INFJs With Full Control Over Their Emotions?

"Full Control" is pretty extreme and unrealistic phrasing. If anyone had full control over their emotions, they'd be in eternal bliss. Like, "I'm happy and I know it, and I don't need no fucking reason. Yeah."

Personally, I've given up on direct control of emotions. To me, direct control is synonymous with stifling/burying. The CLOSEST thing I do to direct control is self-hypnosis, which isn't quite as mystical as it sounds. The extent of it's effect can be best described as "taking the edge off things". Most of what I do is indirect control, nowadays. Like I'll take actions that will likely make me feel better (usually actions that are constructive/productive). Sometimes I'm going to need to take some time to sulk and be a pathetic emo kid, so I might take half the day to do that because I need to (but I won't spend forever on it). I'll likely cut myself off from stimulus that's fucking with my emotions negatively (usually relates to certain people or situations).
 
Feelings said:
"Full Control" is pretty extreme and unrealistic phrasing. If anyone had full control over their emotions, they'd be in eternal bliss. Like, "I'm happy and I know it, and I don't need no fucking reason. Yeah."

Personally, I've given up on direct control of emotions. To me, direct control is synonymous with stifling/burying. The CLOSEST thing I do to direct control is self-hypnosis, which isn't quite as mystical as it sounds. The extent of it's effect can be best described as "taking the edge off things". Most of what I do is indirect control, nowadays. Like I'll take actions that will likely make me feel better (usually actions that are constructive/productive). Sometimes I'm going to need to take some time to sulk and be a pathetic emo kid, so I might take half the day to do that because I need to (but I won't spend forever on it). I'll likely cut myself off from stimulus that's fucking with my emotions negatively (usually relates to certain people or situations).
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Makes sense to me :)
 
purplecrayons said:
I try to accomplish this, and am not completely successful. Things seep out, but not usually in public. I can decide to reign it in, and not act out on a rise of emotion.
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My state is often this.
However, lately it's been...diminishing. And it's intentional (come to think about it, I seemed to forget this fact).
Trying to let it -- the feelings, the ugliness, the...harm others are doing -- be felt IS scary. However;
Radiant Shadow said:
It's nifty as temporary shield against abuse, but being disconnected with yourself is harsh and unhealthy. Take care, Lex Orandi, that control does not become dominance - the line is subtle.
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This. Because once you listened to the voice of your emotions, the first words you heard will be definitely "HEAR ME."
And when they have been suppressed too long.. it ain't pretty.
Aim for the balance; such that we can feel and acknowledge our emotions, good and bad and pretty and wicked and honorable and nasty, but not let it control our actions in a way that's bad for our and others' well-being, or sway what we seen.

Hypothetically, I don't know which is worse; to feel everything or nothing at all. No control or extreme control.
And when will it stop?
Perhaps never. In dealing with each and every pain we tasted, the choice to feel or not feel will sway like trees in a heavy storm.
 
Feelings said:
"Full Control" is pretty extreme and unrealistic phrasing. If anyone had full control over their emotions, they'd be in eternal bliss. Like, "I'm happy and I know it, and I don't need no fucking reason. Yeah."

Personally, I've given up on direct control of emotions. To me, direct control is synonymous with stifling/burying. The CLOSEST thing I do to direct control is self-hypnosis, which isn't quite as mystical as it sounds. The extent of it's effect can be best described as "taking the edge off things". Most of what I do is indirect control, nowadays. Like I'll take actions that will likely make me feel better (usually actions that are constructive/productive). Sometimes I'm going to need to take some time to sulk and be a pathetic emo kid, so I might take half the day to do that because I need to (but I won't spend forever on it). I'll likely cut myself off from stimulus that's fucking with my emotions negatively (usually relates to certain people or situations).
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Yes, this exactly this
 
I thought INFJs had control over their emotions, its sort of their "thing"
 
Billy said:
I thought INFJs had control over their emotions, its sort of their "thing"
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They had. Better than others, as far as 'leakage' go.
However to say it's -full- is more often than not a defense mechanism; more an ideal, than a fact.

