjoy a purely physical carnal act.

Does love make the sex better...Absolutely.
 
Entyqua said:
I can have casual sex, and have.

I think this has a lot to do with certain aspects of an INFJ. FOr one such as me who has been...abused...It is easy to shut off the emotional side of sex, I dont speak for any others who may have been abused this way, but for me...I cant detatch myself and just enjoy a purely physical carnal act.

Does love make the sex better...Absolutely.
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:-(
 
Entyqua said:
I can have casual sex, and have.

I think this has a lot to do with certain aspects of an INFJ. FOr one such as me who has been...abused...It is easy to shut off the emotional side of sex, I dont speak for any others who may have been abused this way, but for me...I cant detatch myself and just enjoy a purely physical carnal act.

Does love make the sex better...Absolutely.
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I second this.
 
Jana said:
Exactly. I feel uncomfortable with people who hug and touch other people although they are not specially close. Or the one that comes to close during conversation. Letting someone I don't know well to be intimate to me, would be awkard and agressive for my sense of privacy.
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Yep, i feel the same. I always find it difficult to watch others be very touchy/feely when they're not involved. It seems a bit too familiar. And even hugging someone just to be polite sometimes feels uncomfortable.
 
I've never had casual sex and I don't see it happening anywhere in the near future. I've made out with 'casual' strangers but even then it's not really something I enjoy. Sex and intimacy are about respect and love to me. If the relationship with the other person doesn't fill those, my chances at being intimate are pretty darn low.
 
slant said:
I don't know, sex is just sex. It's all the same to me.
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You've had sex? I thought you were asexual and didn't have any spectacular interest in that arena.

Huh.
 
rnd1231 said:
Not sure if there's been a previous thread like this, but regardless:
I saw a post in a different thread that made me seriously contemplate the INFJ on sex. The statement said something along the lines of INFJ not having sex until true love was established. Is this correct for you? Does love have to be a factor in your sex life? Marriage? Or is casual sex an OK option, too?

(Open to all types, not just INFJ)
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In the past I've always waited until I really knew them and felt a deep connection with them before sex. And I'd always want there to be at least some potential for marriage material there.
Now I'm a little less strict with myself, though I still like to know her a bit before we get physical. It's just better that way.

I know that I'll eventually (and soon) become bored and unsatisfied with dating around, but until then, I'm feeling fine with not getting too attached (and making sure they feel the same) and just accepting it as an experience where I can learn about different people and let things go! :m059:
 
TheDaringHatTrick said:
I thought you were asexual and didn't have any spectacular interest in that arena.
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No, that's probably me you're tinking about. :)

For me sex, and love and truth all need to coexist....I have trouble subdividing myself. Haven't run into that combo, so no sex for me. I'm fine with that!!!
 
In the 2nd to last episode of House one character says

"Emotion is emotion, sex is mechanical" I agree, but Sex with emotion is better then both emotion and emotionless sex.
 
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