[INFJ] INFJs: Critical, Cruel, Perfectionists under Stress?

acd said:
I think all the psycho-babble and pandering to the persons emotions just make you appear weak in their eyes... Sometimes you have to be firm and stand up for yourself. You have to give them a reality check. You just have to say, "get your shit together or I am out of here. I don't deserve this treatment from you. I'll help you and be there for you but you have got to be better to me. Your problems are not my fault." if the guy truly cares about you, he will get it.
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Maybe you are right. I'm being too soft. If it's been going on for a year, it's time it should stop :-(
 
Lea said:
Maybe you are right. I'm being too soft. If it's been going on for a year, it's time it should stop :-(
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A year is definitely too long.. Assert yourself!
I say these things based on my experience. Everyone can have a bad day and say something insensitive, but when it starts to be a pattern and affect your self worth--you have to change it. My boyfriend has said insensitive things to me before. But when I told him I didnt have to tolerate it and if he was going to continue to talk to me that way I would leave, he has never said those things again because he realized it was hurtful. It's just not normal or healthy to put up with consistent hurt from someone--especially in what should be a loving relationship. It doesnt help you and it just enables them to be a miserable person or rude person instead of bettering themselves.
 
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Dee nothing like that dou :] let's jus be frank for a second, they get emotional stability, I give em that, but it don't mean shit if u don't have the drive, the clear mind to construct with.....right.

Young infjs are sometimes subconsciously annoying, I think, cos they dunow how to express themselves correctly.
 
this is an old thread, but yeah. i am -really- aware of how fucked up i can be on an internal level, but i am ashamed and confused at how to own up to it externally. if someone calls me out on the way i am hurting them i can't handle facing it so i become angry and blame them for hurting me, instead. the more upsetting my life becomes (health problems, job problems, relationship problems, etc) the more i shut down emotionally and tear down everything/one around me. i don't know how to ask for help and i don't know how to handle stress normally, either.

i don't always know that i am doing it. when i do recognize what i am doing, i feel too stubborn and embarrassed to stop.
 
OP's boyfriend most likely isn't an infj. I never find myself taking out my stress on my girlfriend. thats not fair to the significant other and uncharacteristic of an infj
 
Most INFJs I know under stress seem to become like scared bunnies under stress but I could see that going either way, especially if the cause of stress is deep.
 
I wouldn't be surprised if the negativity he is placing on you are issues that have arisen over your guys relationship, that have built up and reached boiling point. I tend to ignore things for the benefit of others, how ever when I do this, I don't rid myself of it completely, outwardly my deception is flawless, but internally I've only stored that information within some dungeon. The trouble with this approach is that under stress we push ourselves deeper into our own minds into those places we've hidden. When i feel backed into a corner, I can be ruthless with what I say and do, contrast to the person you thought you knew. In reality the only person I have to blame is myself, because I let shit slid more then I should without talking about it. I weigh the options of not saying anything to the effort it would take to actually be honest, because it takes me forever to process the information in a way that people can easily understand how I'm feeling.
 
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