Not to NOT feel pain, but to let one feel the pain. To not erect the defenses. That is also part of control.
 
hello everyone,

i kind of just discovered the MBTI tests. though i have always known about it, i only recently realized how dead on they are. i figure i am somewhere between an INFJ and an INTJ. i feel like i am an INFJ to the core, as i am quite "the protector." but i realized that in work-related or other critical situations I act much more like an INTJ. i dont know if that makes much sense, but when i have taken the tests I have consistently gotten an INTJ, but also feel like the description of the INFJ is also extremely accurate.

anyways, i just wanted to relate my experience with handling my emotions. as a male, i relate to the social pressures of expressing your emotions publicly. i think though that what has become "socially acceptable" has changed. i feel like i have created finely placed conduits that allow my feelings to come out in calculated and precise manners to people i care about (and even those I don't know) so that I don't experience that "damming" effect. i essentially let everyone know how i feel in a secure and cogent way without acting childish, dramatic or overly emotional. expressing myself in this way allows me to vent my emotions, while maintaining a socially acceptable visage.

i think once i got the hang of this, it turned out to be a big benefit for me. people expect me to tell them what i think of certain things, and how i feel about things in my life. i never leave things in, no matter how embarassing the situation might be. in fact, ive come to realize that no matter what the issue is, if you express it in a straightforward, mature and self-confident way, people will not judge you. i have even let myself be open to people i am only acquainted with, or have just met. again, if you express yourself with self-confidence, people realize that its just who you are and are not very judgmental.

i recently had a public meltdown which was unbecoming. it was when my girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me suddenly and unexpectedly. i wrote some pretty nasty things on my facebook wall, and i was shocked when i realized how many people ended up knowing about it later. i realized that i had broken my own rule. but soon after i corrected my behavior and started just talking to everyone about what had happened to me. i even remember a couple times, i met someone and in the same night told them what happened to me-- again in a straightforward mature way. one of them, related to me his experience when his fiance dumped him suddenly. i realized, especially then, that people are willing to hear your emotions-- they might not want to feel them with you, but they will definitely hear them.
 
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Flavus Aquila said:
I can't say that I actively try to suppress my emotions. Mind you, I am mostly emotionally numb - I seldom experience emotions - and when I do experience them, they are usually pretty strong.

If I have focused on anything, it is not showing emotion, which I am very successful in.


Isn't there a concern that suppressing emotion is an unhealthy thing?
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True, but sometimes the result of expressing certain emotions freely, is much more damaging than suppressing the emotion. If I suppress my reaction to an issue, I often find that in time, a surprising number of issues do get resolved (somehow), and any internal pressure from suppression is relieved naturally.

If I have the luxury of time, at least for me, it is usually best to wait and see. I can't tell you how many times that I was glad that I suspended judgement and waited. And of course I clearly remember the times that I wish I had...
 
Control is a strong word. I like the word understand. Emotions are complex, at least for me anyway. I can feel so many of them at one time, and sometimes some of them belong to other people, so it can take me awhile to sift through all of them and understand where each comes from and why I feel each of them.

Hope you find your way [MENTION=5085]Lex Orandi[/MENTION]. :hug:
 
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It's one of my ideals to never let emotion hold me back in life. So I always act the way I know is right, even if my emotions want me to do otherwise. For example: at my old job I used to think certain people were hella weird and evil. But I never let myself show it and I never spoke badly behind anyone's back because those were my ideals. I just played it cool until I found a new job. INFJ's have a lot of strong emotions but our ideals tend to govern our actions.

Sometimes INFJ's can become off balance if they hold too much in and will need someone to vent to. It's one thing that I think any INFJ should be aware of. When I was younger I used to be a little off balance in that sense and sometimes it made me unhappy. Once an INFJ matures and figures themselves out it usually changes tho.
 
