INFJ = Emotional Black Holes?

[Bored Now]

I'm not a black hole. My heart is as open as a field of flowers. But if I sense you're trying to uproot my garden, I will throw up walls while you sleep and turn it into a maze. You won't escape until I've thoroughly confused you. Or something. Or maybe its more of a spider web. Looks like there's nothing there's nothing there until you're already stuck. Then its too late.

I freaking hate metaphors.

 

[Wyst]

I'm not a black hole. My heart is as open as a field of flowers. But if I sense you're trying to uproot my garden, I will throw up walls while you sleep and turn it into a maze. You won't escape until I've thoroughly confused you. Or something. Or maybe its more of a spider web. Looks like there's nothing there's nothing there until you're already stuck. Then its too late.

I freaking hate metaphors.

You don't like metaphors? If you're an INFJ, that's crazy!
That's like someone saying, "I hate vowels!" hehe

Puns are different though. Nasty puns....

 

[Exodus]

I'm not a black hole. My heart is as open as a field of flowers. But if I sense you're trying to uproot my garden, I will throw up walls while you sleep and turn it into a maze. You won't escape until I've thoroughly confused you. Or something. Or maybe its more of a spider web. Looks like there's nothing there's nothing there until you're already stuck. Then its too late.

I freaking hate metaphors.

I feel like an INTJ would construct some sort of helicoptor out of nothing and fly out. Oh.. Did I mention the helicoptor has MISSILES?!!!

 

[Bored Now]

I feel like an INTJ would construct some sort of helicoptor out of nothing and fly out. Oh.. Did I mention the helicoptor has MISSILES?!!!

Puh-leeze. INTJ boys are the ones who get lost the most. "This simply isn't logical. This maze makes no sense, but I LIKE it.." I usually have to cut a hole in a hedge or two to show them the light and force them out.

 

[Exodus]

You are correct. We would just stay inside and try to figure everything out, what it means, and how it applies to something.

 

[Bored Now]

Hmm I think I should kidnap an INTJ. I forgot how fun you lot are.... *Makes plans to stalk the Halls of CalTech to capture a skittish INTJ*

 

[Blind Bandit]

Hmm I think I should kidnap an INTJ. I forgot how fun you lot are.... *Makes plans to stalk the Halls of CalTech to capture a skittish INTJ*

I thought you where done with NT guys.ROFL

Maybe not

And we aren't black holes. You just have to be good to us and we will open up. It might take a while.

 

[gloomy-optimist]

I love INTJs The ones on the internet try to sound so robotic, but most of them in real life are weird and funny and all manners of interesting things

 

[Jayce]

You know, I actually used to not even think of myself as an emotional person. I didn't even really express emotions to myself -- I know now that I feel emotions very deeply and am an emotional person, but I'm very controlled, very careful, and very steadfast...

Is that common for INFJs? To be "emotional" but not so at the same time?

It wasn't until recently that it occurred to me that I'm actually very emotional and sensitive and I had been going about thinking just the opposite. I feel many things but I have an extremely hard time sharing my feelings with others. For example, I had a close friend that I started dating. She knew me better than anyone else on the planet but she still said "I feel like I know nothing about you." I opened up to her about my inner thoughts and workings. One day she asked about why I never drink and I couldn't explain it to her (childhood issue). Words just wouldn't come out. I became pretty sad but held back my tears and withdrew. I was quiet for the rest of our time together that day. Even though she wanted to know, I didn't feel comfortable sharing my emotions.

The same thing happened on several other occasions with her. She was the kind of girl who liked talking through issues but this is difficult for me. When she confronted me about an email I sent her expressing my worries about our relationship she said she was insulted and angry that I didn't tell her in person. However, I felt that by writing what was going through my head it would come out more coherent then if I had said it. She insisted on having a sit down conversation about it and when she asked what was wrong all I could say was "I don't know..." I KNEW there was a problem. But I couldn't describe it to her and if I had I'm sure she wouldn't have understood what I was saying anyway.

She was prone to telling me "You're not making any sense!" It did in my head though...

