INFJ & INFP

C

ceae.firebird

One
MBTI
INFJ
Enneagram
4--Individualist
So I have a question for an INFJs and INFPs alike.
I'm an INFJ and my husband is an INFP. Like any other relationship between us I'm more outward intense, though my husband does these occasional intense moments in his eyes, but they are few and far between. Like really far and few it makes parts of our relationship kind of difficult and I have a hard time understanding him. Due to his tendency towards non-descriptive vagueness, he struggles to explain to me what he is thinking romantically or himself as a lover.

So my question is this, how would you describe INFPs as lovers? What's your experience as an INFJ? I know what the descriptors say about INFPs being really loyal, committed, etc. but it's more of a question of intensity a lover relationship, such as how it's expressed or thought processes. Let me know your thoughts.
 
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There's definitely much more going on than what they (INFPs) show outwardly. I've basically experienced the same thing you described.

Honestly I always wonder the same thing you do lol.
 
ceae.firebird said:
So I have a question for an INFJs and INFPs alike.
I'm an INFJ and my husband is an INFP. Like any other relationship between us I'm more outward intense, though my husband does these occasional intense moments in his eyes, but they are few and far between. Like really far and few it makes parts of our relationship kind of difficult and I have a hard time understanding him. Due to his tendency towards non-descriptive vagueness, he struggles to explain to me what he is thinking romantically or himself as a lover.

So my question is this, how would you describe INFPs as lovers? What's your experience as an INFJ? I know what the descriptors say about INFPs being really loyal, committed, etc. but it's more of a question of intensity a lover relationship, such as how it's expressed or thought processes. Let me know your thoughts.
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I'm struggling with my infp husband. He needs so much alone time and never opens up. We don't talk. Both of our love languages are quality time. But I know in my gut he wants to be the single man. He hates being tethered to anything and I resent that he told me he wanted a family and to be a normal couple but ghosts 80% of the time. I feel single with two babies and a man-child. He is to sensitive to criticism and I'm even worse So we just blow up. The love is genuine but I feel like he only loves me from afar. At home My need for close conversation is just another blockade to his freedom. I feel used. He is a butterfly that comes to me when he wishes. He is the biggest walking contradiction but I'm the one who is crazy. I wish I could not care. I wish I could function when I feel neglected. It should be in my power but the only way I can see is to cut him way back as far as trust and being open. At that point why stay at all. I wish he had genuine interest in me. He never inquires about my past and only half pays attention when I do talk. Its insulting. I'm angry but feel like it's my fault for believing him when he said the beautiful things that made me feel special. I am furious that I have to fight doubt. That his complete disinterest for life comes off as clues to how he really feels. I don't know how to make it work. I take it extremely personal. If I was what he wanted then he would be with me.
 
TechnocolorJET said:
I'm struggling with my infp husband. He needs so much alone time and never opens up. We don't talk. Both of our love languages are quality time. But I know in my gut he wants to be the single man. He hates being tethered to anything and I resent that he told me he wanted a family and to be a normal couple but ghosts 80% of the time. I feel single with two babies and a man-child. He is to sensitive to criticism and I'm even worse So we just blow up. The love is genuine but I feel like he only loves me from afar. At home My need for close conversation is just another blockade to his freedom. I feel used. He is a butterfly that comes to me when he wishes. He is the biggest walking contradiction but I'm the one who is crazy. I wish I could not care. I wish I could function when I feel neglected. It should be in my power but the only way I can see is to cut him way back as far as trust and being open. At that point why stay at all. I wish he had genuine interest in me. He never inquires about my past and only half pays attention when I do talk. Its insulting. I'm angry but feel like it's my fault for believing him when he said the beautiful things that made me feel special. I am furious that I have to fight doubt. That his complete disinterest for life comes off as clues to how he really feels. I don't know how to make it work. I take it extremely personal. If I was what he wanted then he would be with me.
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Wow sorry to hear you're struggling so much. I take it you've already talked to him about it?
 
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wolly.green said:
Wow sorry to hear you're struggling so much. I take it you've already talked to him about it?
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No. Not like this. I have said much of this in some way but not exactly like this. I know that he loves me. I know that I'm isolated so my social needs are way out of wack. I don't want to hurt him.

I just keep digging trying to find "the solution". Insecurity has been a life long issue with me. It isn't uncommon and I can be compassionate when it is someone else, even encouraging. For myself I see it as a flaw that embarrasses me on good days and am lost in fog on bad.

I talked with him for a couple minutes before he went to work this morning. He listened and I felt sympathy. It may be a timing issue. He is drained from work and I am eager to have an adult conversation.

I almost feel like at the end of a beautiful mind when you realize he went mad trying to find the patterns and hidden messages in places where there is none. If my thoughts were post-it notes and other scraps you would see how ridiculous I get. I am embarrassed but I admit it because I've exhausted myself and lost focus.

I have to learn how to stay in the moment longer and more frequently. To somehow say that was fun thinking but I'm done for now. I need a brain stimulating hobby. I went to a local game night with a friend. It was awkward at first but fun. I have a hard time being comfortable away from the babies for too long so I was relieved to get home. I play euchre online. It helps. I'm open to suggestions. Any memorable autobiography that you want to share. Or something about yourself If you feel like. I appreciate feeling heard. Even if I'm not understood just putting it out there meant not carrying around. I started a journal. I read that reading your thoughts can help you process them different. Maybe it was reading them allowed. Worth it if it gets me out of this fog.
 
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