INFPs: type and relationships

[acd]

I think you have an interesting theory and there may be something to it.
Relationships have been something of an Achille's Heel for me in the past.
With each stage of intimacy, I find myself having to battle this reactionary cagey feeling--like I'm safer alone though I know deep down that's nonsense.

 

[orangeappled]

Novelty isn't really a big deal for me. To be honest, I like predictable people. I like developing our own secret code languages/words and running theme inside jokes. I like to mesh predicatbly and feel cozy rather than excited.

Oh, I WANT this, especially as it takes a LOT for me to REALLY open up. I'm the kind who can be content with one really close friend. I tend to limit my people time to a few people I feel most comfortable with (maybe why INFPs are seen as "clingy" sometimes). I don't feel comfortable with most people....

I definitelty see the value of monogamy, and I can't see myself being bored with someone I'm really in love with, as people are so complex that a lifetime is barely enough to really get to know them on a deeper level.

By "novelty", I mean that the person interested me initially out of sheer curiosity; it was based on nothing substantial, so when the novelty wears off, I realize there is nothing there to sustain a relationship. Often, I was not even infatuated with the person (as I mentioned I rarely date anyone who I'm really attracted to). There is no connection & no "cozy" feeling to replace the curiosity.

I like routine, I like to do the same things... drive the same route home every single day.. eat the same food.. Spontaneity is fun every so often.. but usually I like to just be cozy and know what to expect--especially when it comes to close relationships.
I guess that is strange for an INFP?

I like to know what to expect with people, yes. Starting a new job freaks me out because I don't know how my co-workers operate yet. However, new experiences & ideas excite me, and I don't want to get stuck in a rut. I want one person to explore the world with . I do know the comfort of the familiar, but I get in that mindset more when stressed or very tired (probably as Ne is extroverted & Si is introverted).

 

[Gaze]

And, yeah, I really need my personal space and time to think sometimes, though I really do try to ground myself more, now that I've gotten a bit older.

I form attachments easily, and I often feel like I care more about others than they care about me (which tends to mess with my head a little). I don't think this is always true, necessarily. I am not that great at gaging how other people feel about me, unless they explicitly communicate their affections.

This is me to the T. Which usually makes me seem not very aware. I guess i'm slow to recognize when they're not interested, and then i'm left wondering why i didn't get the hint all this time. Which i realize happens because i was focusing on how i felt or what they were showing me, rather than realizing that they were really not that interested but didn't want to hurt me, so they just kept on being nice/sweet, hoping i'd lose interest in them eventually. When people try to "let me down" easy they're usually pretty patronizing about it. They're never direct, which is insulting. They prefer to keep on playing at being nice and interested, in other words, playing games because they think i won't be able to handle them saying no, since i wreak of naivete/innocence. hmm . . . It gets tiring after a while getting this kind of response.

Novelty isn't really a big deal for me. To be honest, I like predictable people. I like developing our own secret code languages/words and running theme inside jokes. I like to mesh predicatbly and feel cozy rather than excited.

I like routine, I like to do the same things... drive the same route home every single day.. eat the same food.. Spontaneity is fun every so often.. but usually I like to just be cozy and know what to expect--especially when it comes to close relationships.
I guess that is strange for an INFP?


I'm kind of an easy read usually (unless I'm going through a phase. See below..)

Moi aussi.