 

[gloomy-optimist]

Oh yes...I can relate to much of that, Jayce. It's difficult

Part of my problem is that I don't want to draw attention to that side of myself, and the other part is that I don't want to see them take on that negativity -- if I'm discussing my problems with someone who is unemotional, but attentive, then I can do it, sometimes with ease. But it I get any sort of negative reaction from a person, then I pick up on that and feed off that, and it becomes very difficult...

People find that difficult to understand, I think.

 

[midnightmelody]

To be honest, I talk about my feelings a lot.
Usually because I have to talk it out to make sense of what in the world I actually am feeling. Not to anyone of course, though.
But in a way, it is likely that I censor my emotions so I don't sound so puny.

 

[VH]

In my case...

Feelings are applied to me. I process them, and come to acceptance or a solution. If I accept them, there is no need to mention anything. If I come to a solution, I will begin acting on the solution - at which point I often neglect to tell anyone my plan because I feel that this is the right thing for everyone, so obviously, everyone already knows.

This is a classic INFJ failing. Introverted Intuition is future focused. The past and the present are secondary.

Sometimes however, if my feelings become too strong, I am afraid to let them out because they will conflict with how I feel things should be. For example, I feel that there should be peace and tranquility. If I let out my anger, I will be acting in opposition to how I feel things should be, and therefore I don't.

In essence, our Fe has twice the weight of our Fi. Our internal feelings have to be twice as strong as how we feel things should be in order to override them if they are in opposition. However, if they are congruent, we can talk about our feelings all day long.

 

[midnightmelody]

yeah! I can't fathom how any infj wouldn't like metaphors.

I thrive on them.

 

[Billy]

I usually try to express them but when I do the words get stuck in my mouth and I have a hard time explaining myself. So sometimes its just easier to say nothing or lie.

 

[Milon]

I'll take a crack at this.

First of all, Fe demands that we keep the peace and not rock the boat. INFJ's are highly aware of how different we are, so we're naturally cautious to be different around others. It really has to be someone we trust. A lot. Someone who won't be too upset, and won't upset us with their response.

Now, like Von Hase said, it has to be really strong inside before coming out. Think of a hurricane in slow motion. When people want to look inside us, understand our emotions, they're asking us to open the door to the hurricane. They want to be able to pin down, take apart, and understand it. But it's too ethereal - it's here, no it's there, no it's all around me! They ask what size and shape it is, but that's always changing. I can tell how powerful it is, and generally what direction it's going, but you just can't nicely define a hurricane. You can't define or contain the INFJ emotions. I don't want to say "stop trying" - just please understand that it's very nebulous, but quite powerful. Some people can't withstand the force of it, others will want to confront it. We'd rather just keep it to ourselves.

That's my attempt at it. I don't know how accurate it is. This is my first attempt at defining how we work on an emotional level. I'll know better when I see others reacting to it - that's Fe.

INFJ's have a great lense on other people, like a telescope. But what happens when you look through the other end? Everything gets really distant and hard to examine. Thus, "I don't know" is an extremely valid, though unhelpful, response.

 

[myself]

I'll take a crack at this.

First of all, Fe demands that we keep the peace and not rock the boat. INFJ's are highly aware of how different we are, so we're naturally cautious to be different around others. It really has to be someone we trust. A lot. Someone who won't be too upset, and won't upset us with their response.

Now, like Von Hase said, it has to be really strong inside before coming out. Think of a hurricane in slow motion. When people want to look inside us, understand our emotions, they're asking us to open the door to the hurricane. They want to be able to pin down, take apart, and understand it. But it's too ethereal - it's here, no it's there, no it's all around me! They ask what size and shape it is, but that's always changing. I can tell how powerful it is, and generally what direction it's going, but you just can't nicely define a hurricane. You can't define or contain the INFJ emotions. I don't want to say "stop trying" - just please understand that it's very nebulous, but quite powerful. Some people can't withstand the force of it, others will want to confront it. We'd rather just keep it to ourselves.

INFJ's have a great lense on other people, like a telescope. But what happens when you look through the other end? Everything gets really distant and hard to examine. Thus, "I don't know" is an extremely valid, though unhelpful, response.

Very nice image with the hurricane, and a good telescope analogy too.

"I don't know" happens a lot.

I'm trying to grow out of using that phrase. Trying to focus more on making sense of my feelings, verbalizing them and not being worried if I can't accurately communicate...