Nitesteamer said:
True, but sometimes the result of expressing certain emotions freely, is much more damaging than suppressing the emotion. If I suppress my reaction to an issue, I often find that in time, a surprising number of issues do get resolved (somehow), and any internal pressure from suppression is relieved naturally.

If I have the luxury of time, at least for me, it is usually best to wait and see. I can't tell you how many times that I was glad that I suspended judgement and waited. And of course I clearly remember the times that I wish I had...
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Experiencing emotion, without suppression, is possible without any outward, or public, expression.
 
Literal complete control over emotions seems... like desiring to becoming less human.

Wouldn't it be better for emotions to relate back to your will with harmony in order that they support each other, and in doing so be able to regard them seperately and calmly but without ignorance towards them?
 
Instead of "controlling" my emotions per se, I generally temper them with rationality. This has tended to provide me with self-protective benefits without the trade-off vulnerabilities that tend to be associated with attempting to quell one's emotions. For example, if someone was attempting to provoke and exploit feelings of irrational guilt in me, I would act in accordance with my realization of this tactic rather than in keeping with the (in this case) destructive feeling. Essentially, I still acknowledge my feelings, but do not allow them to be the sole determining factor towards my behavior.
 
Jill Hives said:
I so wish I did. My emotions are crazy when they get out of hand. I'm usually a pretty chill person but...I have a really hard time hiding how I am feeling, and I can have strong emotional reactions. My face is too expressive. But with me this is confusing for people I think, because I also just look pissed off sometimes when I am just concentrating or thinking about whatever it is I am doing. Which then annoys me because my thoughts were interrupted to be asked "how are you?" as if something was wrong, when NOTHING IS WRONG! But now it is, cuz you are annoying! hahahaaa....
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That happens to me frequently, it's really hard for my face to be completely neutral, and it throws people off because usually I am so warm and kind.
 
sandra_b said:
I can block out and deaden my emotions also and have done it for many years. But emotions are there for a reason and they'll find a way to express themselves eventually. You can only stuff feelings down for so long before you don't have any more room to stuff them. My suppressed emotions express themselves through anger but mostly heightened anxiety which leads to panic attacks.

Sometimes it's necessary to not run away with your feelings and to know when it's beneficial to keep them on lock down. I tend to let my logic override my feelings a lot and it generally keeps most people in my life at arms length and difficult to connect with others. My empathy sometimes is non-existent. I like it this way sometimes when I see what a struggle others have with their feelings. But it just creates problems to stuff them down TOO much either way.
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I find that my emotions can control me so much that, in reaction, I tend to keep them at arm's length. I tend to have a hard time knowing my own emotions, but am very good at empathizing with others and mimicking their feelings. At the same time I am very expressive, and it's very natural for me to express what current emotion I am feeling.

For the sake of time, and some semblance of control, I tend to put my emotions on lock down, and keep them inside, which means lack of warmth commingled with seeming very aloof. I am not aloof, I am very caring, but in order to preserve order I appear aloof. Otherwise I lose all of my energy empathizing.
 
I grew up in a house full of girls. My brother and I were taught that to be a man meant not to cry, not to show any emotions. The teaching was not gentle talks and positive reinforcement as my parents had migrated to Suburban America from another century. I am very emotional and very much in denial of my emotions. I know this because my mood can shift in a moment from cheerful to dangerously angry. I repress a lot of it in my work life and try to be conscious of my mood and its changes with my kids as they are very sensitive to what I am feeling and projecting.

I have learned that when I feel proud of them, when I feel love for them, those are excellent opportunities to share that with them as it has a positive affect on them. By the same token I have learned that when my wife indicates that I am going negative it is best to shut up take inventory of what is really going on with me before I cause more damage.

I have been told that my anger is "palpable" and can be strongly felt by others.

When family members are down, or angry, or giddy I tend to be swept away with them.
 
If an INFJ were able to accomplish this, might they become an INTJ? :)
 
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