INFJ's and unsolicited advice

[Diana]

I am often guilty of giving unsolicited advice. I do repress it around people I don't know very well or don't care very much about. When it comes to people I'm close to it's pretty difficult for me not to give unsolicited advice.
I have had some bad reactions to it. And I've also had people say "thanks, I needed a swift kick in the ass".

 

[Stella]

I do that a lot... I am just trying to be helpful.

I give advice to friends, acquaintances, strangers... Most of the time they try it (and realize I was right). But, sometimes, just with my family, this happens (I have better manners with others, but it still frustrates me when they don't listen):

Me: "It would work better if you xyz."
Dad: "I'm doing just fine."
(OCD kicks in) "But it would be so much easier!"
"I'm not going to. You're gonna have to accept that."
"No! This is so much easier! Do it!"

 

[TaylorS]

I do that all the time, and not all people like it!

 

[44sunsets]

I'm very guilty of giving unsolicited advice. I have this incredible, annoying need to try and stop people from doing stupid, idiotic things to themselves. But often they ignore me and do it anyway.

 

[aristos achaion]

So, my question to you is, how often do you give unsolicted advice? How do others respond do it? Do you ever try to supress it in any way? Discuss.

I want to all the time, but I hold off enough that people who really know me tend to take it seriously. If I'm talking with another INFJ, I'll let myself go a little more...they tend to understand & will reciprocate. What's a bigger problem for me is the "Oh, yeah, I know what you're talking about, see, last week..." sort of thing. Some folks (especially my INTJ mother) think that I'm trying to "top" them with that sort of thing...really, I'm trying to show them that I understand what they're talking about, because I've been through something similar.

One thing I'd look out for is whether you've actually been in a similar situation or have experience with the field they're dealing with. Remember, we're intuitive, and you can't really intuit based on something you don't know or understand. We generally think we know what's best for the situation, but if it's something we don't have much experience with, our advice can be way off the mark...then again, if it's something we're familiar with, we can be really good about that sort of thing...

 

[Lucidmoon]

Man, I am guilty of this. Like another poster said it's an urge I try to resist as much as I can but it's so hard. Especially when you see how much it would benefit the listener (if they truly listened).

 

[Lucifer]

I personally have an issue of giving unsolicited advice. I think it ties into my enneagram more then anything, but I think as an INFJ it effects it to. Unsolicited advice is more or less telling someone what they should or should not do without them asking for such input. In situations where you see something as wrong, bad, good, ugly, scary, etc. it's a natural impulse that I am only somewhat aware of to start putting my two cents into something to make it better or more managable. Recently, I have noticed this being an overwhelming trend for INFJ's. While this trait is not exclusive to INFJ's, it seems like our version of it seems to be focused on social situations, or situations in which some sort of harm to a person could arise. A lot of this solicitation seems to come from Fe and Ti, as I have noticed that FP's and TJ's tend to do this much less frequently then FJ's and TP's (although both of those can do it in completely different ways).

So, my question to you is, how often do you give unsolicted advice? How do others respond do it? Do you ever try to supress it in any way? Discuss.

I do this when I am very depressed, which is the wrong time to give unsolicited advice. LOL

Well no it is not that funny.

 

[Howlsthunder]

I'm very guilty of giving unsolicited advice. I have this incredible, annoying need to try and stop people from doing stupid, idiotic things to themselves. But often they ignore me and do it anyway.

ROFLMAO!!! You made my day! So true, though.

I'm not really good at just listening and feeling with the person. I have to come up with a plan for them... wanted or not. I've tried just sitting there and listening when someone goes on and on about this problem and that one... I literally start to feel my blood pressure rising and I start getting nervous..

I do this as well. A good friend of mine who studied to become a psychologist recognized this need in me and and discussed the fact that most of the time she doesn't want advice even though she understands it is my way of showing I care but that instead I should listen first. It's been tricky for me to remember sometimes but I find that if this is my default (and then LATER revert to advice) I am received much more positively. This doesn't work with everyone though (this friend is good at solving her own problems) - if the person has an issue that I can see an OBVIOUS solution to then it causes me GREAT agitation to sit there and not say anything.

So yeah, I do the unsolicited advice, too. I'm glad to read it's not just me! My sister (who is younger) has been the unfortunate recipient of most of my advice and she doesn't accept it well sometimes. My best friend who is an INFP also hates unsolicited advice so I've learned to be extremely manipulative in my information delivery to help her with problems so she feels she's done it on her own.

I accept that unsolicited advice is often unwanted so I try very hard to read a situation and only give it if I think it will be well received. If unsure, I will try to be as diplomatic and indirect as possible. Otherwise I keep my mouth shut out of politeness. I try to lessen my agitation by thinking of it not because I might have an overwhelming feeling of "being more knowlegeable" or anything but rather its just my INFJ teaching instincts kicking in. And that not everyone is a willing student.

 

[54192&#cmy]

I personally have an issue of giving unsolicited advice. I think it ties into my enneagram more then anything, but I think as an INFJ it effects it to. Unsolicited advice is more or less telling someone what they should or should not do without them asking for such input. In situations where you see something as wrong, bad, good, ugly, scary, etc. it's a natural impulse that I am only somewhat aware of to start putting my two cents into something to make it better or more managable. Recently, I have noticed this being an overwhelming trend for INFJ's. While this trait is not exclusive to INFJ's, it seems like our version of it seems to be focused on social situations, or situations in which some sort of harm to a person could arise. A lot of this solicitation seems to come from Fe and Ti, as I have noticed that FP's and TJ's tend to do this much less frequently then FJ's and TP's (although both of those can do it in completely different ways).

So, my question to you is, how often do you give unsolicted advice? How do others respond do it? Do you ever try to supress it in any way? Discuss.

I used to do it all the time when I was younger. And even now I find it hard to just shut up at times. Some take the advice. If it's something far out or maybe the wrong advice. I would get ridiculed and made fun of. Me and my buddies always messed with one another. Strangers would give me weird looks though lol It seems to get worse with age because you will understand and see more. I try my best to think before I talk now. lol But I still blurt out things at times.