People don't understand. We are operating on a different level so much of the time.

 

[Nela]

Yes, Milon, I think what you are saying makes sense.

I can easily talk about my emotions, but only with a very select group of people. For me, most of the time these feelings just have to get out, and I want so badly for other people to understand, but I usually fail in my attempt of trying to explain them. This, combined with the fact that I am expecting already in advance that people wouldn't understand even if they tried, makes that in most instances, I keep my mouth shut. I can relate to what others have said: you often just want to say something, but you can't, or you don't know how to translate it all into a language that other people can understand.

I used to live together with a friend of mine for 3 years and we could talk about anything, including her emotions, but in this aspect it was a one way street. She didn't once see me cry, and when upset I kept to myself. It's not that I didn't trust her, and she is one of the most helpful and empathic people I have ever known, but I couldn't talk to her about these things, and I never really tried. Why? Just because I never had the feeling that I really 'connected' to her on an emotional level. I think sometimes we are just a mystery to ourselves.

 

[Milon]

INFJ's are great at examining other people. Sometimes we suck at examining ourselves, but usually it's more that language is too concrete. You can't catch fog in a jar or pin it on a card. Trying to define an INFJ is a lot like that.

Interconnectedness. Think of the human brain. The human brain isn't centered in any one neuron, and it's not just a seething mass of neurons - it's the interconnectedness they share, it's what goes on between them all. Our emotions are very interconnected one to another. The smallest thing can have a huge impact and vice versa, but you can't narrow it down to just one specific point. It's very fluid, very dynamic, very ethereal.

I don't know if that cleared the waters or muddied them more, but I tried.

 

[Azure_Knight]

So the more I read about your wonderful type, the more I think i'm starting to understand.

It seems to me that INFJs need some form of affirmation to "analyze" which then allows you to intuit your emotional response. However, your emotional response is entirely internal.

In other words, Emotions go in, but they don't come back out.

Now to analyze. Why do you think/feel that you are unable to express openly your true emotions? Is it because it takes you so long to process the input that by the time the output arrives there is no reason to "say/express" anything?

With freedom of expression comes responsibility for expression. IMHO, most INFJ's know how they feel about certain issues quite well; expressing that opinion can come at a price though. INFJ's value harmony, rituals, and relationships with meaning. They value being able to share that wealth of what their thoughts and feelings have to offer, but being mocked or ridiculed can cause issues with self esteem and trust. In a sense, INFJ's may have to edit some things about what they think for the sake of group harmony (although they may tell you exactly how they feel one on one). These are my own opinions of course, but I hope that they attempt to explain the input/output. Of course, there are always times when an INFJ needs to be alone to process the inputs to give an output that can both explain their position and meets certain personal standards. Others can rely on intuition to carry them through things more than that time for reflection. Nevertheless, INFJ's need that time to process.

I get the feeling that you know exactly how you feel about something, but you are afraid or unwilling to express it. (Or don't know how?)

If you feel especially forthcoming, would you be willing to explain how the process works for you? For example " I like you a lot" comes from someone you obviously like back very much (But the person may not be aware of the degree you like them back). Explain how this data goes in and comes back out. Pretty Please =)

Input: "I like you"

Internal: I like this person too, I'm so happy that they feel the same way!
Output: "I like you too" (with a smile)

Internal: Wait, that isn't descriptive enough! That doesn't tell the other person exactly how I feel! But if I try to say it a different way, how will I be perceived? Will they think that I am coming on too strong or that I am needy in some way? I really like them, and I don't want to mess this up. What should I do...? [self-conscious loops with doubt and overanalyzing thrown into the mix; quick review of relationship history and any signs of how the other person would react if I opened up completely].

So in a nutshell, we want someone who we can share our most private and deepest thoughts and self with. If we can't hold our emotions in, they tend to boil over (as stated in other posts in this thread). Hope this helps.

 

[goldfinch]

I'm extremely emotional, but it all stays in. My therapist says it's like packing too much chicken salad in a tupperware container. Not an attractive simile, IMO.

I've found that because I'm very different from everyone I know it's best to keep my feelings to myself. No one understands why I feel the way I do, even when I explain. Most people think I'm extreme in my feelings about things and blow me off anyway. So what's the point?