INFJ gentle rejection: what's it mean?

The first time my bf asked me out I was completely surprised and didn't know what to say. I gave him a mumbled, cryptic answer. I avoided him or was awkward around him for about 4 months. Then he emailed me and we eventually started dating.
 
I think it can change
 
Angantyr said:
As a rule I take my time to get to know somebody but I can be forgiving if people can convince me. Generally I come off as cold at first and take my time.

Out of interest your gender says Female, am I missing something here?
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girl + girl = lesbian = me
 
I find that with INFJ's the last thing they want is someone "pushing" themselves onto them. It takes time to get to know a INFJ.

INFJ's are like treasure boxes, you need to find the key to open the box. Sometimes finding the key can take months, even years.

Be patient. Being patient is showing your sign of respect for her. In the meanwhile why do you get to more about her interests. It seems that she still wants to be your friend which is a great thing but this time go easy with her.

It could be at the moment that shes shocked by your sudden actions. Why don't you wait for her to come round.

It could be that she dosn't have any sexual attractions towards females (you can correct me on that one)

But anyway's best of luck okay? :m054:
 
You should ask that girl these same questions.
 
Hotkebab said:
I find that with INFJ's the last thing they want is someone "pushing" themselves onto them. It takes time to get to know a INFJ.

INFJ's are like treasure boxes, you need to find the key to open the box. Sometimes finding the key can take months, even years.

Be patient. Being patient is showing your sign of respect for her. In the meanwhile why do you get to more about her interests. It seems that she still wants to be your friend which is a great thing but this time go easy with her.

It could be at the moment that shes shocked by your sudden actions. Why don't you wait for her to come round.

It could be that she dosn't have any sexual attractions towards females (you can correct me on that one)

But anyway's best of luck okay? :m054:
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I've found that direct non pushing statements are the best for making an INFJ interested.
 
Shai Gar said:
I've found that direct non pushing statements are the best for making an INFJ interested.
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I may not speak for all INFJs but I also except open communication once I am interested (and before on a lesser standard).

It doesn't take much for me to be interested, however for on-going interest is another story.
 
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only1cake said:
...i know better than to pursue her again. but my question is more general: if an INFJ has made up his/her mind that someone is not the right partner, is that set in stone forever in his/her mind? Does the Ni in you ever say "you know what? maybe I made a mistake..." ?
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Twice, I've ended up having a relationship with a friend that I'd never thought about in that way for some reason, until they told me how they felt. At first I wasn't interested, but after a couple weeks thinking about it I got curious. Neither one worked out. But we left on good terms and each was a good life experience:m176:

She may think about it for weeks and then feel attracted to you.
 
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Hotkebab said:
It could be that she dosn't have any sexual attractions towards females (you can correct me on that one)

But anyway's best of luck okay? :m054:
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yeahhhh we're both gayer than a pantsuit on ellen degeneres. :wink: no mistake there.

anyway, i've pretty much closed the book on "our potential" -- that's the only way i could move on and not find myself trying to "convince" her. doesn't seem right. doesn't seem honest. and expectation kills all (for me anyway).
 
Yeah, isn't it cute? I just snitched it off a webpage.

Good luck with your friend, if that's what she turns out to be.
 
only1cake said:
you all have been very helpful and honest. i truly appreciate it. been a week since initial rejection and she's been poking me on fbook and sent me a friendly text asking how my week went. i hear (from another infj) that this means she deems me worthy to keep around, so that is cool. no longer in denial about the "no" and can now move on.

QUOTE]

It may be that it was too much for her and she needs time to adjust to a different perspective of you as an inimate or you're an important friend to her and she cares about you and still wants you in her life, albeit, non-intimately.
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Hm... Well, as a dead on INFJ girl, I would have to say it really depends on how she felt about you. Maybe her feelings weren't exactly mutual? For me, I try not to get too attached to someone online - though I admit that I recently broke that rule. :/
 
You need to take immediate action.

Go find shinning white armor, pull sword from stone, read poetry and mean it.
 
Im a guy. And an INFJ. I have turned down a lot of girls that other guys drool and fawn over. We all like hot girls. But I go for character and personality. Ill take an average girl with good personality and character over a vain piece of arm candy any day of the week. If she said you can be friends she is not interested and just being nice. We all know what this this one means. Leave it at that. If you keep trying you will come off as a creepy stalker.
 
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